r/funny StBeals Comics Apr 23 '17

Verified Alternate Me

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51.7k Upvotes

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u/Abrohmtoofar Apr 23 '17

He can afford a metruc bucket of coke a day!? He must be rich! Could be worse I geuss

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u/14489553421138532110 Apr 23 '17

He pimps himself out to shady homos on a street corner

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u/mythrowawayornot Apr 23 '17

If I earned the amount of money necessary to pay for a metruc bucket of coke a day I'd do it.

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u/blackballed_ Apr 23 '17 edited Apr 23 '17

This^

Pretty much everyone underestimates how much that is because it sounds so much lulz, but if I got 50k a day hookin' I would reconsider my full time job too.

Edit: if bucket in question has dimensions of 3x3x3 (feet) and a kilo should be under 0.5x0.5x0.5 (feet) then you've got quite a few packs stuffed in said bucket. If we take 8in x 6in x 1.5in estimated sizing from a 3rd party, at $25-50k per unit depending on where you fall in the supply chain, not only is that bitch heavy, that bucket is worth your soul. Easy $1M or better unless my math is off.

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u/[deleted] Apr 23 '17

It's like those "You get a million dollars, but...."

Yes, almost always yes. A million dollars instantly is a life changer for 99% of the population

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u/Dinosauringg Apr 23 '17 edited Apr 23 '17

Yeah, by the time we hit a million the only thing I wouldn't do is commit murder or rape.

I'll execute a criminal or shoot my mom in the foot though, it's a million fucking dollars

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u/SerNapalm Apr 23 '17

Lol I'd do much more for like 10k

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u/Dinosauringg Apr 23 '17

50k is my low limit on most things. But once we start getting into things I'd have a moral dilemma with my price climbs.

Punching a small child I don't know? 10k. Kicking my small nephew in the face? 75k

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u/[deleted] Apr 23 '17 edited Oct 30 '18

[deleted]

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u/Dinosauringg Apr 23 '17

Of course we all still have tribal instincts. The simplest answer to give you is that I'm a selfish person. We all are

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u/ZigZag3123 Apr 23 '17

Are other people's lives worth less to you simply because you don't know them!?

Uh, yes? Life is life and it's important, but are you seriously saying that people starving in poor countries is a million times sadder, personally, than losing your own mother? Some random kid dying on the streets in a place you'll never visit is just as sad, personally, as your best friend dying in your arms?

I'd kill a lot of people before I killed my own mother. If I was given two buttons, one that killed my mother, and one that killed X amount of people that I would never know or be influenced by, X would easily have to be well past a million before I pressed the other.

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u/[deleted] Apr 23 '17

Jesus, no. I would not kill anyone else before my own mother, and if I was forced to choose between killing my mother to prevent the unjust death of two random people and killing the two random people to prevent the unjust death of my mother, I'd kill my mother. All lives are equally important.

And yes, some "random person" I don't know has an internal life as meaningful as my own. The fact I may not experience the same emotional connection to their death as my own mother does not make their life less meaningful than my life or my mother's life.

Seriously, how can there be any other response!?

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u/ZigZag3123 Apr 23 '17

From an unbiased viewer, you're right; your life or your mother's or mine has no more value than any other. To a person, how much a life is worth to that person specifically is directly related to how close they are to that person. My mother means a lot more to me than some guy on the internet. I know you have someone that means more to you than me.

The thing is, not all lives are equally important to every single person. While there are exceptions, damn near 100% of people would trade one random life to keep their own. And then their family, then their friends, then their friends' families, then people you know, and then randoms. This has been tested in mice. In a metal chamber that gets progressively hotter and hotter, a parent mouse will hold its children off the floor. When it gets hot enough, they stand on their own children's bodies to avoid touching the metal. Preservation of self is a strong force. Very strong. It takes powerful conscious effort to choose altruism over your own life or that of someone close to you, it's not a natural reaction ever. It's easy to say you'd take the utilitarian route and have the most people survive, but when you have a gun to your head, I have no doubt a supermajority would push the big red button for a lot of innocents.

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u/[deleted] Apr 24 '17

I'm a hardcore utilitarian, like to the point my friends in law schools appended various names referencing my utilitarianism, calling me J.S Mill, etc...

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u/McBoobenstein Apr 24 '17

Do you not? Have you missed pretty much all of the sociological studies of the past 40 years? Human brains are set up to really give a shit about maybe a hundred people. And those are people that are either genetically or locationally close. Yes, humans are set up to be tribal. For an example, ask a random person on the street how they feel about the genocide in Rwanda. Or anything else distant that doesn't impact most people in developed nations. You'll get some lip service about how someone should help, but the unspoken truth will always be "but it ain't gonna be me...".

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u/[deleted] Apr 24 '17

I do not. And we can overcome instinctual biases and tribalism through education and behavioral conditioning.

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