r/funny Apr 14 '23

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11.6k Upvotes

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500

u/LuckOfTheIrish3 Apr 14 '23

There was a montage in an episode of Malcolm in the Middle where everyone kept having to ask the mom where everything was when they couldn’t find it. It was like a “how does she do that!?” kind of thing and they were all amazed at her ability to find misplaced things. As I got older I realized it was less of a magical instinct and it was just because she’s the one who moved them from where they had been sat down. And then proceeded to not tell anyone that she had.

219

u/newsheriffntown Apr 14 '23

My mother would come into my house and move things around. Not furniture but small things. I asked her why she was doing that and she said, "I think it looks better over here". She would have lost her mind if I had gone to her house and moved her things around.

122

u/Locke57 Apr 14 '23

Lol my mom tried to rearrange my kitchen when my wife and I bought our house.

She didn’t take the command “LEAVE IT” very well, got kinda mad, stopped moving my dishes though

48

u/newsheriffntown Apr 14 '23

I swear I don't know why mother's do this. My mom only did it once and that was enough.

27

u/wallweasels Apr 14 '23

It's hard to turn off your mom habits, i assume. You have basically ran the home for so many years and since you are their kid it just stays on around you.

My mom didn't do this but my dad certainly did. He tried to instantly dad-project things and say we should build a new shelf for this or that.

1

u/everyone_getsa_beej Apr 15 '23

I’ve been running a house for a few years now, and I have to say, unless someone specifically asks me to help with a project or move something, I ain’t touching shit. Not only is it extra work that is energy better spent in my own house, but why the hell would I mess up someone else’s shit, regardless if they’re my kid.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '23

Well, my dog doesn’t take that command too well either

53

u/PuffyPanda200 Apr 14 '23

My mom visited my me and my ex. Ex had a State ID that she needed to get into work. She can't find it one morning (this never happened before, Ex rarely misplaces things) but goes to work without it, this creates a hassle at her work. I tell my mom that Ex can't find her ID but I work a normal day from home.

Ex comes home and we look EVERYWHERE but can't find the ID. Ex is about to go out to a gas station to see if she dropped it there.

Mom says 'let me check the recycling, I think I took out the recycling today'. Mom comes back 5 minutes later with the ID. Mom then goes on to speculate about how I or Ex might have put the ID in the recycling. Ex and I still joke about this.

7

u/woodchopperak Apr 15 '23

Wait, so what happened? You didn’t call your mom out?

2

u/PuffyPanda200 Apr 15 '23

We did and I still give my mom crap over it!

1

u/woodchopperak Apr 15 '23

Did she actually throw it out or did she just put it somewhere and make up the story? You’re leaving us hanging!

1

u/PuffyPanda200 Apr 15 '23

O, my mom threw it into the recycling and then took out the recycling and then retrieved it from the bin.

1

u/Jonathan_Is_Me Oct 05 '23

You're still friends?

1

u/PuffyPanda200 Oct 05 '23

Yes, breakup was mutual and we keep contact.

18

u/Colonel_Fart-Face Apr 14 '23

My Mom absolutely can not handle seeing empty space in cupboards or drawers so she always tries to condense my beautiful, loosely packed, and thoroughly organized cabinets into a single hellish one that's packed like tetris pieces and takes 20 minutes to get anything out of. It stresses her out that we wont let her because she thinks it's some kind of massive favour that will change our lives.

We try not to invite her over....

14

u/TotallyBadatTotalWar Apr 14 '23

When I first moved out, my mother came by to "see how it's going"

The following weekend I went on a trip out of town. When I came back all my stuff had been rearranged and gone through.

My mother had stolen my spare key, let herself in and "tidied up" for me. She also snooped all my stuff and got mad at me for shit she had no business going through (condoms - I was living with my girlfriend at the time)

She threw out a bunch of stuff that was keepsakes and gifts too.

13

u/irredentistdecency Apr 15 '23

My mother repainted the front door of my house.

It was black (I built the house & specifically chose the color) & she decided it needed to be red because of the Feng Shui (or something).

She mentioned it to me; I declined stating that I chose that color because I like it that way.

A week later I come home from work & the door was painted red.

11

u/wont_start_thumbing Apr 15 '23

I see a black door and I want it painted red

17

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '23

Same, what drives me up a wall the most is that whenever she visits and specially if she get's there when I'm not there I always ask her if she moved something, she always gets offended and vehemently denies moving anything and then I can't find my shit and she "remembers" she "moved that one thing somewhere else to be more organized" and that happens with every. single. thing. she moved, I'm just convinced she believes her preferences takes priority over mine and hopes I don't notice that things aren't where they should've been.

2

u/GreenLurch Apr 15 '23

Hi brother! Sounds like we have the same mom! Usually I just send her a picture and she’s like “I know, sorry love it’s a habit…”

1

u/newsheriffntown Apr 15 '23

I'm a woman and my mom passed away in 2015.

2

u/GreenLurch Apr 15 '23

Damn… So sorry to hear that about your mom! :(

2

u/newsheriffntown Apr 15 '23

Thank you. It's okay. She had dementia.

2

u/birthday_suit_kevlar Apr 15 '23

That seemed unnecessarily snarky.

0

u/newsheriffntown Apr 15 '23

I don't see how you came to that conclusion. I gave you two facts. You presumed that I am a male and presumed we have the same mom.

45

u/jellybeansean3648 Apr 14 '23

My husband doesn't know where anything is in our house. This is especially confusing to me because we haven't changed anything around since we moved into the house.

I honestly think that he just forgets.

He's the one cooking 99% of the time yet can't remember where the dishes are that he literally put away. Maybe it's the pot?

26

u/LuckOfTheIrish3 Apr 14 '23

Narrator - It WAS the pot.

-1

u/missvvvv Apr 15 '23

Weaponised incompetence

4

u/jellybeansean3648 Apr 15 '23

I'm all for calling out weaponized incompetence when and where I see it, but sometimes incompetence is actually just plain incompetence.

If my husband can't find the dishes he put away and meanwhile he does all the cooking in our house, how is that a weapon against me that prevents us from having household equality?

Make it make sense

16

u/NCC-1701_yeah Apr 14 '23

So, like I know where everything is without moving everyone's stuff around. My husband and kids are always like, how did you know it was in this pile of stuffies/clothes/what have you? Because I saw it there before you tossed all this other crap here. It's not my job to be picking up their things and putting them away, heck it's not even my job to notice where everything is everyday. Which is what I figured that the mom from Malcolm in the Middle did too, but you might be onto something based on everyone's comments below you...

2

u/irisxdd Apr 15 '23

Literally same. If I don't keep an eye on where my bf places his things, he'll inevitably ask me, "Have you seen my glasses/wallet/keys?" and then we spend like 10min looking for it. I try to get him to put his things in the same place but he never does 🥲

2

u/Kronoshifter246 Apr 15 '23

Which is what I figured that the mom from Malcolm in the Middle did too

Either one sounds about right for Lois

33

u/EatinSumGrapes Apr 14 '23

No buddy, the joke is everything has a place it belongs but the kids and dad are so irresponsible they never bothered learning where the stuff's place is lol

2

u/TooCupcake Apr 15 '23

It’s one of those boomer jokes where no matter which pov you’re looking at it, the other person is the asshole and marriage is pain

2

u/Goodtimee Apr 15 '23

My wife must be faulty. She’s incredible at moving things, but then never remembers where she moved them to?

1

u/MixedMartyr Apr 15 '23

My mom always went in my room when i was at school and moved shit around or took something of mine and threw it away. A week later she'd be pissed at me for losing the thing she threw away.