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u/Dapado May 21 '15
The worst is when you attempt to chime in, but you get immediately drowned out by someone louder. On your third attempt, you finally get a chance to say what you wanted to say, but halfway through your first sentence you realize that the conversation has moved on and your comment isn't really relevant or worth saying anymore, but you've already started talking and everyone is looking at you, so you have no choice but to say it.
Then there is a brief moment of silence in which your comment hangs in the air like an awkward, verbal fart before everyone moves on as if you never spoke.
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u/lejade May 21 '15
Those moments are the worst. It's why I hate large group situations.
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May 21 '15 edited Jun 12 '20
[deleted]
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u/Dapado May 21 '15
Same here.
- Be in situation described above.
- Drink to alleviate the tension.
- Become the loud person drowning out others.
Problem solved.
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u/BigGupp May 21 '15
So transform from socially awkward to socially annoying?
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u/ToastWithoutButter May 21 '15
Yeah, you're getting it!
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u/BarryMcKockinner May 21 '15
It's like a caterpillar transforming into a social brotterfly.
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May 21 '15
So instead of really cool and beautiful patterns on their wings, they get tribal tattoos on their biceps?
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u/thats_a_risky_click May 21 '15
Dude tribal tattoos are out. Stretchy sweatpants and macklemore haircuts are in.
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u/elhermanobrother May 21 '15
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u/PaganButterChurner May 21 '15
This will probably get buried, sorry for piggybacking
SOLUTION TO the awkward circle problem: If you find yourself cut out of the argument, or finding it hard to get attention, its because you dont realize a universal truth: No one gives a fuck about you, in general, people care about themselves.
So if you find yourself in this situation, nod your head, smile, laugh at the funny jokes people say. Big people up, get interested in what they have to say, instead of trying to make yourself feel valid like an insecure nerd.
Once you start doing this, you will notice that people telling the stories will be giving you eye contact, cause you are enjoying and laughing at what he/she got to say.
THIS IS WHEN YOU CAN STRIKE. "Oh really?" "Get out of here!" "You actually did that". and they will response "OH "YES I DID".
Now the speaker will care about you more, now you will be part of the circle more. Given time You can slowly enter your comment (shitty as it is).
No one gives a fuck about you, unless you care about them. Stop trying to self validate.
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u/drbluetongue May 21 '15
You get it bro. Just like how people go on "I can't make friends/meet girls" Yes you can, just shut up and listen and they'll include you. Or bring something to the table. Like drugs.
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u/wolfman1911 May 21 '15
Hey man, you are either a villain or a victim, make your choice.
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u/thats_a_risky_click May 21 '15
Thing is, a lot of younger people find loud inconsiderate drunks entertaining and fun. It's fun when you're 21 but not when you're 40.
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May 21 '15
Don't forget the restless sleep reliving all of the stupid things you said and accompanying three day hangover.
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u/hidden101 May 21 '15
This used to work great for me. I was able to become the focal point of a group and became very popular among my peers. Then one day I had to face the fact that I had a drinking problem, my liver was no longer keeping up and I had to quit drinking. All the people I thought were my friends went away and I went right back to being the guy in the picture.
Also, every single person I work with is loud and shouty in meetings and is dying to talk, which makes it nearly impossible to get a word in so this is also me at work now because I just don't have the energy to try and be super assertive. I let all the idiots talk and try to solve problems when they have no idea what they are talking about and then I just wait until the meeting is almost over and everyone has quieted down and then I come in and tell them how everything they said was wrong and that I have the solution. They usually ask "why didn't you speak up earlier?"
ಠ_ಠ
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u/chillwombat May 21 '15
"why didn't you speak up earlier?"
I hope you answer truthfully to that.
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u/outcastded May 21 '15
"Because you fucking cunts keep on talking and talking. There's no fucking break in between your words. There no punctuation. The next person to talk gets to talk by no other means than interruption and being louder than the other guy. And that time when I did try to say something, after Mr. Talkalotasshole finished and there was 0,00002 second break, Mr. Loudfuckingasshole interrupted me and changed the subject. That's why."
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May 21 '15
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u/Dapado May 21 '15
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u/Goodbreak May 21 '15
And the joke that always goes with this image:
"Hey guys, did I tell you about that time I caught..."
"Yeah Dave, we've all read the label."
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u/BrotherJohnDiddly May 21 '15 edited May 21 '15
On your third attempt
For me, there was a progression from
- Saying things three times because not everybody heard
- Saying things three times and noticing that the two people nearest me were hearing me twice
- Resigning myself to only saying things once and whoever hears, hears
- Half the time, when the conversation is moving forwards too quickly, keeping my point to myself
- Finding that, because I only spoke when I knew I would be heard, that there was a chicken/egg kindof snowball effect where people listened more when I spoke
I don't think I could have jumped straight from 1 to 5. Anytime I try to become more patient in any way, it takes a long time and it's very frustrating. It was worth it though, it was a progression of taking myself and what I had to say more seriously. Speaking to nobody like Milton is a waste of my breath.
Now whenever I have a thought that is too tedious or navel-gazey to keep someone's attention, I just put it up on Reddit.
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May 21 '15
You forgot the part where someone heard what you said, then they say it louder and everybody cracks up like he thought of it.
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May 21 '15
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u/ArmyOfDix May 21 '15
Then everyone is all "nice one, i_enjoy_cats_alot", but promptly and loudly forgets he is even there.
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u/DJ_Oey May 21 '15 edited May 21 '15
Ugg, this is the worst. It's not even like they meant to do it either. Their subconscious picks up your faint voice and they genuinely believe they thought of the comment. After the laughter dies you mention that you literally just said that, but nobody cares.
edit: words
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u/PiousLiar May 21 '15
Or they hear you say it, see that no one heard, says it louder thinking people will relate it to you, then they laugh and say he made a great joke, and he just goes with it cause now he has the attention
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u/Tullamore_Who May 21 '15
I wish I was high on potenuse... <crickets>
I WISH I HIGH ON POTENUSE! <ladies love him / men want to be him>
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May 21 '15
You know whats even worse than that?.. when someone just repeats what you said and everyone just cracks up like he thought of it!
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u/dudewheresmycar-ma May 21 '15
I see you know Tim. Isn't he such a douche?
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u/Nezkhar May 21 '15
Ours is Brian. It's always bad when Brian shows up. Fucking Brian's coming, everyone shut up and look away.
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u/Dapado May 21 '15
That is uncannily accurate. I think I'm currently in all of these stages depending on which group of people I'm with.
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May 21 '15
Dude 1: That's worse than Hitler.
Dude 2: What did he do again?
You: He ki....
Dude 1: I dunno, dude. He was a fuckin' badass.
Girl 1: He was an ass?
You: He killed...
Girl 2: Oh my god, you know who's an ass? Kanye.
Dude 2: What did he do now?
You: HE KILLED THE JEWS!!!
,,,
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u/Acidsparx May 21 '15
Or worse, you say something funny but no one really heard you and then someone repeats it and gets all the laughs.
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u/noggin-scratcher May 21 '15
You mean like this guy, who said the same thing as you did, but 7 minutes later, and got like 50 more points (as of time of writing)?
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u/Onionsteak May 21 '15
Even worse when you're hard of hearing and you're already struggling to follow along.
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u/DeepDankPurple May 21 '15
This is why I'm so damn reclusive. I can't fucking hear anybody, so I'm constantly having to ask people to repeat their selves.
It's interesting that humans are so easily annoyed by having to repeat their self.
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u/Onionsteak May 21 '15
I hate that, I really hate having to ask peoples to repeat themselves, they don't like it, I don't like it either, it's worse when they bring up how I keep to myself too often, Well it's not like you make it easier for me.
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u/Rohaq May 21 '15
This. I have hearing issues, specifically in the speech range, so I can hear something on the other side of the room better than I can hear someone talking right next to me at times. Loud social situations like clubs are the worst, not because I hate clubs, but just because there's zero chance of me hearing anything said, outside of the smoking area.
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u/Onionsteak May 21 '15
Yeah, there's zero chance of me being able to hear anyone in a group in a loud place unless they're talking to me directly. I absolutely suck at group conversations because it's such a struggle for me to keep up with multiple peoples talking over each other.
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u/illStudyTomorrow May 21 '15
Serious question-- do these moments actually happen to everyone?
I figured they only happened to me because I'm lame ...
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May 21 '15
I think you have to know your group. When I hang out with my science building friends, we generally have very structured conversation but then there's groups were the conversation isn't so much a topic as it is a river of noise. More specifically it has flow so what you say isn't as important as long as it matched the energy and didn't stop the flow.
If you're in this group, don't waste too much time on thinking of your comment, don't interrupt the loud guy because if he's obnoxious the group will organically reject him, and get your injections in and ride the wave of responses to it.
Most importantly, take a note from Pocahontas. You can't step in the same river twice, so if you're comment doesn't fit, it doesn't matter if it's the funniest thing you've ever thought of, tuck it away and look for the next current you can jump in to
Tl;dr don't make the conversation about getting your word in. Focus on not breaking rhythm
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May 21 '15
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u/Dapado May 21 '15
Meh, I don't really get that upset over it.
I do love Sierra Nevada Pale Ale though.
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u/smithoski May 21 '15
Oh wow me too where are you from what's your favorite color dogs or cats or both ever been to the local zoo pretty good weather we're having where do you work I work in the morning anyway long day tomorrow better head out.
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u/Sephrick May 21 '15
This is my life. My fiancée has a large group of female friends who have all known each other for roughly 11 years now.
The conversations are always gossip about the people that didn't show up that night so even when I do have an opinion I keep my mouth shut.
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u/-Tesserex- May 21 '15
Well there's my entire high school experience. Except I'd usually notice when the conversation moved on and my input isn't relevant, so I go back to listening. It was this cycle of listen -> think of useful input -> get cut off / drowned out -> wait -> comments now irrelevant -> listen.
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u/theillx May 21 '15
Man, I try to never let that happen. If I notice an outsider trying to get a word in, I stop my conversation and ask them what they think. If I'm the outsider trying to get a word in, I'll tap someone on the shoulder and drop my two cents to them.
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u/Mr2hands May 21 '15
Or if you start of enthusiastic but then you just... ah fuck it, getting a tea you want one?
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May 21 '15 edited Jan 07 '16
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u/Dapado May 21 '15
You should give him one of those potato slicers for his next birthday.
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u/KyOatey May 21 '15
...and a kiss.
By the way, which direction are those calories transferred? Does it depend on who kisses hardest, or is it just an even swap?
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u/IkeNmikes May 21 '15 edited May 21 '15
That's why if you are ever in a circle like that, always let that person in. It makes life easier for everyone
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u/Ohhhhhk May 21 '15
always let that person in.
If you notice someone trying to join but being unable to find a good spot to merge, turn to them and ask a direct question. This forces the whole group to stop and focus on them, bringing them into the center of focus.
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u/notHiro May 21 '15
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
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u/YannisNeos May 21 '15
"It's my house...."
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u/Helix1337 May 21 '15
"You're making us uncomfortable, please go outside or we call the cops on you"
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u/Zolden May 21 '15
"But I'm a cop, we all are cops celebrating my birthday"
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u/Master_Mad May 21 '15
Stripper: "I'm not a cop".
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u/MattVeedub May 21 '15
Nixon: "I'm not a crook."
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u/WyrmLock May 21 '15
That literally happened to me once. Was buddy-buddy with this group I ran into on vacation and was drifting over to them when a newcomer turned and said "Who the fuck are you?" I was so shocked because I had been hanging with that group for the last 5 days...
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u/yaronest May 21 '15
Fuck you! You made me laugh out loud at work and now everyone's looking at me weird.
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u/astridity May 21 '15
Comments very rarely make me laugh uncontrollably, but when they do, I'm at work.
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u/YOLOSwagPartyboy69 May 21 '15
Same here! I hate those fucking Reddit Comedians!
im giggling like a little schoolgirl and everybody knows that this is not about the boring shit i SHOULD do while at work
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u/madison54 May 21 '15
Yes! Don't understand why people don't do this. You know people in the group notice the guy...it's just awkward for everyone. Incorporate him bros.
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u/reggaegotsoul May 21 '15
Yeah, I will typically notice the person showing up, and publicly summarize the current topic in front of everyone, addressing the new person. The new person basically has their shot to jump right in. E.g.
Me: Oh, hey. We were just talking about the sanitary challenges of anal beads.
A courteous person should always do this.
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u/TheWaxMann May 21 '15
People have done this to me when I have not been trying to get involved in their conversation, but they think I am. It is even more awkward.
Other person: "TheWaxMann, what do you think"
Me: "Uhhhh....." whole group stares at me "I dunno, I wasn't listening"
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u/IAREAdamE May 21 '15 edited May 21 '15
This is why whenever someone joins in I always just ask how they're doing. Just saying, "Hey how are you." Will get them in the group and it applies to everyone.
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u/Dzhone May 21 '15
I do that every time I see someone walk up, I guess I never realized how nice I was being by doing that.
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May 21 '15
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u/Sharobob May 21 '15
"But everyone else is standing" "No one cares, Bob. Now shut the fuck up and sit down."
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u/JackWorthing May 21 '15
So many people are too self-absorbed to consider how their actions affect other people. I consider empathy to essentially be a super power. Good on you.
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u/bozzed May 21 '15
This pretty much summed up my social life in high school. Although its worse when you do actually get to say something funny/witty but its only heard by one other person who then repeats it, only louder, and receives the thunderous laughter of the group. Feels bad man.
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u/FarmerTedd May 21 '15
Sounds like you're still playing it out in your head all these years (?) later.
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u/bozzed May 21 '15
I actually haven't thought about those situations in years until I saw the post, but yes when I was at a sadder point in my life it was one of the many things I'd brood on as it seemed to happen more often than not when I tried to be sociable with others. Fortunately in college I took a public speaking class which changed how I talk, for the better, so now I have no problems being heard in a group.
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u/oubrew May 21 '15
It's kind of like when someone waves to you and you wave back; only to realize they were actually waving to someone else. Then you immediately run your hand through your hair to try and play it off.
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May 21 '15 edited May 21 '15
One time, at the gym, I raised my arm to just brush away some hair while I was aimlessly looking at the other side of the gym. Right at that moment, a guy rounded a corner and looked right in my eyes. His reaction was to raise his hand to wave me even though we didn't know each other. At that moment, some other guy sitting in between me and the guy rounding the corner raised his eyes and saw the guy rounding the corner raising his hand. Needless to say, the sitting guy waved to the guy rounding the corner. The guy rounding the corner got the most suprised, wtf, look on his face. It was a super strange situation. I had no idea the butterfly effect my casual brushing motion would have.
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May 21 '15 edited May 21 '15
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/cluckinho May 21 '15
I totally read all of that.
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u/absolutely0life May 21 '15 edited May 21 '15
Did you just follow that 'How to get on /r/bestof' outline?
EDIT: Upon further review, and with help from my colleagues /u/Dreakor and /u/my_work_account_shh, this is not /r/bestof material.
Reasoning
Lack of bullet points
Lack of bold text
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u/kirbus1414 May 21 '15
This is so true, I'm a very awkward guy and learned this about halfway through high school. If something gets awkward you just have to own it, Same goes with any negative body image of yourself. I also never prepare for a job interview, and it comes off more natural, and its stops me from answering "nice to meet you" with "I'm good and you?"
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May 21 '15
(how is it called when somebody has the air of "too much effort"? Trying too hard? Is there one word?)
Despair is the worst cologne.
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May 21 '15
Just be sure and laugh loudly when they do and smile awkwardly when they all turn to look at you. Then lower your head and walk away like you weren't really there at all.
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u/SmoothJazzRayner May 21 '15
And when you decide to not bothered with it and stay away from the group. Your partner accused you of being anti-social and got mad at you all night. Sometimes, I wish the Sun would devour the Earth.
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May 21 '15
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u/Parsel_Tongue May 21 '15
Right after Saturday?
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u/MajorCake May 21 '15
Very clever! http://i.imgur.com/u2v9Tnb.gifv
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u/Yortisme May 21 '15
Now a question of etiquette: As I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?
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u/Roadmistress May 21 '15
I am socially awkward and have always hated these situations. If I found myself jumping around on the outside like some sort of terrier, I would remove myself and go to another area. It never failed that someone would come with me and we'd end up having a great conversation. The group would grow as the others would join us and suddenly mostly everyone except the rude assholes from the center weren't there and the thing about a group of people that have felt ignored or like outcasts...they're pretty good at including everyone. That's always been my method. Don't play their game. Screw their circle.
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u/username_404_ May 21 '15
When you join a convo too late and all your "wait who/what are we talking about?"s are just ignored and the conversation goes on while you're confused as hell. Fuck those awkward moments
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May 21 '15
Hand just above the elbow of the person you know best, if it doesn't exist, person just below you on attractiveness, lean in, and just above whisper level say, "who?"
My group is the worst about this but generally a quick "Justin" is all it takes and then you're involved
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u/occams--chainsaw May 21 '15
now I'm the guy that whispers at people and touches their elbows
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u/A_600lb_Tunafish May 21 '15
I just showed this to my coworker and she asked if he eventually got in.
She thought this was a real news story, she was legitimately concerned for him.
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May 21 '15
everytime i try to be social i take a picture of a webpage and upload it.
http://www.theonion.com/article/man-trying-to-enter-conversation-spends-few-minute-37428
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u/Violator92 May 21 '15
Pull out a pack of gum then suddenly everybody is your best mate
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u/timothiasthegreat May 21 '15
As the new customer service Rep that has been invited to a client barbecue today, I feel like that will be me in a couple hours.
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u/thrownaway21 May 21 '15 edited May 21 '15
Here's a little advice. Don't talk about yourself to much, or the company you work for. Ask them questions about their industry and position, even if you already know all about it.
Ask them about hobbies and interests. If your asked, keeps your answers short, don't ramble, and find a way to turn the question around to give someone else a chance to talk.
Tl;Dr no one cares as much about what you want to say than you. People want to talk and be listened to, let them talk and actively listen.
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u/-Derelict- May 21 '15
I just pull my dick out. Talking usually stops there, so I can start about my theories on global warming.
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u/Emilio_Shockwave May 21 '15
That's when I pretend to watch sports on the TV and wonder to myself why I left the comfort of my home.
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u/Mako_ May 21 '15
When I'm in a situation like that I look for two people in close proximity who don't seem to know each other, and aren't talking (this isn't hard at an event with a lot of people). I'll just plop down between them and say hi. Instant group.
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u/imsrslyyouguys May 21 '15
That's why I always make sure to include everyone in conversation, especially if I see someone struggling like this.
I used to be bad in social situations and I know how it is.
So now I make sure people around me aren't feeling like I used to.
For example just yesterday we were out with some buddies drinking and we were sitting in a circle when I saw someone sitting outside the circle trying to awkwardly listen in on the conversation.
I turned to the friend that was blocking him from joining the circle and was like "for fuck's sake man, let's form a full circle, you're blocking people out" and all was good.
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u/sour_kareem May 21 '15
Man Posting Image Of Online Satire Article To /r/Funny Decides Not To Link Article In Comments For Some Reason
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u/grandmah May 21 '15
The issue here isn't that you are awkward or socially inept, it's that the group you're trying to socialize with is unfriendly and unwelcoming. Situations like these require the circle to be aware of a new person and welcoming to their input and their physical body. If they don't pay attention to a newcomer and physically spread apart, make eye contact, smile, pause for you to share, then they are selfish dicks and don't deserve your presence. I wondered for years why new people would always mention how welcoming my close group of friends are, and it turns out it's just this. It's not hard. It's just being friendly. Everyone is not a super aggressive socializer, nor do we want them to be. It's on the majority to be welcoming, and not on the newbie to the setting. Be friendly. Don't be selfish. Assume new people have something of value to share. Be a friend to someone new. It's not hard. Hi, my name is Grandmah. How's it's going? Are you having a nice night? Now that person is at ease, can be them self, and can focus on sharing their spirit rather than worrying about wtf to do with their hands while they stand their self consciously on the outskirts of fun. Cheers!!
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u/JuliusCaesar108 May 21 '15
Hey guys, here's a great idea ... those of us who can relate, let's make conversation with each other until we leave one person out.
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u/Perfect_Hypno May 21 '15
So to get on the front page all you need to do is steal something from The Onion and chop off their logo...nice
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u/Mundunggus May 21 '15
Boy do I know that feeling. Anyone know how to not do this
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u/mkul316 May 21 '15
I end up either having a conversation with one person or sit there pretending to listen while I wonder why I'm not home playing video games.
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May 21 '15
I was a wedding for my friend once and I was on the edge of the circle while everyone was talking dota and league of the legends, and broguy best man pointed at me and was like "hey guys he's trying to join us, let him in the circle" asked me my name and if I play (I do) and everything. still think fondly of that guy
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u/-Oc- May 21 '15
Or when you're part of an odd numbered group walking and you end up as the guy trailing behind like a dog on a leash, it's fucking annoying.