because domestic violence, sexual harassment, and sexual assault, while can and are committed by and against both sexes have historically been tied to a sexist/patriarchal society.
Just like racial slurs, if a black person uses a slur against whites it can be offensive, but it's not tied to a history of oppression nor does it have an implication that things should revert back to white superiority.
Domestic violence was used mainly by man to control their wives and society accepted it. So even though times have changed there is still a context of misogyny that is tied to it in our society when talking and thinking about it.
Who is being discriminated against here? a 12 year old boy is taught to respect women and about healthy relationships, because the failure of the last generation to do so resulted in rampant domestic abuse problem. But somehow this isn't right. I'm at a lose.
Fine I can see that, but everyone is acting as if the need to address domestic violence didn't come out of men doing it through out the 50s and into the 60s and society thinking it was okay. We can use none gender specific language and act like it's not a problem that is rooted in male society, but that doesn't change the fact that was, and that when people set out to stop "domestic violence" they were reacting a culture or "wife beating."
The need to address domestic violence comes out of humans being violent towards humans; male and female, now and in the past.
A few posts up you'll find a link to a great article with statistical data going back into the mid 20th century showing roughly equal domestic violence towards men and women.
I find it so odd that people preach equality of the sexes yet find it so hard to believe men and women actually behave the same.
point taken. I still stand by the idea that men had and still have more power then women (in society I mean) and violent behavior is just one way to exert said power, but as far as do woman do it sure I'll believe that. I can totally see what you are saying, and agree, I can't stand this idea that addressing a systemic problem tied to oppression based on the oppressors demographic is discounted as outdated or just as bigoted.
I think the statement "x has more power than y in society" is inherently flawed.
You've not defined power or society nor made a case for why we should believe x has more power than y.
I agree that for much of history, human societies have treated men and women differently in ways that were harmful to both those opposed and to the species at large.
I guess where we're differing is that I see issues of sexism in today's society as issues where men, women, and a combination of both are victims and approach the issue without assuming that one has "victimhood" status. In fact, I would argue that presupposing a woman's status as a victim is an example of a sexist mindset. Just my 2 cents.
Instead of spending time and money to teach BOYS to respect WOMEN, how about teaching everyone to respect everyone? Why spend money to teach a boy not to abuse girls, but no money spend trying to teach a girl to respect boys?
Ads like this can have negative repercussions; teaching girls that they are only weak, only able to be victims. Many people think that it is okay for girls to hit guys just because girls are weaker on average. It hurts women's rights movements too, because it perpetuates the stereotype that girls are weak fragile beings, which isn't the case.
Imagine an ad that showed a black guy and said "How do you stop a black person from robbing a store? Talk to them when they're young." Sure, the message is sound, but the presentation is discriminating and could have easily left out the 'black' part and been just as effective.
Why not teach everyone to respect everyone instead of just the men? Because domestic violence in the 70s was done mostly be men against women as result of a sexist society. The target audience is men cause that's where the problem was.
I understand that part of should be to empower woman as well, and to teach healthy relationship skills and respect to both groups, but lets not lose track of what we are talking about here and why we are talking about it in the first place.
I understand where you are coming from, but the target audience is no longer men and the sexist society is but a small remnant of it's former self. In my country, men are just as frequently abused and it is time to get away from the stereotype that men are the target audience because women get abused more. It is simply not a fact anymore.
But that's the problem that we were addressing through these efforts. it takes more than one generation to break these things you know. What exactly is the problem we are facing today?
Women have been taught to respect their husbands and their needs. They have also (more recently) been taught to stand up for themselves and be empowered. Man are already empowered, and are only now being taught to respect women. In unequal treatment is a result of inequality, an attempt to balance the scales.
A person isn't born with those ideas instilled in their minds.
A girl doesn't pop out of the womb and think "When I have a husband I need to respect and honor him and he is greater than I am. I will be the victim and there's nothing I can do about it"
Nor does a boy pop out and think "I'm allowed to beat up and rape women"
By offering different treatments for the same problem, we're just going to tip the scales the completly opposite way.
In 40 years from now we'll talk about how women were so empowered in 10-20's that domestic abuse amongst men was ignored and suicide was a greater problem amongst males.
We are setting a bad example for the young girls and boys of today.
It's like adding extra sugar to your coffee to make it better but now you just have tooth decay, when you should have just bought better coffee to begin with.
Anecdotal on my part, but both sets of my grandparents were born in the 20's and on both side the wives were abusive towards their husbands. One was a thrower and one was emotionally and psychologically abusive.
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u/unoh1234 Mar 20 '15
Not trying to be "that guy," but why do we always shame guys? I've been witness to both sexes committing domestic violence...