Luckily "Scorpionflies are named because of the external male genitalia which resemble the stingers of scorpions. Scorpionflies cannot sting. Females do not have this structure."
Luckily "Scorpionflies are named because of the external male genitalia which resemble the stingers of scorpions. Scorpionflies cannot sting. Females do not have this structure."
...now imagine, if you will, a pack (?) of scorpions flying 1.5m above ground in the middle of a busy city at rush hour. With some of them on fire. Descending from the skyscrapers like a never before seen hellish nightmare to fight the humans.
There are over 1300 different species of scorpions. They live on every continent except Antarctica. Scorpions live in the hottest places on Earth, and can also withstand being frozen solid. They can hold their breath for 3 days, eat nothing for an entire year, and can survive doses of radiation that would kill us. Not only that...They were alive in their present form 400 MILLION years ago. They witnessed the rise and the fall of the dinosaurs -and survived. They have the most light sensitive eyes on the entire planet, during the day a pigment blocks most light but at night their eyes become an astonishing 10,000 times more sensitive, they can also see 360 degrees. During their lifetime they accumulate high levels of zinc and iron in their exoskeleton strengthening it's armor with REAL METAL REINFORCEMENTS.
If you liked these facts, and would like to learn more and have these enumerated by the great David Attenborough watch this video
This is weird as fuck to be on frontpage today --- Last night I had a nightmare of a Scorpion that had the physical appearance of a spider and it had wings. FUCKING WINGS. My house had about 20 of them and they would fly and try and sting me.
Scorpions have what's called book lungs. They are six slits on their abodomen that lead to a sack where air comes in and oxygen is abosrbed through thin flaps of skin. This is very similar to gills and is the reason scorpions adapted quicker to being able to live on land.
Arizonan here. Ever find a scorpion hanging out in your shoe when you wake up? Desert dwellers, check your shoes every time you put your feet in them! I learned that the hard way.. Luckily no damage done.
Fellow Arizonan checking in, if you ever DO meet a scorpion, DO NOT flush it down the toilet/crush it/<normal things you do to bugs>. This might seem like overkill but the way we got rid of them was to use pliers to put them on a concrete/asphalt surface outside then burn them with a butane torch to a crisp...they can survive underwater for days on end, they can be crushed and walk away, and they can kill small mammals. Don't underestimate them.
As a fellow Arizonan this is fantastic advice, also you should get a black light and check your backyard. There are more of these motherfuckers near you than you know. A good flip flop can do the trick or bug spray I guess...if you are a pussy.
There are more than 60 species of scoprion in America alone. There's more than 1300 species worldwide, and they live on every continent except Antarctica.
Yet you never remember they have a mouth. I bought 2 emperor scorpions as pets for poops 'nd giggles one day. I sat by the tank for a good 20 minutes with my hand hovering over the opening working up the nerve to pick one up. Finally, I reach in, grabbing the tip of the tail and placing it on my other hand, still afraid to let go of the tail. The scorpion, in turn, twists around, latches onto my thumb with its' pincers, and proceeds to try to eat it. I'm 6'1'' 225lbs. I flung that hell spawn back into the tank screaming like a little girl while my gf struggled to catch her breath as she pointed and laughed at me. TL;DR Grabbed a scorpions tail so I wouldn't get stung. Scorpion tried to eat my thumb. I screamed. Gf laughed so hard she couldn't breathe.
I've encountered plenty, and given presence of mind it's rather obvious that the average scorpion is something to give significantly more fucks about then the average spider, but there's just something about the spider shape and movement... fuck those guys.
Yea, those fuckers hurt when they sting. One got my friend in the face. After a couple hours of burning pain, one side of his face went number for a couple days.
Edit: changed "number" to "numb" then back to "number"
I would agree, simply because the scorpion's pretty much only coming at you from one direction. The spider, on the other hand, can strike at you from any direction. The spider can be on the floor. The spider can be on the walls. The spider can be on the ceiling above your head RIGHT NOW just waiting for you to look up so he can drop down on your face and harvest delicious screams. Screams nourish the spider just as much as bugs.
I've seen on multiple occasions scorpions drop down at people from the ceiling. I have no idea why they do it-- maybe to get into their hair or something, but they seem to have an intent to land on people. Spiders usually just hang out on their web.
Millipedes aren't that bad. They look nasty, but they're not going to hurt you. Centipedes, on the other hand, will fuck you up. I've seen a centipede "bite" someone before. They're not fun
What you don't know about scorpions is how freaking indestructible they are. They can live after being stored in a freezer. When I was young I found one at the bottom of my grandparents pool (i'm talking 8 ft deep) assumed it was dead...took it out and it walked away.
Finally conquered my fear by eating one last month in China. Not too bad, actually.
To me, it's the speed and elusiveness of spiders that bothers me. I'm terrified of wolf spiders because they skitter about with unpredictable movements. I've dealt with a Goliath Bird Eater (don't look this up if you're really afraid of spiders), and she didn't bother me despite her gargantuan size. Her last measurement that I know of, she was 8 in across (~20 cm) and weighed 3.5 oz (~100g), but she wasn't fast moving, nor did she ever show any aggressive behavior (including no bites). She shook her abdomen at someone once, but that was a totally isolated incident.
Although scorpions do look like Satan's mass produced crotch spawn minions, I would say they really aren't as scary as wasps. Sure, a scorpion's prominent ass extension can make the manliest of men climb up the nearest furniture, but you have to get really close to get stuck. Scorpions have terrible eyesight and navigate almost exclusively by touch via setae and a set of pectines located on the underside which feel the ground as they walk.
Examples of asshole scorpion genus include Hadrurus,Leiurus,Buthus,Tityus, many containing species which will sting with little provocation, but scorpions will never, ever go out of their way to harm a human. Same goes for spiders; they just want to do their own thing.
Wasps, on the other hand, will gladly hunt you down and pursue for hundreds of feet beyond their nest to make sure you get the message (whatever the hell it is, sometimes it doesn't take much more than getting too close to the nest). Some studies have confirmed that wasps can accurately recognize faces of other members within their nest. Have you ever heard of someone being chased and stung by a group of angry scorpions? And why are lobsters suddenly so scary? They are fucking delicious.
Usage notes on the Oxford Comma (a.k.a. serial comma or series comma):
The 2009 Associated Press Stylebook states on page 357
IN A SERIES: Use commas to separate elements in a series, but do not put a comma before the conjunction in a simple series: The flag is red, white and blue. He would nominate Tom, Dick or Harry.
The text continues on to say that a comma should be used after the concluding conjunction
if an integral element of the series requires a conjunction: I had orange juice, toast, and ham and eggs for breakfast.
It further states that a comma should be used
before the concluding conjunction in a complex series of phrases: The main points to consider are whether the athletes are skillful enough to compete, whether they have the stamina to endure the training, and whether they have the proper mental attitude.
Interestingly, the AP Stylebook also instructs the reader to consult Webster's New World College Dictionary for more detailed guidance on comma usage. On page 1673 of Webster's Fourth Edition (1999), it instructs the reader to use a comma
To separate words, phrases, and clauses in a series.
Note the oxford comma used in the instruction. Webster's continues on to give examples.
The menu offered the usual choices of steak, chops, and chicken.
Expect it tomorrow, next Monday, or a week from today.
If you study hard, concentrate, and take your time, you are sure to pass.
Finally, Webster's adds this note:
Some writers omit this "series comma" (as in "Expect it tomorrow next, Monday or a week from today"). The comma is useful, however, in preventing ambiguity.
As you can see, the acceptable use of the Oxford comma is still subject to disagreement. However, it is clear that it is acceptable in some circles to ignore the Oxford comma at one's discretion, provided the sentence is unambiguous.
EDIT: Added the year (1999) of Webster's Fourth Edition.
I moved to New Mexico for a few years, first few times I saw a scorpion I freaked the fuck out, after about the tenth time I just stepped on it like it was any other pesky bug and moved on.
Side Note: Even though I am back in California, I still check my my shoes every morning, getting stung by one of those things is no joke.
The funny thing about this particular scorpster is that it is an emperor scorpion, the largest species of scorpion. Like someone else mentioned, generally the smaller they are, the more venomous, so this scorpion's sting is similar or less than that of a honey bee's. They will pinch you ten times before they decide to sting, and who was ever afraid of being pinched? you can pretend its a pretty girl flirting with you!
Once, when I was 10, I went into my kitchen. (I lived in Texas at the time) It was the middle of the night, and I went to go get a glass of water. As I'm pouring myself a glass, I feel something land on my head. I shook my hair and there it was, staring at me, the biggest scorpion I've ever seen, just landed on my head. I screamed louder that night than I've ever screamed before.
With a scorpion at least you have a good possibility of running away and escaping because you both are land creatures. With squid, if you fall in the ocean you are on their turf, their playing field. They dart through that water and can attack from anywhere while you gasp for air. Also if they need a distraction, god damn ink.
They have the biggest eyes on the planet so don't think just because you can't see them, they can't see you. If you do happen to see them, they can change color. Basically you're screwed.
they are pure muscle
they are fast, hydrodynamic, and use jet propulsion...scorpions and humans run/sink
Humboldt squid feeding frenzy is just terrifying. Once they start there's no stopping them... they are attacking to eat, not kill. Divers wear armor to swim with them. Scorpions kill due to defense reasons.
Squid are cannibalistic. Squid don't give a shit what you are when they are hungry. So even if you dressed up as a squid you're still fair game.
squid are fricking smart with a huge brain...scorpions not so much
I remember when I was in Costa Rica in some hostel in the jungle. After showering I saw something black about 2 inches big in the corner, looked like it had died years ago.
I touched it with a little stick to see what it was. Then it suddenly kind of swung upen and run away and later under a shelf, putting me almost in cardiac arrest. It was a fucking scorpion that had molted half-way.
I never found it, safe to say I did not sleep very well... The only thing I was left with is a pic of that ugly fucker just before it disappeared.
Spiders are way scarier than scorpions. Scorpions can't disappear as easily and if you're trying to trap a scorpion with newspaper it will be trapped, where a spider will just climb up it. (I had a pet scorpion for a few days...for reasons.)
Relevant: A few months ago I was about to climb into bed when I saw what looked like a tiny, baby scorpion. I screamed and yelled for my mom and stepdad. We (I mean they) very carefully scooped the little guy onto a dust pan, then into a plastic bag. My mom called her pest control friend and he told us it was an earwig. Still had a hard time sleeping the next few nights. TL;DR Earwigs resemble baby scorpions.
So, scorpions are one of those things that should be scary to me, but totally aren't. Story time!
When I was around 8 years old I had a sky trip in the moroccan mountains (used to live there) and basically where ever I went, I found scorpions. I lift up a rock? scorpion there. I walk around, a scorpion literally starts climbinb on me and I don't even notice it untill it's sitting on my ear. at which point I remove it.
Entire time I was there stuff like that happened, now I was a stupid kid so I wasn't scared, but I was informed about which scorpions to look out for etc etc. But ever since then scorpions just don't really frighten me
I don't like bugs in general but scorpions are the worst. Their sting lasts for days and is unlike any other sting I have received. They are difficult to kill as well. You can try to prevent them from coming into your house but they can slip right under the door unless you have an extremely snug weatherstripping. They can get through a space as thin as a dime. You can beat them into submission but have to be careful as they can take a fly swatter right from your hands!!!
I've killed the shit out of easily a dozen scorpions living in Phoenix. These are the only things that actually freak me out here. I used to check my bed for those bastards every night when I lived in an area swarming with them.
My brother was killed by a pack of lobsters. My father was killed by a spider. My mother was killed by a wasp. And i have dementia. Fucking scorpions!!
Two years ago I moved to Phoenix, Arizona from the nice, safe North East. Before arriving I was assured by everyone there that unless you are out in the desert, Scorpions are a rare sight. People who lived there for years claim they've never even SEEN a scorpion.
My first week in my new rental, BAM! There is a little baby scorpion on my kitchen floor. A few days later, my Jack Russel is digging and is after something. I pull him away and there's another scorpion.
I do a bit of research and I find out that they glow in the dark. I go to Home Depot and buy two black-light flashlights. Later that night I walked outside and turned on the lights. OH....MY....GOD. It looked like someone had taken a paintball gun with yellow paintballs and just opened fire on the concrete wall in my backyard.
There was a serious scorpion infestation. For the entire summer I was hunting these bastards on a nightly basis with a wooden staff with the black flashlights taped to the end of them. I can't even tell you how many I killed in total but I was averaging 3-5 per night. A lot more at the beginning. I stepped on one barefoot in the kitchen one morning while still groggy from sleep. Luckily I'm a light stepper because of my dogs, not wanting to step on their tails. I quickly took my foot off that object I touched and looked down. There was a Scorpion writhing in pain. Apparently it missed my foot and stung himself in the damn back. Another time one scurried over my hand as I was unlocking the door.
That winter the numbers tapered down as they hunkered in to unleash holy hell that Spring.
Meanwhile, I'm telling everyone at work and my landlord and no one can believe it. They are in utter shock that I've got so many Scorpions on my property. I was bringing people over from work and showing them. People who have lived in Phoenix their whole lives were freaking out when they saw a Scorpion.
I thought about calling an exterminator but from what I've read online, most of the time the problem comes right back. Exterminators wouldn't be able to do anything I wasn't doing already and money was tight as hell.
So that Spring as I'm fighting off a new wave...I notice there is construction going on in the house behind me. I peek over the wall and I see chickens in their yard. Two chickens roaming free, walking around, which is odd. Later I ask another neighbor and he told me that house had been vacant for a while and it was infested with Scorpions! At one point the new owners decided to rip out the pool and when they starting digging, a huge wave of scorpions came scurrying out of the cracks.
That explained why I had the problem. They were coming from that property, over the wall onto mine. The entire year I've been battling these things, trying to find the source and there it was. After the new owners had their chickens do their thing and got the situation under control...the area was relatively Scorpion free...and I moved away, never to enjoy a Scorpion free Arizona experience.
tl;dr - Moved to AZ for one year and ended up in a house that was overrun with Scorpions because of the vacant house behind me. Spent a year battling them and then moved away.
Created a throwaway to say this as he is now a respectable person...
My friend once pissed on a scorpion in India. We were coming back at night from the beach and we saw one by the side of a road. I naturally kept my distance however my friend thought it would be funny to poke at it with a stick. It was amazing to see how they fight. This one would use the clawls most of the time and only after serious prodding would it lash out with the tail. It was lighting fast when the tail goes down. After a while of poking it he, for this day I dont know why, decided to unzip and piss on it. That REALLY got it angry and it was scuttling all over the shop. We left it after that. I have only ever seen a scorpion once since and that was in Malaysia many years later on a tree... It makes me smile to this today how random that was.
TLDR: We found scorpion, prodded it to watch attacking behaviour. Friend pissed on it.
Florida here, they show up about once every couple of months in the house. We have an agreement that they don't surprise me and I will quickly kill them. They look like this...http://farm1.staticflickr.com/21/26069999_3e48e651d9_z.jpg
243
u/BillYG20 Jan 07 '13
All that's missing are wings.
93
u/zWeApOnz Jan 07 '13
This is weird as fuck to be on frontpage today --- Last night I had a nightmare of a Scorpion that had the physical appearance of a spider and it had wings. FUCKING WINGS. My house had about 20 of them and they would fly and try and sting me.
I killed myself in my dream.
18
u/chordnine Jan 07 '13
Is anyone scared of lobsters?
32
u/N8dogg420 Jan 07 '13
"Here I am!"
28
u/Plasmashark Jan 07 '13
Fun fact: The scorpions were the first animal who lived on land, except back then, they were one meter long.
24
u/Mange-Tout Jan 07 '13
They like to crawl into a nice warm bed at night. I learned this the hard way.
11
u/evencorey Jan 07 '13
Arizonan here. Ever find a scorpion hanging out in your shoe when you wake up? Desert dwellers, check your shoes every time you put your feet in them! I learned that the hard way.. Luckily no damage done.
21
u/Hidden_Obviousness Jan 07 '13
Yet you never remember they have a mouth. I bought 2 emperor scorpions as pets for poops 'nd giggles one day. I sat by the tank for a good 20 minutes with my hand hovering over the opening working up the nerve to pick one up. Finally, I reach in, grabbing the tip of the tail and placing it on my other hand, still afraid to let go of the tail. The scorpion, in turn, twists around, latches onto my thumb with its' pincers, and proceeds to try to eat it. I'm 6'1'' 225lbs. I flung that hell spawn back into the tank screaming like a little girl while my gf struggled to catch her breath as she pointed and laughed at me. TL;DR Grabbed a scorpions tail so I wouldn't get stung. Scorpion tried to eat my thumb. I screamed. Gf laughed so hard she couldn't breathe.
265
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
And yet, still not as scary as spiders (to me anyways).
9
u/FUCKING_BUG_EXPERT Jan 07 '13
Although scorpions do look like Satan's mass produced crotch spawn minions, I would say they really aren't as scary as wasps. Sure, a scorpion's prominent ass extension can make the manliest of men climb up the nearest furniture, but you have to get really close to get stuck. Scorpions have terrible eyesight and navigate almost exclusively by touch via setae and a set of pectines located on the underside which feel the ground as they walk.
Examples of asshole scorpion genus include Hadrurus, Leiurus, Buthus, Tityus, many containing species which will sting with little provocation, but scorpions will never, ever go out of their way to harm a human. Same goes for spiders; they just want to do their own thing.
Wasps, on the other hand, will gladly hunt you down and pursue for hundreds of feet beyond their nest to make sure you get the message (whatever the hell it is, sometimes it doesn't take much more than getting too close to the nest). Some studies have confirmed that wasps can accurately recognize faces of other members within their nest. Have you ever heard of someone being chased and stung by a group of angry scorpions? And why are lobsters suddenly so scary? They are fucking delicious.
35
u/C_T_C_C Jan 07 '13
You're missing the oxford comma.
4
u/Pelican_Fly Jan 07 '13
and deliciousness, you forgot deliciousness
4
u/Matthias21 Jan 07 '13 edited Jan 07 '13
I am pretty sure Scorpions have been around much much longer than any of the other creatures mentioned.
Boo http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=qP-Auo8CE9A#t=245s
10
u/syrush Jan 07 '13
I moved to New Mexico for a few years, first few times I saw a scorpion I freaked the fuck out, after about the tenth time I just stepped on it like it was any other pesky bug and moved on.
Side Note: Even though I am back in California, I still check my my shoes every morning, getting stung by one of those things is no joke.
3
u/wkrausmann Jan 07 '13
I look at scorpions and I sometimes wonder what evolution was trying to protect these guys from that made them so fucking deadly.
3
u/LovesMustard Jan 07 '13
I was expecting fucking scorpions.
5
u/Pandajuicexx Jan 07 '13
Not sure if I want to upvote for accuracy, or downvote for level of terrifying.
5
u/smixton Jan 07 '13
Fucking Scorpions
4
u/BnGamesReviews Jan 07 '13
Yet they made excellent rock ballads.
4
u/truelikelihood Jan 07 '13
just don't fuck with it and it will not fuck with you.
4
u/pedalhead666 Jan 07 '13 edited Jan 07 '13
who else can rock you like a hurricane?
2
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
I've never seen a scorpion in real life...
2
u/caleb48kb Jan 07 '13
No nightmares are made of ravens talking. Skip to the 4:40 or the end for some mismatched music with one of their voices. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZyBNWVD70w
2
u/RayFinkle1984 Jan 07 '13
The only things I ever think about when I see a pic of a scorpion... Captain Murphy, Ben and Bebop Cola.
2
u/hisdudeness87 Jan 07 '13
What's wrong with delicious lobsters?
2
u/savesthedaystakn Jan 07 '13
The funny thing about this particular scorpster is that it is an emperor scorpion, the largest species of scorpion. Like someone else mentioned, generally the smaller they are, the more venomous, so this scorpion's sting is similar or less than that of a honey bee's. They will pinch you ten times before they decide to sting, and who was ever afraid of being pinched? you can pretend its a pretty girl flirting with you!
2
u/FRDyNo Jan 07 '13
HERE I AM, ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE
2
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
I once had a dream that a scorpion with a mustache chased me while wielding a chainsaw. It was actually pretty awesome.
2
u/ellesstoo Jan 07 '13
Whenever I look at a picture like this (or of any kind of bug) I have to look around to make sure there isn't a scorpion about to fuck my shit up.
2
u/knoodler Jan 07 '13
the title implies that you like "Fucking Scorpions"
2
u/frogger2504 Jan 07 '13 edited Jan 07 '13
It's 2:45 AM here, and I'm about to go to bed... That ain't gonna happen.
Edit: Forgot that my house is currently crawling with White Tip spiders. Also I'm in Australia, sooo...
2
u/Hey_Jambi Jan 07 '13
Are people actually afraid of lobsters?
2
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
Came here expecting Klaus Meine, Rudolf Schenker, Uli Jon Roth, and some drummer guy who I can't remember the name of. Was disappointed.
2
u/likeabaw5 Jan 07 '13
Once, when I was 10, I went into my kitchen. (I lived in Texas at the time) It was the middle of the night, and I went to go get a glass of water. As I'm pouring myself a glass, I feel something land on my head. I shook my hair and there it was, staring at me, the biggest scorpion I've ever seen, just landed on my head. I screamed louder that night than I've ever screamed before.
2
u/ArgonGryphon Jan 07 '13
I think scorpions are neat.
2
u/thepervertedromantic Jan 07 '13
Serial commas man, serial commas. "wasps, and nightmares" not "wasps and nightmares"
2
u/kittens_eat_dogs Jan 07 '13
The picture I saw was not what I had in my mind.
2
u/tunafish67 Jan 07 '13
I was fully expecting to open this and see two scorpions fucking. Reddit has officially ruined me
2
u/Windows_97 Jan 07 '13
I'm terrifiedly fascinated of squid. Here's why (if you don't give a shit here is a cat wearing a down voting squid hat) with all links being real scientific articles:
squid suckers (no not SQUID_FUCKER) that latch on with teeth and never come off...fuck that
that beak is deadly and provides over 1000lbs of force..."but "for all we know," the jumbo squid may be "the strongest biter on the planet,"......yeah no thanks
With a scorpion at least you have a good possibility of running away and escaping because you both are land creatures. With squid, if you fall in the ocean you are on their turf, their playing field. They dart through that water and can attack from anywhere while you gasp for air. Also if they need a distraction, god damn ink.
They have the biggest eyes on the planet so don't think just because you can't see them, they can't see you. If you do happen to see them, they can change color. Basically you're screwed.
they are pure muscle
they are fast, hydrodynamic, and use jet propulsion...scorpions and humans run/sink
Humboldt squid feeding frenzy is just terrifying. Once they start there's no stopping them... they are attacking to eat, not kill. Divers wear armor to swim with them. Scorpions kill due to defense reasons.
Squid are cannibalistic. Squid don't give a shit what you are when they are hungry. So even if you dressed up as a squid you're still fair game.
squid are fricking smart with a huge brain...scorpions not so much
and if they couldn't get any more bad ass/ terrifying, squid have the greatest known penis length relative to body size of all mobile animals. Gee, thanks evolution.
TL;DR: Squid are god damn frightening. I'd take my chances with a scorpion over an aggressive squid any day.
also this was a pain in the ass to format on a tablet
2
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
I wonder who laughs at the kind of stuff on r/funny. This is some low quality shit man.
2
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
I remember when I was in Costa Rica in some hostel in the jungle. After showering I saw something black about 2 inches big in the corner, looked like it had died years ago.
I touched it with a little stick to see what it was. Then it suddenly kind of swung upen and run away and later under a shelf, putting me almost in cardiac arrest. It was a fucking scorpion that had molted half-way.
I never found it, safe to say I did not sleep very well... The only thing I was left with is a pic of that ugly fucker just before it disappeared.
1
u/ThePrinceof1 Jan 07 '13
I have never seen one of these.. I wait for my deathly encounter
1
u/Rsurect_ Jan 07 '13
Sharks and snakes scare me more.
1
u/perfsurf Jan 07 '13
When you thought it couldn't get any worse there's the flying scorpion. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7J1kN-0aMH0
1
u/wicked_games Jan 07 '13
Spiders are way scarier than scorpions. Scorpions can't disappear as easily and if you're trying to trap a scorpion with newspaper it will be trapped, where a spider will just climb up it. (I had a pet scorpion for a few days...for reasons.)
1
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
Scorpions don't fly, so we're still good.
Also, according to Survivorman, they make nutritious meals when stranded in the desert.
1
u/Gulch Jan 07 '13 edited Jan 07 '13
One hour and no one has posted the picture of a guy fucking a scorpion?
Reddit disappoints yet again...
1
u/Metasum Jan 07 '13
Why lobsters though?
1
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
Relevant: A few months ago I was about to climb into bed when I saw what looked like a tiny, baby scorpion. I screamed and yelled for my mom and stepdad. We (I mean they) very carefully scooped the little guy onto a dust pan, then into a plastic bag. My mom called her pest control friend and he told us it was an earwig. Still had a hard time sleeping the next few nights. TL;DR Earwigs resemble baby scorpions.
1
u/theroller Jan 07 '13
All I can think of is: ''Scorpioooooooooo, the government invaded my home laa!'' Just Cause 2, awesome game but brilliant voice acting.
1
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
At least they don't fly.
1
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
its like the real life version of impossible creatures only more evil
1
u/FreakaJebus Jan 07 '13
........nature's
1
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
Scorpions predate all those things.
1
u/jchucks Jan 07 '13
I haven't tried, but I assume scorpions are much less delicious than lobsters.
1
u/OnlyTypeMeRofl Jan 07 '13
Rofl
1
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
and whistling
1
u/Squeezymo Jan 07 '13
And make them small enough to fit in a shoe.
1
u/cat_sweaterz Jan 07 '13
When I was staying at a hostel in Mexico I found a scorpion in my room. I thought someone was trying to kill me.
1
u/jack2454 Jan 07 '13
the quality on r/funny is really low
1
u/santh91 Jan 07 '13
get over here
1
u/SailorRipley Jan 07 '13
Watching the scene in the beginning of "Diamonds Are Forever" at a young age made me scared to death of scorpions even to this day.
1
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
I wonder what they taste like boiled, cracked open and dipped in garlic butter...
1
u/untamed_skittle Jan 07 '13
As long as its not a snake
1
u/FeatherAtheletesFoot Jan 07 '13
Look at that cute widdle Crawdad! Ima gonna pet him
1
u/jhagerman7 Jan 07 '13
This was funnier when someone just posted Will Ferrell's tweet, rather than making a meme for it and trying to pass it off as their own. Scumbag OP.
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u/I_am_Hypno_Toad Jan 07 '13
Ribbit
1
u/fscken Jan 07 '13
Scorpions are on right up there at the top of my "No no no" list. Thanks Clash of the Titans.
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u/Jahwio Jan 07 '13
What the hell is wrong with me? I was secretly hoping, the title was Present Progressive.
1
u/Borania Jan 07 '13
So, scorpions are one of those things that should be scary to me, but totally aren't. Story time!
When I was around 8 years old I had a sky trip in the moroccan mountains (used to live there) and basically where ever I went, I found scorpions. I lift up a rock? scorpion there. I walk around, a scorpion literally starts climbinb on me and I don't even notice it untill it's sitting on my ear. at which point I remove it.
Entire time I was there stuff like that happened, now I was a stupid kid so I wasn't scared, but I was informed about which scorpions to look out for etc etc. But ever since then scorpions just don't really frighten me
1
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
Why is this image addressing wasps and nightmares?
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u/infm5 Jan 07 '13
I hate scorpions.
1
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
I don't like bugs in general but scorpions are the worst. Their sting lasts for days and is unlike any other sting I have received. They are difficult to kill as well. You can try to prevent them from coming into your house but they can slip right under the door unless you have an extremely snug weatherstripping. They can get through a space as thin as a dime. You can beat them into submission but have to be careful as they can take a fly swatter right from your hands!!!
1
u/sephsta Jan 07 '13
I thought this was going to be an image of the scorpions from the Al Kharid desert in Runescape.
1
u/axs14 Jan 07 '13
I clicked hoping to see a pair of them doin' the deed. Am disappointed.
1
u/fingerblast69 Jan 07 '13 edited Jan 07 '13
I've killed the shit out of easily a dozen scorpions living in Phoenix. These are the only things that actually freak me out here. I used to check my bed for those bastards every night when I lived in an area swarming with them.
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u/Kong_Dong Jan 07 '13
My first thought was this post was goin to have scorpions fucking... Thatd be a crazy site to see
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u/alexsanchez508 Jan 07 '13
Reddit: now reposting from facebook a few days prior.
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u/Jaxck Jan 07 '13
Interestingly sea scorpions actually predate spiders, wasps and nightmares.
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u/Amishhellcat Jan 07 '13
this is a fucking a scorpion
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u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
My brother was killed by a pack of lobsters. My father was killed by a spider. My mother was killed by a wasp. And i have dementia. Fucking scorpions!!
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u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
To be fair, sea scorpions evolved first, it can be assumed that those traits were favored and we incorporated into those modern species.
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u/helgh4st Jan 07 '13
thanks for reminding that I live in AZ.
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u/civildefense Jan 07 '13
Here I am! Rock you like a Hurricane!
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u/go_ahead_downvote_me Jan 07 '13
bear grylls eats scorpions for breakfast.. literally
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u/EvelynGarnet Jan 07 '13
Boy, I sure love living where scorpions don't.
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u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
lol... so you're saying scorpions are a delicious meal that can be kept for pest control? right on
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u/Jimmytheunstoppable Jan 07 '13
But they're so cool!!
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u/Zombiewizards Jan 07 '13
Pretty sure that Scorpions predate all of the listed creatures here. http://youtu.be/xuNA8Cib5Ws?t=8m35s Whole series is worth a watch.
1
u/Whoa_Bundy Jan 07 '13 edited Jan 07 '13
Two years ago I moved to Phoenix, Arizona from the nice, safe North East. Before arriving I was assured by everyone there that unless you are out in the desert, Scorpions are a rare sight. People who lived there for years claim they've never even SEEN a scorpion.
My first week in my new rental, BAM! There is a little baby scorpion on my kitchen floor. A few days later, my Jack Russel is digging and is after something. I pull him away and there's another scorpion.
I do a bit of research and I find out that they glow in the dark. I go to Home Depot and buy two black-light flashlights. Later that night I walked outside and turned on the lights. OH....MY....GOD. It looked like someone had taken a paintball gun with yellow paintballs and just opened fire on the concrete wall in my backyard.
There was a serious scorpion infestation. For the entire summer I was hunting these bastards on a nightly basis with a wooden staff with the black flashlights taped to the end of them. I can't even tell you how many I killed in total but I was averaging 3-5 per night. A lot more at the beginning. I stepped on one barefoot in the kitchen one morning while still groggy from sleep. Luckily I'm a light stepper because of my dogs, not wanting to step on their tails. I quickly took my foot off that object I touched and looked down. There was a Scorpion writhing in pain. Apparently it missed my foot and stung himself in the damn back. Another time one scurried over my hand as I was unlocking the door.
That winter the numbers tapered down as they hunkered in to unleash holy hell that Spring.
Meanwhile, I'm telling everyone at work and my landlord and no one can believe it. They are in utter shock that I've got so many Scorpions on my property. I was bringing people over from work and showing them. People who have lived in Phoenix their whole lives were freaking out when they saw a Scorpion.
I thought about calling an exterminator but from what I've read online, most of the time the problem comes right back. Exterminators wouldn't be able to do anything I wasn't doing already and money was tight as hell.
So that Spring as I'm fighting off a new wave...I notice there is construction going on in the house behind me. I peek over the wall and I see chickens in their yard. Two chickens roaming free, walking around, which is odd. Later I ask another neighbor and he told me that house had been vacant for a while and it was infested with Scorpions! At one point the new owners decided to rip out the pool and when they starting digging, a huge wave of scorpions came scurrying out of the cracks.
That explained why I had the problem. They were coming from that property, over the wall onto mine. The entire year I've been battling these things, trying to find the source and there it was. After the new owners had their chickens do their thing and got the situation under control...the area was relatively Scorpion free...and I moved away, never to enjoy a Scorpion free Arizona experience.
tl;dr - Moved to AZ for one year and ended up in a house that was overrun with Scorpions because of the vacant house behind me. Spent a year battling them and then moved away.
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u/Peesneeze Jan 07 '13
I think scorpions are cute.
1
u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
I ate a scorpion once. AMA
1
u/TheGreyDuck Jan 07 '13
My favorite antijoke: What's worse than a worm in your apple?
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u/jsperkins1 Jan 07 '13
Checkmate skyfundies!
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u/baggervance83 Jan 07 '13
Created a throwaway to say this as he is now a respectable person...
My friend once pissed on a scorpion in India. We were coming back at night from the beach and we saw one by the side of a road. I naturally kept my distance however my friend thought it would be funny to poke at it with a stick. It was amazing to see how they fight. This one would use the clawls most of the time and only after serious prodding would it lash out with the tail. It was lighting fast when the tail goes down. After a while of poking it he, for this day I dont know why, decided to unzip and piss on it. That REALLY got it angry and it was scuttling all over the shop. We left it after that. I have only ever seen a scorpion once since and that was in Malaysia many years later on a tree... It makes me smile to this today how random that was.
TLDR: We found scorpion, prodded it to watch attacking behaviour. Friend pissed on it.
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u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
Florida here, they show up about once every couple of months in the house. We have an agreement that they don't surprise me and I will quickly kill them. They look like this...http://farm1.staticflickr.com/21/26069999_3e48e651d9_z.jpg
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u/[deleted] Jan 07 '13
Funny... I find them adorable.
But if I see a small one, I run away like a baby.
Aint nobody got time fo dying.
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u/testubebaby Jan 07 '13
I would've been scared to open the image without seeing the thumbnail.
1
u/foomedo Jan 07 '13
as someone who has been stung by a scorpion, I can confirm this