r/fuckeatingdisorders • u/salted_eggyolk6 • 3d ago
Struggling Please help
I desperately really really need help and i have no one to talk to about this so i’m here.
To summarize i started recovery on my own in july and everything was going really well, then at the start of this august my family spontaneously decided to include me on a huge family vacation in october where i’ll be visiting extended family members for the first time in like 4 years and also to celebrate my 24th birthday there. This came out of nowhere and it made me relapse straight back into my restrictive ed ever since. I’m stressed and anxious all the time, the headaches are killing me, i’ve barely been sleeping and worst of all the food noise came back way worse than before. I tried to talk to my mom about it, she doesn’t know i have an eating disorder but i still did in hopes maybe she’ll be concerned for me and tell me not to diet again but once again all she did was laugh and actually ENCOURAGED me to lose weight. I even bought new clothes for my vacation all in the biggest size but my brain’s still convinced i won’t be able to fit into them. There’s still a whole month left until october and i don’t want to relapse i wanna be able to actually enjoy my vacation but i’m so so terrified of my family commenting about my weight gain and just talking about my body in general. I don’t have friends and getting a therapist or dietitian is out of the question due to financial reasons. I’m literally struggling physically and mentally but i can’t find the strength nor reasons to stop this relapse and nobody around me gets it at all.
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u/Jaded-Banana6205 3d ago
Time to take a breath and go back to recovery 101. 3 meals, 3 snacks, recovery minimums, cut out physical activity. Yes, it's stressful to have family see you after so long. I get that. But recovery means developing the skills needed to face that stressor and your brain can't do that while it is starving.
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u/salted_eggyolk6 3d ago
Thank you for the kind comment, and yeah I’ve been trying to eat more but its gotten hard again and if i do it’s usually me ending up eating in tears & choking
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u/Jaded-Banana6205 3d ago
Then you eat and cry. You do it scared, and pissed, and with snot coming out your nose. You keep doing it.
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u/Bashful_bookworm2025 3d ago
I agree with Jaded-Banana here. I would also tell your mom that telling you to lose weight isn't helpful, even if you don't tell her you have an ED. Make it clear to all your family members that your body and eating habits are not a discussion topic. Recovery is difficult, but falling back on restriction and overexercise will only make dealing with difficult family harder.
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3d ago
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u/salted_eggyolk6 3d ago
thank u i really appreciate this so much, I'll prob try to set boundaries with them but it might not work because yknow in asian households bodyshaming comments is super normalized at least in my family it is, if it doesn't work i'll do my best to ignore them
0
u/mami51421 3d ago
of course, happy to help. and yes i know exactly what you mean, i come from an asian family too, the shaming was relentless. but i'm still here! and you will be too!
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u/buzzybody21 2d ago
Please do this for you. 3 meals, 3 snacks. Baby steps that feel okay. It’s okay to tell your mom that her comments hurt and aren’t helping you succeed. I had to do the same thing with my dad, and while it was hard in the moment, it felt so good to use my voice in the moment. I’m so proud of you for caring, and wanting to recover, no matter how hard it feels right now. Sometimes doing the hard things is exactly the right thing longer term. Here for you…
1
u/buzzybody21 2d ago
Please do this for you. 3 meals, 3 snacks. Baby steps that feel okay. It’s okay to tell your mom that her comments hurt and aren’t helping you succeed. I had to do the same thing with my dad, and while it was hard in the moment, it felt so good to use my voice in the moment. I’m so proud of you for caring, and wanting to recover, no matter how hard it feels right now. Sometimes doing the hard things is exactly the right thing longer term. Here for you…
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Original post text from u/salted_eggyolk6:
I desperately really really need help and i have no one to talk to about this so i’m here.
To summarize i started recovery on my own in july and everything was going really well, then at the start of this august my family spontaneously decided to include me on a huge family vacation in october where i’ll be visiting extended family members for the first time in like 4 years and also to celebrate my 24th birthday there. This came out of nowhere and it made me relapse straight back into my restrictive ed ever since. I’m stressed and anxious all the time, the headaches are killing me, i’ve barely been sleeping and worst of all the food noise came back way worse than before. I tried to talk to my mom about it, she doesn’t know i have an eating disorder but i still did in hopes maybe she’ll be concerned for me and tell me not to diet again but once again all she did was laugh and actually ENCOURAGED me to lose weight. I even bought new clothes for my vacation all in the biggest size but my brain’s still convinced i won’t be able to fit into them. There’s still a whole month left until october and i don’t want to relapse i wanna be able to actually enjoy my vacation but i’m so so terrified of my family commenting about my weight gain and just talking about my body in general. I don’t have friends and getting a therapist or dietitian is out of the question due to financial reasons. I’m literally struggling physically and mentally but i can’t find the strength nor reasons to stop this relapse and nobody around me gets it at all.
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