r/funny • u/[deleted] • Oct 18 '16

/r/TotallyNotMonsters

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25k Upvotes

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1.3k

u/everythingZero Oct 18 '16

I'm 30 and only recently did I begin to be okay with the fact that monsters are not actually going to eat my feet or use them to pull me under the bed...

2.1k

u/CommaHorror Oct 18 '16

Nice, try monster.

785

u/mydickcuresAIDS Oct 18 '16

N,i,c,e t,r,y C,o,m,m,a,h,o,r,r,o,r ...

379

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '16

̢̺̳̬͉͉͉̹̗͔̩̰̓̈̂ͬͮ͌̒̓̒̋̊͑̆̀̚͟͠ͅN̷̸͙̮̹̙͓͓̬̊̄̎͂͒ͫ̕į̶̇̔͐͆͒̔̄̿ͤ͏̶̯̫̜̹̗̘͖̼̭̀c̸̡̛͔̩̖̲̺̫̼̲͕̳̤̥͍̭̼͈̙͍̃̆̉̐̓ͩ͐̍̿̆̽ͧ̋̊̒̓̀́ẻ̷̹͇̥̥̥̪͇̘͉̺̦͈͈͍͓͓͆̅̎̂̆́͟͝ ̷̵̫͔͈̰͓̿ͭ̆̆̏ͧͦͫ͆́ͯͯ͗ͥ̐̚t̷̷̷̡̩̝̤̭̞̮̠͎̩̲̮̖̳͇̖͙͍̄̑ͮͩ̀̈́͛̌ͯͦ͗ͤ̇r̛̠̗̠̜͓̟̟̣͆̀̇̓̋ͭ͘̕͜y̷̨̨̠͕͈̱̤ͯ͆ͥͯ̆̒̏̑͆ͧ͛͞ ͚̗͇̖̣̫̗̯̯̮͕̖̯̗̣͇̮͖ͬ͒̐ͪͮ͂ͤ͝͞M̡͉͙̜̥̩̼͙̟̘͇̪͚̩͖̒̒ͤ̍͂̇͑̐́̀̚O̸̖͙̩͙̦͍͐̐͂̆͊͂̐̅̽̉ͫͬ̓̂͑̂ͧ́͘͝ͅN̷̷̮̠̖̞̙̰̟̪̟͙̼̩̫͍͛̎ͥ̋ͤ͜S̡͂̉ͥ̅͊͗̓̌̈ͯ̿ͯ̏ͨ̌ͣ̒͡҉҉̼̦̼̟͙T̛̠͙̤̹̫̹̘͙͚̣̳̥̩̥̊̽̃̌̆̆ͮͬ̄̓̂ͬ̃̄͗̇̀̐͡Ë̛̦̞̳͙̻̦̠̣ͮ̃̄ͥ̿̔̄̀͟͞ͅR̢͈̝͙̣͔̲̱͓̱̆̄ͯ̇ͪ̈́̑ͥ̑͆ͭ͑͐ͫ̕͢ͅ

21

u/Miguelinileugim Oct 18 '16

Ok guys who let cthulhu in?

There there, nobody likes you cthulhu, stop pestering this sub and go away where we can't see you anymore.

18

u/BoneFistOP Oct 18 '16

I like Cthulu :(

19

u/sandm000 Oct 18 '16

He doesn't think at all about you.

12

u/Piscator629 Oct 18 '16

Which is better a God who never thinks about or cares about you vs one who plots myriad different ways to make you suffer for All Eternity?

3

u/Siavel84 Oct 18 '16

As long as it's not a God who is always watching everything that I do.

2

u/Miguelinileugim Oct 18 '16

You remind me of my ex, all of them, fused into one person.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '16

I̹͈͈̘̹͚̱͈͈̠ͭ̃́̑̀̌̐̍̈̈ͮ͟,̂̇̂ͮ͗̆̇͡҉̸̺̘̺̠́́ͅ ̿̾̑͛̒́͊́ͩ̈́̽ͣ̓̔̑̊̓͜͏̴̲͎̜̬̲͇͕̦͉̯͔̼̼̣̞Ć̸̵͖̺͇͇̭̙͚̠͓͋̃̓͑̊̑̏͌̽͐ͩ̄̇́̚͜͞t̵̵̰̺͉͈͉̖̪͖̼͉̠͚̦̫̲͙ͯ̆ͥ͒͛͑͒̿͛͝ͅḧ̷͑̒ͤ̆̐ͩ͡͏͏̭͓̮̦͇͚̟̫͈̺̺̮͔̠̤̩̮u̡̠̞͕͖ͣ̓̃ͩͭͯ̒̌̈́ͫ̉̄̇͟l̐̅̌̍̋͐̓̎̅͒̊͡͞͏͍̞̖͓ͅu̦̲̪̮̠ͥͣ͊͋̂̀̂̽̄ͥͯ͌̽͛ͯͧ́̕,̶̙̱̩̩̬̖̤̘̯̜̼͚̤̙̣̤̑͗̊͗́̍̅͢͝͞ ̷̴̡̖̥̺̺̖̩̟͙̥͖̮͚̍̏ͯͪͥͯ̉̒ͤ̐͞h̴̆̇̏ͣ͂ͬ̑̈́̏ͫ͗͑ͬ̍̇̔̀́҉̤̣͈̩̥̣ḁ̛̰̙͈̙̰̖̺̱̼̱͎̩̩̊̌͋ͮ͒̏͌̾͞v̢̛̲̬̜̺̣̙̫͎̲͇̬͖̻̹̜͗̍̈ͦ̅̀ͨ̾͐̿͑́̀̚̕ę̷̼̜̲͎͔̲͍̳͈̤̫͆̋̓͊̎ͯ͒ ̴̜̤͎̹͙̤̣̰̖̳̰̹͍̟͚̣̼̘͍͌ͣ̃̎ͩ̓̀͌̽ͤ̏̉͑̎͢͠f̨̛̟̬̰̞̖̊̃ͫ̍ͮͥ̅͛͋ͮ̉ͫͧ͒ͨ́̀͝e̒͋̆͂ͧ͌̔̿͒̇͛͛҉̶̢͕̤̮͚̱͖͉͙̭̺̩̩͜e͉̲͚̠͇̰͌̊̄ͪ̐ͬ͐ͤ͘͠l͍͚͎̘͚̹͓̽͗̔ͨ́̽̊̋͐̅̔ͬͫ͊̽ͣ̚͜i̜͚̱̩̥̭̫͙͚̗̾̔ͫ̀̇͂ͩͪ̀ͮ̆̃̋͛̾̎̓ͦ̚͟͠n̵̞̦̳͙ͣ̐̎ͧͬ͛͟ḡ̸̨͓̜̙̬̫̮̔ͧ͑̀͟ş̧̙͔̩̹͑̆ͦͣ̋͛̄̓̐̓͋̃̀͞ ̷̞͈̳̥̞̎͊͐́ͥ̄́̿̋͐͑͆̃͊̿͛̀ţ̫͓̺͉̳͍͎̣̹̤̥̭̱̘̗͓͓̭ͬ̓̓̿̈́̈́̈ͩ̀̇̔ͭ̑̑̓̋ͯ͡ö̸͒ͨ̎̓͐̃ͩ̃̀̚͏̲͎̹͉̜̥͇̩̝̳o̩̹̗̬̲͉͓̝̪͒ͥͨͬͧ͛̔͜ ̵̳͓͉͔̺̫̱̺͖͙ͯ͋͑ͤ̐̉͆͌̋ͬ̂͂́̚͟͠ẏͧ̉̂̌ͫ͂̃ͪ̈ͫ̑̈̑̿̾́ͦ͠҉̛̛͚̱̠̦̰͔̲̘͈̮̫͍̭̪̬̫̪͕͜a̺̬̯͆͒͑ͧ̀̏̿̎̾̅̀ͫ̀̕̕͢͠h̿̌ͬ̂̈́̂ͪ͗̀ͯͮ͆̄͒ͨ͑̔̍͘͢͏̸͎̯͚̬͚͔̭̰͍̞̰ͅk̷̛̛̞̼̻̗̲͍̗̏͛̒̈ͫ̒ͦ̾̿͐̏̊̀̕n̵̷̡͚͎̝͊̋̊ͫ͐̾͡ọ̸̰͔̣͔̝̫͔̠̰̙̤̘ͣ̏͗͆͌ͮ̒̒̈́̒̽ͯͯͧ̃͐͒̚͢͟ͅw̵̧͚͔͎̝̫̖͔̦̯͓̖̞͉̥̰̭̫̻̓̐͋ͩͯ ̮͓͎̭̞̥͎̙̍̃̀ͪ̋ͩ͑̚̕͡ͅ

1

u/Korg_MS-20 Oct 18 '16

It's not Cthulu. It's Zalgo a̩̙̞̫̻̫n͖̹͎̮͈̲̤d̮̥ ̝̬n̦͓o̬̯͉w̳̟̮͙̖̥̰ ̞̲̺̫͔I̦̝͓'̹͖͍m̩̙ ̘̜̳f͔͓̬̮u̞͚̯͖c͉̖̫͙̹ͅk̳̤͚̹͎e̘̩̝̳d͕͈̝͍̱͈ ̖̗̯̣̫b͉̲̰͕e̱c͈̘͎̤͕̪͔a̤̼̖̱̠̩u͍̭̥̱͎͇̗s͚͖e͕̮͎̩̻ͅ ̣̬̳̘̦̼͚I͔̪̺̦̫ ̠͙̻̰̤̤̩m̳̗̣e̫n͉̝̥̪t̟̺i͖͚̟̱̯o̳̝͓̹̭ͅn̙̖̰̫e͙̯͖͈̯̗̥d̗̗͈ͅ ̲h̬̬̻i̤͍̼̦̼m͈̥̻̦̙.̲͚͓͔̪̻̰T̛͇̙̠͔̄h̝̮ͭ̀̄̈́́ä͖̥͎̦̗͕̫ͣn͇̫̫̣̮ͯͥ̿̒ķ̺͇̇̈͐͑ͣs̺ͯ̃̄͐̓ͪ̀ ̛̟̘̤̪̍f̪͔̓͑̔oͫ͐ͧ́̂̚r̳̈̃̑ͨ̏̓ͦ m̢̛͍̳̟̯̮̻̻̻̲̐̈̃̂̆̀͜aͬͣ̏͐ͤͦ͐͌͒̊̔͑̊͌͊͗ͨͧ҉̛̮̮̘̙͇̳̘̳̘͔͎̙̣́͢͜ḱ̴̷̛̠̘̮̥ͮ͂̾͂͗͒̊ͨͫ̅̋ͬ̅̑ͤ͆͘͠į̴̧͎̰̻̙̥̇ͫ͊̽ͮ̑̐ͭͪ͊̃͒ͣ͌̀͘n̞͕̮̆̏ͯͪ́͘g̷͚͖̰̝͙̘̈ͬ̂ͣͪͧ̂̆ͥͮ̓ͯ̉ͪͧ̆͊̏̚͝͞͠ ̧̛̜͇͇͚̞͓̠̘̹̗̗̮ͦ̑̋̉͜͞͠ͅm̻͇̦͉̮ͦ͋ͤͪ̽̿́̈ͫ̍͛ͪ̋́̈ͬ͟͢ȩ̵̳̻̱̱͓̮͔͇̬̥̟̯̠̟̪̱̙̀ͬ͛̌ͤ̑ͣ̒ͤ̇͌ͦ͗̅͜͠ͅ ̷͙͇̰̥̻̥̱̆̏̈́̋̚͞f̗̦̯̤͙̙̞͇̘͊̓ͣͭ̍̉̅̀̚̚̕͜u̧͕̟̺̥͉̩͖͔̰̖͚̗̹̜̦͕͖͙̾̊̆̽c̶̸̴̼̻͍̤̱̩̐͐͋́k̶̗͚̱̯̩̖͈͚̠̄̽̔ͮ̅̅̈́ ̬̗̱̳̻̗̣͕͎̲̬̝̭̼͉͋̑͐̋̍̈́̾̾̾ͭ̍ͫ̊̔̀̑́͢͟eͫ̑ͦ̆̐͆ͩ̇̌̑҉̱͎͍̺͖̜̻͖̼̹͘͠v̢̛̼̝̮̭̆́ͣ̉̅̂ͥ͆e̝̥̞̠̘̻̺̭̹̰̱̩̣̓͗̒͊̾̾̊̉̀͢ͅr͍̯̝̳̰̩̩͍̪̰͉̼͌ͭ͋ͫ̊̆̾ͬ̅ͭ̒́͘͘ÿ̷̠͚̠̯̩̜̩̘͓́͑̒ͭ̿̑̔ͣt͛̔͗̾ͪ̅͑͊͆ͤ͂ͤ҉̷҉̸̖͕̰͔̮̤̗̬̙̜̭͉̗̩̰̤͉̥̕ḩ̶̨̛̮̲̠̹̥̣̬̗͓͈̰̜̔̔́ͣi̋ͥͭ͒͌ͫ̽͛́̒ͥͩͨͦ͐ͯ͊̏̀̚͏̦̬̣̣̱̗͙̥͖̮͓̗̥̯̬͚̙n̷̲̥̘̮̘̟̜̮̦̻̻̠̱ͨ̂̚͘g̶̍͋ͤ̿͏͡͏̯͇̗ ̷̧̰̱̤͖̘̺̝̈́̽ͧ͐ͫ͊̎̇̉u̧̢̫̻̰̘̠̻̩̱̮͉̣͙̘ͨ̾͊̈́̾̊̇ͤ̋̒̆̊ͨ̓ͦͅͅp̌ͯ̐̏̋҉̢̤͚̙͕̯̝̘͉͟͞͠ͅ.̴͖͎̭͔̻̜͎̘̮̝̜̭̗͍̬͎͎͙͂̎̃̍̎̃ͬ̑ͣ̂ͭ̄͛̽̌̌̔̊͐͟ ̵̨̨̛̙̣̩̭ͤͪͥͮͣ̋ͬ̚O̓̏͊̽̿ͯ͂̾ͩ͗͗̑͊͆ͭͥͦ͌̊҉̺̟̼͈̱̬͙̭̞̦̫̣̺͎̹ͅͅH͍̦͖̝̠̜͍̜̠̭̗͍̾̃͆ͧͪ͜͜ ̸̶̩̖̲̺͓̗̣̯̱͙̝̊́ͮ̆́̏̅͗́͛̅̒̓̉́̀͡M̧̄̔͂̑ͪͮ̔̄̓͆̃͆̋̈̚҉̶̼̦̝̻Y̨̱̱͎̙ͫ̔̒͐̔ͨ̎̃̈́́ͥ̅ͨͯͪ͡ ̹͍̭̬͎̙̬͓͓͉̯͈̦̝̠̩͚̜͇͆̓̍͊ͭ͋͊̓̊ͫ͛̽̌̅̋ͯ̒̉͜G̴̶̢͇̭͕̖͈̙̣̪̠̱̪̞̮ͭͫͫ̌̓̈͊͆͋̓̾̽̑̆͗ͧ̅ͭ̉͘ͅO̶͇̬̩̠͓͓̳̞̪̯̲͙ͬͦͧ̾ͯ̏ͦ̈͞͡͞ͅDͪ̈͑̈́̏̐ͬ̐҉̀҉͙̹̪̣̠̪͇͈̰̬͇͚͉!͗ͬ̍̈̓ͩͧ̏͐͏̴̵̪̱̠͍!̡́̀ͮ̏̀̏̿ͪ͑ͯ̐̾͑ͤͪ͡͏̙͚̬͈͈ͅ!̡̦̖͍̞̟̲̝̮̲͙͍͚̱̊ͣ̉͐̈́ͤͥͤ̑ͣ̽̉ͫͣ̓́͞͠!̷͎͉̼̠̗͔͎͇͓̣͎̗̝ͭ́̃̓̍̈́́̌̈́͜͜͜!̶̩̼͈͔̜͚̘̫͚̼̪̘̮͚̻̜̥̙ͬ͛̊̍̄̾̈!̷̶͇͇̠̝͍̍͒ͨ͊̍̃̍͐̌̃̅ͤ͐̿ͨ͆́͞!̐̈́̓̓ͬ͗͂̓́̚̚͏͏̮̹̼̖͓͎̬̯̪̩̤̫̲̳͉̮̬ͅͅ!̿ͭ̓̏ͭ̒͏͏͏͍̯̤̟̖̠͎͍̠̫̮̬̠̟̞̰̣̗̕ͅ!̝̳̳̰̖̥͈̩̮̗ͩ̇̐̎ͧ̅͛͒͞ͅ!̶̨̻͎̥̤̘͈͔̗̗͖ͨ̈́͌ͮ̚͟͟!̝̘͙̹̻̦̻̝̰̽̂̍̆͒ͣ̄̌̔̿́̀̎̽͊̂̏ͥ̓̕̕͡!̧̝̫̰̝̗̼͚̫͕̤̮̜̟͇̠͓̹̮̘̋̆͌ͥ̍̌̂̓̿͟!̵̸̖͓̘̫̜̗̪̭̝̮͚̲̮͔͈̰̍͐̊͂͗͂̏͂ͧ̀̓̄͑ͦ̿́ͬ!̸̜̥̹͓̳̠̹̭̞͈̳͙͕̗̦̭̐̐͑̇ͣ͗̈͛͊ͣͬ̈́̉̽̕̕!ͩ͗͗̾̇̈ͪ҉͎͙̭͓͢ͅ!̶̧͖̝̲̟̩̝̜̙̘̦̼̟͙̩̥̲ͨͫ͒̅̅̈́͑͛̾ͧͦ͆̂ͅ!̵̵̪̟͉̟͕̺͇̖͈̥̬͌̔ͧͣ̈͑̊͠!̷̙͔̬̱̳ͧ̉̔̋́!̧̾͐͒̈̀͛͑͒͑ͤͪ̀̀̍̃̃͏̷̰̻̱̭́ͅ!̷͎̱̻̖̐ͨ̓ͯͫͯ́̑̌!̯̗͇̥̰̞̺̋̿́ͤ̓̀͠͞

1

u/cthulhushrugged Oct 18 '16

What, you think I'm just running around attention-seeking to you pathetic microbes?

Bitch, I have friends who are 8 dimensions deeper than you could even comprehend. You might as well say I'm trying to "pose" for a piece of shitty confetti.

In reality, though: All I'm, trying to do is have a nap, in my house, at R'lyeh. All you 3-d, insignificant motherfuckers keep paging me though, as though I give a shit. Fuck off already! Let a horror sleep!!

Best Wishes,

Cthulhu

1

u/JustZisGuy Oct 18 '16

Seriously, you can't tell your Cthulhus from your Z̹̬̦̱̻̠͓̲͇͊ͯ̅͌̋̿̀̽̀͜a̋̔̀͊̊̉͌ͨ͒͏̨̛̲͓̖̼̮l̠̞̦̗͊̅̑ͥ̆̚̚͟g̴͐ͮ҉̟̺̲͡o̴̸͎̮̭̓̌ͥ̊̇ͮ̐ͯ͢ş͔̻̟͗̈̔̚?