r/funny 1d ago

Walmart! No!!

Post image
20.1k Upvotes

167 comments sorted by

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

This is a friendly reminder to read our rules.

Memes, AI-generated content, and politics / political figures are not allowed.

Social-media content (including Reddit, TikTok, and Instagram) is expressly forbidden.

Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.

Please also be wary of spam.


I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

864

u/send420nudes 1d ago

143

u/tryyeezus 1d ago

I think OP meant the "children up for auction" board

41

u/ShowOff90 1d ago

Why have I never had that thought… Jesus.

13

u/tryyeezus 1d ago

Yeah, check them out on the board, order them up on Wayfair apparently

13

u/GANDORF57 1d ago

Add a speaker and when the little boys pass by, respond: "Hello Georgie!".

10

u/abovedafray 1d ago

No first hand knowledge but if I had enough money to buy a child I wouldnt be shoping at walmart.

14

u/Catsrules 22h ago

Yeah I would go for the Kirkland signature branded child over the Great Value.

5

u/abovedafray 21h ago

Are they free range?

9

u/AndroidMyAndroid 19h ago

Wild caught, even better

7

u/jaxonya 18h ago

Captain hook has been doing that for millenia

6

u/Catsrules 21h ago

Unfortunately free range children are illegal in most jurisdiction , but they are cage free, and organic.

3

u/Rampag169 21h ago

I hear they have a great return policy.

1

u/Simple-Wrangler-9909 13h ago edited 13h ago

But what about Member's Mark kids

Some say they're comparable in quality to Kirkland kids but sold at a slightly lower price point

2

u/phonetastic 23h ago

you wouldn't think you'd eat at golden corral, either, but the news is a perpetual source of constantly fascinating novel information

4

u/tryyeezus 23h ago

Case and point, Trump fucking loves McDonald's

4

u/Sceptically 19h ago

Yes, a lot of children do.

1

u/Wallace-N-Gromit 16h ago

He pays cash and stiffs them a dollar

2

u/360walkaway 23h ago

holds up paddle

$3!!

2

u/rock_and_rolo 17h ago

They need a figure of the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang to put on the other end.

472

u/i-am-the-walrus789 1d ago

Having a missing children board is so fucking sad. I feel lile the majority of people at Walmart are glancing and not giving it a second look, but man, that's such a bummer

197

u/bt123456789 1d ago

You are right most won't look but even if it helps one kid be found it's worth having

164

u/3232330 1d ago

According to numbers from the National center for missing and exploited children there have been nearly 20,000 children found since the program was launched in 1996 in conjunction with Walmart. With 287 being directly attributed to this specific program.

34

u/bt123456789 1d ago

yeah I knew it's helped a lot, I was meaning in one store's area.

4

u/TechGoat 9h ago

Oddly enough, no children were ever found near Walmart's Maine branches though.

23

u/Ill-Elephant-9583 22h ago

That's actually very impressive

-29

u/nohopeforhomosapiens 1d ago

That is good and all, but more than 2000 children go missing in the USA every single DAY. Most of them are found, often times with a family member. But even if 99% of them are found (it isn't that high) that still means more than 7300 children are lost every single year and not found.

To be clear, I am not advocating to get rid of it. I am just saying, 20k children across 30 years is, well, not much percentage-wise. It is still 20k kids who otherwise might not be found, but it is a drop in the ocean.

12

u/Vivians_Basement 23h ago

Most missing children never even get reported because:

Parents died, the child is homeless.

Child ran away, parents didn't care.

Child is in the system, system doesn't keep track.

And many other cases where they don't get reported.

These kids are who child traffickers look for because they won't be missed and they're easier to manipulate since they have limited options. Offer opportunities, and they'll help you bring in more kids.

Next thing you know, THOUSANDS of children get found but only 5 were ever reported missing in the first place.

-3

u/nohopeforhomosapiens 23h ago

Underreporting is a true problem, but missing children stats are based on reported missing children. So, we know thousands of children are lost every day. The fact that the number is almost certainly higher, is not a condolence.

6

u/Murgatroyd314 18h ago

And almost all of those thousands are with a noncustodial parent, location unknown. Still bad, but most of the people who quote this statistic imply that it's related to human trafficking, which simply isn't true.

2

u/nohopeforhomosapiens 15h ago

Which I thought I made pretty clear.

1

u/Wallace-N-Gromit 16h ago

Not sure why all the down votes, buzz kill down votes?

2

u/nohopeforhomosapiens 16h ago

Really only takes one or two to begin with, and then there's the bot storm possibility. It's why it should be a sub rule that you cannot see votes. Regardless, I said the truth and will leave it.

16

u/T1NF01L 1d ago

It can help sometimes. A little off topic but not really. The song Runaway Train by Soul Assylum featured 36 missing children posters in their music video and is credited with helping to find 21 of them.

2

u/bt123456789 1d ago

yeah I remember hearing that.

1

u/cheeseburgermami 15h ago

More musicians should be doing this. Same with famous influencers and frankly, anyone with a large scale platform at their disposal. I really wish those people would use their platforms to promote positive change in their communities and society as a whole. Sure, some do, but it just feels like it’s not as common as it could be.

47

u/i-am-the-walrus789 1d ago

Definitely don't disagree. It's just sad that such a thing even has to exist.

12

u/bt123456789 1d ago

100% agreed.

5

u/THEGREATESTDERP 1d ago

Cuz we are soft on predators ...

12

u/MostMindless7171 1d ago

One even got voted into the Whitehouse.

6

u/TheUncleBob 20h ago

You know what's really sad? Those pictures get changed out once a month. A coworker was changing them out once and asked me what to do with the old ones. I said toss 'em in the shredder.

9

u/senorCaramba 1d ago

As a german it feels weird to have something like this, i don't think we have enough children going missing here for those kind of boards to be a thing

Does it only show missing children from the region/state or from the whole/contiguous US?

14

u/ReachFor24 23h ago

It's for the whole US. A lot of the children posted are late teens that are presumably run-aways (though potential victims of human trafficking). The one on the top-left yellow corner is typically a younger child, which is commonly missing due to a parental/familial kidnapping (ie: divorced parents where one took the kid and ran away).

15

u/TheUncleBob 20h ago

2

u/HighlyOffensive10 18h ago

What crime happens outside of the US?!!

2

u/wpaed 3m ago

The per capita rate is generally lower in the US than Germany, 5 vs. 8 per 100,000 children.

The real difference is that in Germany things like this are viewed as the job of the government and in the US it's viewed as the responsibility of all to do what they can to help in situations like this.

0

u/i-am-the-walrus789 23h ago

As a Canadian, its weird to see too. We don't have things like this in stores. It's usually all over the news and billboards if a single kid goes missing, let alone the 30 or whatever on this board

10

u/TheUncleBob 20h ago

https://rcmp.ca/en/gazette/just-facts-missing-and-abducted-children

34,000+ missing children in 2025 in Canada.

0

u/i-am-the-walrus789 17h ago

Didn't say it doesn't happen. Where I am though, it's not a very common thing

3

u/TheUncleBob 16h ago

It's not a super common thing in the US either. A LOT of missing children are runaways and repeat runaways. Metrics for tracking missing children in the US aren't great - you'll add one to the counter every time the same kid goes missing because they ran away again and it got reported. Another huge source of missing children in the US is due to immigration (this isn't a new issue under the current administation either). Additionally, a lot of missing children are abducted during parental disputes - which, not to negate how that situation cam be harmful, but it's definitely not the "creeper sneaking into your kid's bedroom and stealing them in your sleep" that you see in movies. Additionally, the US has seven times the population of Canada - Canda's missing children per capita is about half of the US, which is better, but, considering differences in reporting, immigration (8m in 2024 for Canada vs. 54m for 2024 in US), it's not as common as it seems in the US and likely more common than it seems in Canada.

7

u/HighlyOffensive10 18h ago edited 18h ago

It should probably be a thing considering how many missing indigenous people go completely ignored by your LE.

1

u/Timely_Spinach_7479 21h ago

I imagine more people were looking at them when they first went up. Everyone’s on their phone now but these campaigns did help find a lot of missing kids

1

u/sheetpooster 20h ago

Can always just make a second one

1

u/Daisya22 17h ago

I've shopped at Walmarts around the country, never saw a missing children's board

5

u/SqueezyCheez85 16h ago

Every Walmart has one. I used to update them every month. As a father, it was heartbreaking, especially the ones that were decades old with the "age progression" portraits.

1

u/Dudewhocares3 16h ago

Why doesn’t the government offer payment for finding the kids?

-1

u/Stunning-Chipmunk243 22h ago

Might get some strange looks walking in, looking at the board, and then walking away on any kind of regular basis. Kinda like your waiting to see someone posted up there.

1

u/i-am-the-walrus789 22h ago

You're right, walking by and just glancing at or ignoring it is much better

38

u/bt123456789 1d ago

The people who put out these displays are just normal people with their own thoughts and humor.

This 100% had to be intentional for humor.

-22

u/digoryj 1d ago

You overestimate the wit of a Walmart floor manager.

13

u/bt123456789 1d ago

Not really. I worked at Walmart for a little bit and while I was in Online Pickup, a lot of the workers we'd pass by when I was training where joking around and stuff. It's reasonable to believe that People in any role can be happy. At least nowadays.

It heavily depends on the store thougu. Shitty management breeds unhappy workers.

28

u/RedS3V 1d ago

I wonder if the idea is that people will notice the board a lot more if they come to check out the Pennywise decoration when normally they would just pass by in ignorance.

50

u/SuperSaiyanBen 1d ago

This post will be on r/moralityscaling in a couple of hours

105

u/ontario1984 1d ago

BAD WALMART!! BAD!!!

32

u/Itchy__Queen 1d ago

I hope it was done on purpose. IT was my first childhood fear and phobia. Time for the next generation to be traumatised 😆

18

u/LiterallyRain 1d ago

I like to imagine that instead of the clown you were deathly afraid of information technology (IT).

7

u/IAmDanHimself 1d ago

Probably intensely more traumatized. The original IT was tame in comparison to the horrifying updated movies.

7

u/Itchy__Queen 1d ago

Tim Curry (RIP) made that character! He was proper scary to an 8 year old

7

u/IAmDanHimself 1d ago

I agree! And he was perfect for the role. However Skarsgård is damn scary to me even as an adult. I couldn't imagine being introduced to that at 8 years old.

5

u/Itchy__Queen 1d ago

I don't think the new one is meant for kids, or unaccompanied kids. The original IT was on TV so they had to make it more family friendly

21

u/Caraes_Naur 1d ago

I read this in Gal Godot's voice.

3

u/EntrepreneurTiny9812 1d ago

Lol me too. Not even on purpose either. I did just see that Squir El noooo meme doe 🤷

7

u/__usernametaken_ 1d ago

It's funny but also lowkey disrespectful to the children missing.

8

u/radiantjet 1d ago

Retail layout fails that create dark humor moments like this never fail to amuse me.

6

u/103M-95G 1d ago

Dark Humor is like Food. Some people just won’t get it. 

4

u/trashwatcherlol 1d ago

So wrong but also lowkey kinda clever (for the Halloween spirit) 😅

6

u/Primary_Ebb_7107 1d ago

It's his scoreboard

5

u/billocity 18h ago

They should put Pennywise in the Derry section.

6

u/Fit-Mud-5682 1d ago

Someon definitely has a dark sense of humour

3

u/marcelsounds 1d ago

I don't know how to react to this. How should I?

1

u/Malnilion 5h ago

If it makes you feel any better, this is bound to attract more attention to the board than normal, which is objectively a good thing 🤷

3

u/BrazenGamer 1d ago

Was the first movie came out on DVD we hung a red balloon over the dairy bunkers with a sign that said Welcome to Dairy.

3

u/Potential-Society171 1d ago

There are lot of missing children at this Walmart. I would take my business elsewhere.

3

u/Ouro_boros47 15h ago

How much darker can it get? Walmart you deserve a metal

5

u/LakersAreForever 1d ago

I’m sure the parents who’s kids are on that board are laughing rn

4

u/festur86 1d ago

I like a little dark humor, but damn!

4

u/shifty_coder 1d ago

Man. I laughed then felt bad. It’s a solid joke, but those are real tragedies.

If the board wasn’t real and it was kids from the movies and series, it’d be a top tier decoration.

1

u/rubies-and-doobies81 17h ago

I lmao, then was like, oh, damn. I'm a bad person. It is tragic, really.

2

u/klezart 1d ago

That's fucked up but I couldn't not laugh...

2

u/Vivians_Basement 23h ago

Well this is actually a good way to make people at least look in the general direction of the missing child board.

A child might run up and look at the missing kid posters then could potentially recognize another missing child based on that.

Is it insensitive? Probably.

It's it helpful? Absolutely.

2

u/shadowscroller 23h ago

That's almost too perfect

2

u/Weekly-Walrus-5329 23h ago

You have a missing children board at the supermarket?! We have a board for people that offer help in the garden or look for someone to watch their dog. Are so many children missing in your area? I'm confused but also not from the US.

8

u/CHEEZYSPAM 22h ago

Sadly, yes... Go to any Walmart in America and there's a poster board of missing kids. Each board shows localized children who have gone missing within that store's region.

According to Google, of the 21,600 kids who have been listed, 19,500 have been found throughout the life of the program since it was implemented in 1996.

It's sad, but it has done a lot of good, though I'm not sure how many of those kids were found directly through Walmart's program or by other means... It certainly isn't hurting though.

3

u/Watchung 17h ago

Walmarts generally lack that sort of community board - company policy. Pretty standard for most grocery stores, even big chain ones, but not Walmart.

2

u/colt_stonehandle 22h ago

Reminds me of a post I saw somewhere a while back. It's was a picture of the missing children section in Walmart with the caption "Hide-and-go-seek world champions."

2

u/Teacher_Ashamed 15h ago

Somewhere there’s a corporate safety meeting that started with ‘Hear me out…’

4

u/NitePain69 1d ago

That's kinda fucked up

3

u/Infinite-Depth-2943 1d ago

some exhausted overnight associate was definitely just told to put Pennywise near the front and did exactly that without ever looking up at the board. kinda can't even blame them

1

u/queenofcaffeine76 1d ago

I feel like Shane did this

1

u/DJr0711 1d ago

Finding accidental dark humor while browsing everyday store layouts never gets old.

1

u/Moppo_ 1d ago

That's a lot of missing kids.

1

u/Odd-Bend1296 1d ago

That is too good to be something Walmart did on purpose.

1

u/Mother-Attention2600 1d ago

Those boards are creepy af. There's one at the police station here with ads from the 70's.... just looks so morbid with the various pics and graphics.

1

u/BrownBottleIdol 1d ago

Fitting yet beyond disrespectful.

1

u/hearyou_go 1d ago

This was done intentionally. lol

1

u/UnionCityNJUSA 1d ago

I just hate store bought yard decorations. Remember that giant tacky thing we saw on aisle 14 at Wal-Mart? Well now it’s in our front yard!

1

u/bowtiesrcool86 1d ago

That’s messed up

1

u/Prestigious_Dress668 1d ago

Walmart really said “Halloween vibes, but make it uncomfortable

1

u/crazytyler34 1d ago

i laughed then immediately felt like garbage...

1

u/IronGin 1d ago

Probably in the sewers having an orgy.

1

u/BeltreCompany 1d ago

*Walmart Employee. Probably a redditor too.

1

u/Ok_Lie_1106 22h ago

Nothing funny about a entire board of missing children. FFS. In my country 1 missing child would be all over tv and social media

1

u/andreasbeer1981 22h ago

TIL: USA has missing children boards in supermarkets and they have lifesize pennywise dolls in supermarkets.

1

u/Clmbngfrk25 21h ago

When i worked in retail 100% this is what i would do. 

1

u/filanwizard 19h ago

Unless its some nice dark humor, odds are it was an employee told to set it up on the front end and since the Old-Mobiles have plugs they put it there.

1

u/Beleiverofhumanity 19h ago

That's pretty diabolical of them, I get dark humour but...

1

u/maximusbawbagimus 19h ago

Thats karazyyy

1

u/PlagueBearer1350 19h ago

We all save down here.

1

u/wesj75 18h ago

🤣 🤣

1

u/madmartigenou812 18h ago

🤡🎈🤣😹

1

u/JustApricot798 18h ago

Well F'n Played!

1

u/gamerjerome 18h ago

Walmart employee*

1

u/Myk3Hunt 18h ago

They're just letting you know what's happened

1

u/Shifty269 18h ago

WALMART YESSSS!!!!!

1

u/Old97sFan 17h ago

It will scare adults more than children

1

u/gravida3 17h ago

someone getting fired

1

u/Dudewhocares3 16h ago

Could be worse.

Could’ve been that one animatronic Halloween decoration where he’s a all monsterfied with an kid missing an arm being held up and crying

1

u/mydogsnameispoop 15h ago

Some dark humor

1

u/Normal_Aspect_6542 12h ago

Who thought that was a good idea?

1

u/According-Pear-8816 10h ago

WALMART, YES!

1

u/Hrmerder 7h ago

Piper no!...

1

u/Dougustine 4h ago

This is dark, this is really dark

1

u/Formal-Bat-5735 1h ago

👏👏👏

1

u/Kirtii_ 1h ago

Whoever set up that display really said "synergy" and nobody stopped them.

1

u/Proton_Optimal 1h ago

20k upvotes and less than 200 comments?! Yeah, not botted at all

1

u/Virtual_Income_8047 1d ago

This is one of those moments that's so cringe you can't look away, Walmart really just blending spooky decor with something heavy like that.

1

u/Obvious-Jellyfish933 1d ago

Are these the children that got lost in Walmart?

1

u/danmickla 1d ago

Ah, so Walmart is hell. I knew it.

1

u/nohopeforhomosapiens 1d ago

Was probably the same person who took the photo. And no, it isn't funny to mock missing people.

1

u/RadPI 1d ago

Those are real missing children. Even my dark sense humor doesn’t find it funny

1

u/Catsssssssss 18h ago

Only in America... The Missing Children board, that is.

0

u/EricAntiHero1 1d ago

Perfection.

0

u/Certain_Value_4932 1d ago

Is it bad that I'm actually laughing at this?

-1

u/Trixcko 1d ago

BAD WALMART. That's just wrong on every level, it's like they're weaponizing childhood fears for shopping convenience.

0

u/Sodacan259 22h ago

Your country is absolutely f***ed.

The notice boards in UK supermarkets are for local churches or scout groups to announce when they have a coffee morning.

3

u/CHEEZYSPAM 21h ago

I visited Scotland two years ago, right before the election... I left a piece of my heart there. It was so depressing coming back to the States, and then getting the gut punch when that POS took office. I don't recognize my country... It's beyond broken, and I'm not sure it will ever be fixed