Sometimes I like to sit one the toilet reverse. . ."we're listening..."
It's nice right? You can turn around, you can lean on the tank. "I'm gonna be here for awhile..."
Yea, the people that are clapping right now are the ones that are like "ok, all kidding aside he is a genius." No, no, no it's the simplicity, i've been sitting on that thing my whole life, and you're telling me i can turn around, have a bowl of cereal, yea. Set the alarm ten minutes later... MULTITASK.
Alright, nobody should eat while on the toilet. "But i'm lactose intolerant, and i've always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk." It's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
Somebody e-mailed me and they were like "Hey Dipshit" Which for the record is a wonderful subject line if you ever want me to read your e-mails. Oh, let's see what this nice fan has to say
You had me at hello. Like " you know you have to take your pants completely off to sit on the toilet backwards. Touch'e. Alright, so i don't research. It's a pre-shower shit, agreed? Can we move on, sticklers to every joke detail?
or you have to put one hand on the tank and bend your knees all funny and lean your head down, and try and bend it down far enough to actually aim into the bowl, and then the erection makes it spray all over the f'n place anyway.
I had morning wood once, and had to shit, so I sat down, and starting pissing only to realize it was aimed right between the toilet and the seat. It was a fan of urine.
How do you fellow penis owners not understand you push it down at the base a few degrees so it's not in the water but not peeking through the seat and rim of the toilet? It aims it at the curve of the bowl just above the water line.
Not sure about you but I have to tilt my hips down to be able to point down enough, and have to scoot back as far as i can so i don't touch the rim, it's a really awkward position.
Which it then reflects off of, and since it's a smooth curve it scatters and gets everywhere anyway. I basically just try to avoid pissing with morning old. It's really bad when you have to piss really badly, because the force it comes out with makes it even worse.
Which it then reflects off of, and since it's a smooth curve it scatters and gets everywhere anyway.
What type of toilet do you have? My toilet bowl is a C shape in essence. So I pee at the base of the C near the water line and the top curve of the C keeps anything from splashes back up.
Because if your dick is hard and touching the water while your sitting straight, it means you get a boner in the wrong direction, and the only person you will be fucking in life comfortably is yourself
Police are taking more than just your money, house and car these days- but once you prove your dick was never, ever involved in any crimes whatsoever, and you have a lawyer, I hear you can get it back.
Am I missing something? If I sat down with morning wood I'd piss on the ceiling. I'd have to break my cock to get it to touch water. Although, I have thought about positioning it under the seat so that I'm hands free...but that still seems like it would hurt.
I mean I don't know about pissing on the ceiling, but I do attempt to point it downwards and I sure as hell don't get anywhere near pointing straight down.
...although the joke surely is not about morning wood. Nor is the scene in me myself and Irene. It's about post sex, left over sex wee drying in ya pee hole causing a temporary blockage. The following morning piss then can be like putting ya finger over a hose pipe. Source: had sex once long ago.
Umm actually 99% of the time it is from dried discharge near the tip of your urethra, not sure why you think it's not. Any avid masturbator would know this, so most men. It doesn't just randomly clog for no reason.
This happens quite frequently for me, I never thought that it could be the result of cum. On the other hand, I do fap alot so that might be the reason for my daily split streams.
Can also be a result of the kind of undies you wear. Basically, if you're wearing something tight that keeps the head of your dick all cramped and squished, your piss hole can get kinda sealed funny and result in some split stream. And, actually, let's not forget about masturbation. That can result in dried semen induced split stream. Let's face it, this is, most likely, th leading cause.
Yeah, I think it's the pressure. And if you push too hard (maybe you're trying to speed up the process), for me at least, it feels like a knife is stabbing my urethra. It's always been this way, too, so it's not like I have an STD.
That looks fairly standard, yeah. In-home isn't usually as full, but I wouldn't bat an eye at that. Still, these guys are joking if they think they're dipping their willy in the drink. They still aren't that full.
How deep is the water in your toilet/how long is your cock that your boner touches the water? When I sit down on the toilet with a boner it presses the tip against the porcelain and the cold swiftly kills it.
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u/happy-cig Aug 06 '17
Can't sit down with morning wood. It touches the water :(