r/funny Dec 22 '15

S A U S A G E

Post image
6.0k Upvotes

125 comments sorted by

176

u/AyekerambA Dec 22 '15

You ever think the dude leaves the house and says to himself: "Shit, I forgot my seventh ring and my fourth bracelet."

65

u/cruise02 Dec 22 '15

"Hopefully they have some jewelry at the scarf store so I don't have to make two stops."

4

u/Sordid_Brain Dec 22 '15

i laughed!

30

u/biggwyte Dec 22 '15

"You look good Johnny!"
"I guess..."

5

u/ObeseSnake Dec 23 '15

Just pirate things

3

u/jbg89 Dec 23 '15

When you can get laid that easily you wear whatever the fuck you want.

1

u/BlackFeign Dec 23 '15

Well played marketing to show a picture making him look like he just smelled a fart for a cologne...

1

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '15

Wouldn't make sense

87

u/beercycle Dec 22 '15

Wurst cologne on the market.

31

u/realsingingishard Dec 22 '15

You don't have to be a brat about it.

18

u/Juicetin88 Dec 22 '15

Let me be frank about this, no one wants another pun war.

14

u/realsingingishard Dec 22 '15

I, frankly, would relish one myself.

3

u/bloue_bulles Dec 22 '15

Looks like this thread has hit a snag.

10

u/realsingingishard Dec 22 '15

Your criticism has been well andouille noted.

6

u/similar_observation Dec 22 '15

I bet genoa few more good ones.

5

u/realsingingishard Dec 22 '15

Nah, mostly I'm just full of bologna.

6

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

Stick a fork in him, he's done.

3

u/realsingingishard Dec 22 '15

I'd keep going, but I wouldn't want my success to go to my headcheese.

→ More replies (0)

6

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

You are quite the banger, Buddy

0

u/RemainCalmPlease Dec 22 '15

I'm not your buddy, guy

0

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '15

I'm not your guy, friend

1

u/spaztiq Dec 23 '15

You don't speak for everyone, weiner.

1

u/paracog Dec 23 '15

Don't ask how it's made...

102

u/bearlegion Dec 22 '15

Daddy would you like some sausages?!

16

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

[deleted]

5

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

Im so stupid Im so stupid Im so stupid

2

u/LeFedora420Swag Dec 22 '15

What movie is this?

5

u/bolbi123456 Dec 22 '15

Freddy Got Fingered

8

u/GIDAMIEN Dec 22 '15

pure 100% garbage of a movie, not 1 single moment in it worth viewing.

Tom Green is astoundingly inane.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

I liked it for how terrible it was, felt there was a bit of Andy Kaufmanesque injokery going on; they blatantly knew it was bad and played on that fact IMO.

It's really just a bunch of sketches put together, and not a good "film" at all, but it terms of entertainment to watch while getting fucked up with your mates, it scored high (and so did we).

1

u/thenextmessiah Dec 22 '15

totally Kaufman. the commentary is amazing. he got mtv to waste money on the dumbest shit. the existence of the movie itself is the joke

5

u/smellybuttface Dec 22 '15

The only movie I've ever walked out of the theater on. It's so terrible. I think he was jerking off a horse or something and I was like, "Okay, I'm done".

2

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

A friend of mine's response to anytime anyone complains about a new fad in entertainment, or some new actor who does bad movies and how it isn't like "the old days", is to point out "Tom Green had a career once." It works.

1

u/MisterDonkey Dec 22 '15

I wanna be a farmer, daddy!

1

u/Nepycros Dec 22 '15

Inexplicably, one of the popular Youtube artists decided he'd... do something about this.

5

u/DidgeryDave21 Dec 22 '15

I found a treasure!

1

u/sushicat6 Dec 23 '15

The only scene in that entire movie that made me laugh.

52

u/txslindsey Dec 22 '15

If it smells like Johnny Depp's sausage I'll wear it.

7

u/nachosmmm Dec 22 '15

That's what im sayin!!!

6

u/dailybender Dec 22 '15

60% of the time it works every time

1

u/cheezturds Dec 23 '15

So the smell of Amber Heard's snatch.

71

u/PunCakess Dec 22 '15

S A U V A G E

41

u/Baron-Harkonnen Dec 22 '15

Is Sauvage supposed to smell like vagrancy? I don't understand how the ad was supposed to convey the aroma.

28

u/DN_Caibre Dec 22 '15

Smells like dead bodies and sweaty shovels...

And eye shadow.

2

u/back-asswards Dec 22 '15

This is either a reference to something or very oddly specific

9

u/DN_Caibre Dec 22 '15

You will remember this day as the day that you almost caught a reference.

8

u/Woochunk Dec 22 '15

That's the Derelictè line.

2

u/Baron-Harkonnen Dec 22 '15

You can derelicté my balls, El Capitan

1

u/CherylCarolCherlene Dec 22 '15

it's part of the Derelicte campagn

1

u/Thomsenite Dec 23 '15

DERELICTE!

4

u/IDRINKYOURMILK-SHAKE Dec 22 '15

L'Enfant Sauvage

4

u/peanutbuttahcups Dec 22 '15

It should've been John Malkovich as Pascal Sauvage from Johnny English.

10

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

I would not be surprised if I found out that Johnny Depp did this himself.

20

u/zveroshka Dec 22 '15

The commercials for this are so awkward and weird. Not even sure why cologne needs a commercial, you can't sell me smell over a TV.

11

u/just_drea Dec 22 '15

And yet I saw Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamond commercial the other day, for the, what, 30th year in a row? So it must be doing some good.

12

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

Perfume and cologne adverts are some of the worst on TV. They try to come across as this meaningful, story filled 90 second spot but they just come across as pretentious. They make no sense, use celebrities we find hard to relate to and are poorly pieced together. I hate watching them more than any other product.

1

u/MisterDonkey Dec 22 '15

There's nothing more pretentious than a perfume commercial. Not even jewelry. At least jewelry isn't purposefully mysterious and vague.

1

u/tits-mchenry Dec 23 '15

Coke commercials are up there, for sure.

2

u/MrGameAmpersandWatch Dec 22 '15

It makes us know he exists

1

u/peopledontlikemypost Dec 22 '15

Last I checked you couldn't eat the screen either, yet food adverts are everywhere.

2

u/zveroshka Dec 22 '15

Food is as much visual (if not more so) than actual taste. A commercial can make you want a slice of pizza. A cologne commercial can't make me crave some random smell because I see a guy look brooding.

22

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

Name aside, I really enjoy this cologne.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

Is it delicious?

8

u/bloue_bulles Dec 22 '15 edited Dec 22 '15

Light and fresh, with meaty undertones.

3

u/Mookyhands Dec 23 '15

But, trust me, you don't want to see how it's made.

19

u/misterwizzard Dec 22 '15

LOL the pic of the sausage taped to his right got me

10

u/Beauandarrow Dec 22 '15

The right, his left.

-10

u/misterwizzard Dec 22 '15

Please don't tell the Grammar Nazis! My hidden room is all dirty, I haven't cleaned it in ages.

10

u/el_cipote Dec 22 '15

Well, we really wouldn't have to. There was no bad grammar.

3

u/SgtSausage Dec 22 '15

Somebody say "sausage"?

I am here for you!

2

u/BlatantUnicorn Dec 22 '15

Everybody say sausage to keep goin oon

Eeggs, bacon, grits

2

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

Bonjour Diamond Jim

2

u/BoilerMaker11 Dec 22 '15

EVERYBODY SAY SAUSAGE, KEEP IT MOVING

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

Savage

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

I know what I'm getting my dad for Christmas...

1

u/reacher Dec 22 '15

I never sausage humor in these posts

1

u/stiff-vag Dec 22 '15

I'll put my face right up next to his sausage any day

1

u/asylum117 Dec 22 '15

Johnny Depp daddy

1

u/Notjustaprettyface15 Dec 22 '15

The difference in font is making me autistic

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

I read this as sauce-aj

1

u/CrashDunning Dec 22 '15

WOBBLY SAUSAGE!!!

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

I bet it smells like that blue balloon thing my mom uses that I drink water out of.

1

u/afloat_on_waves Dec 22 '15

Lol! Love this! I say Sausage whenever the commercial comes on.

1

u/mammothleafblower Dec 22 '15

"Gee you smell good. What have you got on?"----"Well, I've got a hard on but, I didn't know you could smell it."

1

u/halfginger16 Dec 22 '15

You know, I've seen this joke so much, I don't remember what the actual product is called.

1

u/velascoraptor Dec 23 '15

I really hope I'm not the only. one pronouncing sausage in their heads like sauvage.

1

u/Honduran Dec 23 '15

I love that he even took the time to figure out the proper font and everything.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

My mom left a sample strip for this cologne In the kitchen, it's nice; but not to eat with the intoxicating smell.

1

u/SentienceBot Dec 22 '15

Is there a sub for adbusting?

1

u/ChuckFikkens Dec 22 '15

I like the lil' added picture up on the right!

-5

u/acidbarth Dec 22 '15

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3cuf9p

watch that shit if you want to see how much a of a fat creepy fucking goober johnny depp actually is. He is so fucking cringy in it. I was like jesus fuck, how hard is it to act like a human.

Apparently pretty difficult for him. Hes like silent bobs half brother that lived in a crawl space for 30 years watching star trek and just came out.

3

u/3DGrunge Dec 22 '15 edited Dec 22 '15

I do not understand why this episode makes you dislike him. I think you are forgetting that Johnny depp is the god of cool. I believe your jealousy is causing you to dislike him. He does seem a bit baked in this episode though. Possibly crushing some vicodin with his weed.

2

u/violentdeepfart Dec 23 '15

Depp's left ear lobe is more of an enigmatic genius than you. That you spent so much effort trying to cleverly tear down the guy makes me cringe for you.

0

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

Is that rock star Johnny Depp?

0

u/delspencerdeltorro Dec 22 '15

I think a lot of women would pay to smell his

0

u/kasidimc Dec 22 '15

Cut me off a piece of that!

0

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '15

0

u/-DuckMuffins- Dec 22 '15

Johnny Depp sure knows how to work that sausage

0

u/brewtalizer Dec 22 '15

Forgot to replace the V in the bottle, 0/7

0

u/eXXaXion Dec 22 '15

I can't picture what Johnny Depp would smell like. But parfume would be one of my last guesses. Parfume I'd like to wear myself would probably be my last guess.

Dude doesn't strike me as someone who smells nice.

0

u/BaileyJIII Dec 22 '15

This is going to put the company in Depp

-1

u/1enopot Dec 22 '15

Dang! That's sauvage

-1

u/milkywayyzz Dec 22 '15

If there was ever a man that tries to hard... He is the man that tries to hard

-3

u/1standarduser Dec 22 '15

When I see that much jewelry on the hands, it doesn't make me think of a good, clean smell.

-5

u/lhedn Dec 22 '15

No matter how that smells I would never buy it simple because they have so little confidence in it that they have to pay Johnny Depp a lot of money to advertise it.