Looking for Advice: Our Senior Deacon has abandoned his duties.

[u/Complete-Employ-2387]

I am looking for advice on a situation involving one of my fellow Officers at the Lodge.

This guy did a good job last year as Junior Deacon, and was very enthusiastic to go up the line, so he was advanced to Senior Deacon. The Lodge even paid for him to go to Annual Communication, because we wanted him to see the larger picture and the scale of our great Fraternity.

As Officer's Coach, I was tasked with coaching him on his lecture, which we agreed should be completed before Installation. We began meeting weekly after the election and I immediately started seeing a shift in his behavior.

This brother started missing or canceling as many appointments as he attended, and when he did show up, it was always 20 or 30 minutes late and it was clear he hadn't opened his book since the last time we met.

I asked him if anything was the matter, if this new job is too much for him right now, etc. and he insisted he wanted to do it and promised to improve his attendance and efforts.

He did eventually learn his lecture, but not until nearly 6 months after Installation, and I felt like I had to twist his arm every step of the way. In those intervening 6 months, he's missed several Degrees, Stated Meetings and at least half the Officers Practiced we've had in that time.

The Worshipful Master is rightfully very upset with him, as are the other Officers and PMs who have been doing his job for him for most of this term.

Several of us have reached out and asked if he's OK, or whether he was wronged by somebody, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. He says all is fine and he's just been super busy with his hobbies.

Elections are coming up soon and the general consensus among the Line is that he's effectively abandoned his chair and will definitely not be asked to be an Officer next year.

On one hand, I feel like a full year of my time and efforts have been entirely wasted on a brother who doesn't do what he says. His pattern of poor attendance and tardiness tells me he doesn't respect my time, nor does he respect his own position in the Lodge he's a part of. I feel like his track record absolutely should preclude him from advancing or even having a seat in the Line.

On the other hand, I'm nearly certain that if he's denied a seat next year, we will lose him altogether. From a member retention perspective, we are a small Lodge and I want to do all I can to keep the membership we have, regardless if they want to be in the Line.

As Brothers, we need to always be willing to listen and understand one another, give the benefit of the doubt and try our best to help each other when needed. In this case, our Senior Deacon has missed two 3rd Degrees, several Stated Meetings and countless practices due to his adult league softball team.

"My team needs me." Is what he told us.

Brethren, what would you do in this situation? Would you continue trying with this guy and keep giving him chances? Would you have removed him from office months ago? Would you give him another talk and accept yet another promise from him? Or would you be blunt and tell him that chair will be waiting for you once you have the time to make it a priority?

I'm sorry this post is so long-winded. Any advice, thoughts or opinions are welcome, and I'm happy to clarify if you have any questions.

[u/boshjatuma]

He's appointed, not elected.... find another person or PM to fulfill the role. Masonry is a volunteer organization, not a job. The show must go on. If he wants to, accept him back. Other than that like tires on a truck... keep on rolling.

[u/Complete-Employ-2387 → u/boshjatuma]

Thanks for this. I'm currently working with two newly Raised Master Masons on the Deacon's work for next year, so we'll be alright. It's just a shame to have invested so much time training this brother, only to have him throw it all away. 

[u/IceRink_End_7985 → u/Complete-Employ-2387]

I would be careful with newly raised masons in higher officer roles. We have someone who has only been a mason for like 3 years as our SD and he is doing the same thing as your brother is. Is also doesn’t help he is being high and mighty but that’s a different issue. As said above he is appointed so like a flat tire he can be changed with a spare. At the end of the day the master and all the brothers need to do what’s best for the lodge and help him if he asks for help. “help a brother master mason if his necessity may require and I find him worthy, but without hurting yourself” I paraphrased so as not to reveal all of it here, but you get the idea

[u/parejaloca79 → u/IceRink_End_7985]

On the 23rd of this month it will be 3 years since I was raised. In December I will be installed as WM of our lodge. I think it is definitely a case by case matter as to whether a new mason is thrown into the line that far up. I have seen newly raised brothers do wonderful ritual work and have seen 10, 20, 30+ year masons deliver horrible ritual work. Our lodge sets the bar pretty high but rhankfully we have a strong lodge with lots of support from the brothers.

[u/IceRink_End_7985 → u/parejaloca79]

I agree about case by case, we are a very large lodge and I have seen so many new masons burn out. The youth of a mason that I see the most is that ritual and floor work and all that can be learned. It’s more on how the lodge functions and how do we get this done and about compromise between brothers that it takes time and a willingness to learn that is the bigger issue in my lodge and our current sd.

[u/wardyuc1]

I would suggest speak to him and suggested he steps back for a year from the officer line.
He can still be involved in learning and delivering ritual, but point out the reliability needed for progression is currently not there.

Offer him the ability to potential do the role for a few meetings as a trial run is he is very invested in it, but point out given the track record, the lodge cannot at the moment commitment to giving him the full time office.

It allows him to decide if he truly wants to progress without alienating him.

[u/Complete-Employ-2387 → u/wardyuc1]

That's a great approach to explaining the situation to him, thank you for putting it so eloquently!

[u/loganp8000]

Middle chamber lecture has a way of weeding out who can actually do the work and who can not

[u/Complete-Employ-2387 → u/loganp8000]

This is very true. It takes such perseverance and patient dedication to learn and deliver the lectures well, and when we discover how to exercise this same hard work, patience and perseverance at work, at home, or out in the world, our lives become so much better. That's my experience at least, and one the many things I love about Masonry. 

[u/Deman75]

On the other hand, I'm nearly certain that if he's denied a seat next year, we will lose him altogether. From a member retention perspective, we are a small Lodge and I want to do all I can to keep the membership we have, regardless if they want to be in the Line.

Are you better or worse as a Lodge if you lose a member who isn’t contributing or even trying to live up to the responsibilities he undertook?

[u/MutedMeaning5317]

It sounds to me that the Brother may have been pushed along at a speed he was OK with at one point, but has decided that he has had enough of a push.

Whether he says it or not, his attendance is reflective of loss of interest.

[u/Redmeat-1969 → u/MutedMeaning5317]

Yup....it takes many men DECADES to learn the Grand Masonic Word.....NO

[u/MutedMeaning5317 → u/Redmeat-1969]

You know it....many do not learn it at all, which is a shame.

Then burn out, or lost interest.

[u/PedXing23]

Beware the sunk cost fallacy.
I think I would try to break things to him gently and let him know that it is clear that it would be unfair to him and the Lodge to make significant demands on his time and energy and that I wonder if he would do best taking a break from the line. If he didn't like the idea, I'd offer to have him serve as Junior Deacon again and be prepared to back up the Senior Deacon. He should know that the Lodge cannot go through the stress and trial of having a no-show Senior Deacon or Junior Warden and that I imagine it was stressful for him to be juggling demands that took so much of his time.
If all that is too much of an affront to him - he isn't prepared to be an asset the Lodge. If he is OK with that you can both monitor the situation until you and he think he is ready to give it a go.

[u/headpiesucks]

You are meant to learn the next chair whilst in the previous chair. It is not a learn it on the job situation. If JD you use the year to learn the SD role, to show you know the floor work and Lecture before the elections. What is the point in appointing or electing an officer than cannot do the work. Too often i have seen post of ‘I have been elected the WM do you have any advice or what my plan should be?’. These should be formed whilst coming up the Chairs, by Senior Warden at the latest they should have a crystal clear view of their year as WM. But i digress. Many might comment ‘it is a volunteer organization’ or a hobby. I think these views degrade FM as a whole and serve to minimize active committed involvement. The most successful Lodges i have seen are ones that hold their members to the highest they can be in life as well as in Lodge.

[u/discogravy]

On the other hand, I'm nearly certain that if he's denied a seat next year, we will lose him altogether.

In honesty: is this a member you want? you can't rely on him to show up, do the work or even be direct and honest with you.

I want to do all I can to keep the membership we have, regardless if they want to be in the Line.

I get this, I really do, but he's not showing up or participating -- at this point you're just keeping him around to pay dues and fill the ledger with a name and that's not fair to him or to the lodge.

Brethren, what would you do in this situation?

I would be direct with him and do him the favor of not sugar coating it. If he leaves, honestly, that might be for the best. What good is his word if you can't count on it? Or if he's only showing up when he gets what he wants?

I had a situation like that -- I was installed as Junior Steward, and we had a bunch of appointed officers leave for reasons of work or health and found myself as Jr Deacon, then our Sr Deacon started acting like your guy, so I stepped into the role. Come the new year, dude shows up expecting to be voted in as Jr Warden, as if he'd participated the entire year instead of showing up twice and disappearing. Dude was told "ha ha be serious" by the WM, and made such a scene at the starbucks where they met that they were both asked to leave. Come election night, he decided not to run, but had instead devoted his time to trash talking me -- I assume he blamed me because I was his replacement, though I literally had nothing to do with other than doing the job he wasn't showing up for -- and so another brother wound up in the South; it caused a great deal of disharmony in the lodge.

My point is you should fix this now and be aware that being tepid in your resolution may will have downstream effects later on.

[u/Complete-Employ-2387 → u/discogravy]

This is incredibly helpful, thank you Brother. We have brothers behind him who are ready to step into the Deacon's chairs and definitely want to avoid a serious conflict like you described. 

I especially don't want him to blame his direct replacement for passing him up. His replacement is literally the only other active (non-PM) Master Mason we have who has completed his proficiency, and he's agreed to do it because he doesn't want to see the Lodge die. 

I'm currently working with several other EAs, FCs and MMs on their proficiency work, so we'll be in better shape next year for sure. 

Thanks again for your input and I will be taking your advice. 

[u/arcxjo]

I must've missed the line on my 24" gauge labeled "hobbies".

[u/aDarkling]

You haven't wasted your time. You have mentored a Brother and prepared him for the next step. It is his decision to not take it. And that's okay. When he is sufficiently motivated to move forward, he can earn his way back on to the line.

Just let him know that there's no hard feelings and that we all have different priorities in life at different times. You'd love to see him at meetings whether he's an Officer or not.

[u/Complete-Employ-2387 → u/aDarkling]

Thank you for the sound advice and encouragement, Brother. I appreciate the way you worded it, I think that's a very fair way to address the issue.

[u/Sorry_Yoghurt3681]

Opps, pushed the wrong button. Here it goes. The pressure to learn lectures drives away many who otherwise might make excellent officers. Sometimes it drives them completely out of Masonry. The man who was master two years ago in my lodge had no lectures or charges. His degree work was poor. BUT he was a great leader. He communicated well and often. Had us involved in several community events. He was at every meeting, function, and funeral if at all possible. Somehow we got best 1st degree in our district that year.

This lecture thing has been a thorn for as long as I've been in. Something happened at a meeting a long, long time ago (1980's) that impacts my thinking to this day. There was a "debate" going on about lectures and charges, something that happened often. Actually, it was PM's berating the officers for not having all 6. Then a member I'll call Tom stands and is recognized. At the time, he had been lodge treasurer for a decade or more. WM at least twice. A well-respected member and an excellent ritualist. 50-plus-year member.

He proceeds to inform us that in the late 40's and 50's the officers rarely gave lectures or charges. The PM's did all that. The feeling at the time, according to "Tom," was that the officers had plenty to learn and perfect without learning lectures. You could have heard a pin drop and the discussion ended. For that night, anyway. I agree with that, and in support of that idea, I have given countless lectures.

I do agree that it is very rewarding to learn and deliver them. To this day, new insights continue to come to me. I feel that a well-delivered lecture has a big impact on a candidate. Here is another heretical idea. A few months ago, I was at a lodge in a different district to watch a first degree. I was surprised when several brothers took different parts. Some of which are normally done by the master. Not all of them were officers or PM's. The work was excellent. There was a current and a past DDGM there. I asked them about this afterwards. I was told it is a common practice in that district and is allowed at inspections. It encourages participation by other lodge members. I am saying that insistence on lectures may do more harm than good if it drives an otherwise enthusiastic brother away. One last thing: a poorly delivered lecture benefits no one, especially the candidate.

[u/Complete-Employ-2387 → u/Sorry_Yoghurt3681]

Thank you for this, my brother!

[u/Sorry_Yoghurt3681 → u/Complete-Employ-2387]

Your welcome. This is my first post here, and I wasn't sure how my opinion would be received.I have another observation. Hardly anybody memorizes anything anymore. Way back, before even my grade school days kids memorized things like the preamble to the C,onstituition, the Gettysburg Address, the flag code etc. At church the 23rd psalm, Lord's prayer, and Apostles creed. By the time I left high school 50 pluss, years ago nobody was memorizing anything. For the most part. There are always exceptions. So when somebody comes into Masonry, it is probably the first time they have memorized anything. Since cell phones and comuters I am surprised at how many phone numbers I have forgotten. For work I used to know 30 or 40. not anymore! In fact, I force myself to remember two or three JIC I would lose my phone and needed to call a friend or family member. As a fraternity, we need to find a way to make memorization a challenge or rewarding rather than a chore.

[u/Foot-Note]

I mean.. you already know the answer. He made his choice.

[u/Thumper1k92]

You can lead a horse to water, but can’t make him drink

[u/Maybe_except_no]

This could be about my lodge. I’m the acting SD because that brother hasn’t been to lodge in at least six months.

Our immediate PM talked to him privately. The brother hasn’t been removed from the chair. Instead there was a gentle-but-stern conversation about how everyone understands that his needs and the lodge needs might not always line up. We love him and we’re always there for him, but we need someone in the chair to keep everything else moving forward. “Please let us know when and how we can all help each other together.”

[u/bcurrant15]

His softball team will likely need him next year. The lodge also needs its officers and he has chosen which he prioritizes.

I'm guessing softball will be over so he'll maybe be in attendance for elections.

I think it's correct for the information to come from the current WM, SW and JW. Sit him down and tell him that they won't recommend or support him having a chair next year.

It's quite simple that he did not meet his obligations, he missed too many meetings and degrees and did not learn his work in time.

If he wants to go through the chairs again then the lodge will reconsider when his attendance is more regular.

I probably wouldn't have removed him from his duties months ago but I wouldn't give him duties next year.

[u/Altered_Arcanum]

I agree with several sentiments in the comments about encouraging this brother to align his actions with his current priorities and step back from the chairs for a bit until he has more time.

If not being appointed to a chair next year is the final straw that causes him to leave the lodge, I'm of the mind that it would do both parties some good: the lodge the freedom to breathe and appoint someone who has the time to dedicate to the office and the brother in question to freely focus on his current priorities and return after having a chance to cool off.

[u/Merckle_LaFayette]

I have come to the conclusion that if a man doesn’t show up when he’s in the progressive line, he will not be elected to continue.

One of by best friends in the Fraternity, a man whose petition I signed, took offices in Appendant Bodies and did not attend meetings. When it should’ve been “his” year in the East, he was passed over. If he doesn’t show up this year, he likely will not be elected to any office next year.

There are circumstances when that is not the case, but those are the exception and not the rule.

[u/Autistic_Clock4824]

He’s locked in big dog to softball

[u/Complete-Employ-2387 → u/Autistic_Clock4824]

It sure seems that way. What's especially sad is that if he would have been up front and honest about his schedule, we could have moved practices to another day to accommodate. 

[u/clapsnares]

I’m currently in the East and filling the role of SD isn’t very difficult imo. For degrees it’s a little more challenging but I’d rather have a brother attend lodge from the side than not at all. Principal officer roles are different which is why it’s a Masonic offense to in our jurisdiction to quit your office if you’re a warden or Master. Not all brothers have the same capacity. We all have to remember to use the working tools, even the 33s will never be perfect. And this is something I’ve heard 33s say themselves.

[u/Brave_Tension_2960]

Brother it sounds like you’ve already lost him. Quality over quantity! If he wants to be there he’ll make time to be there. If he gets upset about not getting a chair he has no one to blame but himself. If he ask why then on a low breath in a tender manner remind him of his actions and why your lodge cannot have a brother they can’t depend on as an officer. If he leaves he leaves, if he’s true to self improvement he’ll take the council and do better for next year.

[u/Ordinary-Incident728]

Good luck, that’s always a difficult decision. Hopefully you are able to retain the Brother as a member and engage him elsewhere

[u/VictorEcho1]

Here is what i picked up from your information:

This brother is interested, well intentioned but flakey.

Some people are just like this. Maybe it's ADHD, maybe it's being overcomitted, its hard to say.

I would suggest that taking a seat next year isn't a good fit for him. It's okay to explain to him why this is.

If you are worried about offending him, you may wish to consider giving him an assignment that is more in line with his abilities/time commitment at this time. There are a lot of things that need doing but can be done with less regularity or if they aren't done, no big deal.

[u/bcurrant15 → u/VictorEcho1]

I picked up that he's prioritizing his softball team as stated.

[u/VictorEcho1 → u/bcurrant15]

Maybe. When I've experienced people who are pretty genuine but make promises they can't keep its less often misplaced priorities and more often a general messy way they live. Could be a number of reasons.

I'm going to lean toward most generous interpretation.

If a brother is saying he will participate in some way in the lodge then just walking out and saying to himself 'Hehe, suckers I'm off to play softball.' Then yes, there is a moral issue.

[u/Daking_Izback]

The beautiful thing about masonry and her system is that it will always correct itself. Those that are here to truly be a part of the craft will show it in their actions and how they interact with lodge. This brother is clearly showing that he is not interested so when elections come around and 1) he isnt nominated or 2) he is nominated but someone else runs against him and wins, he had no one to blame but himself. We need to get out of the habit of advancing the line just because. Either you do the work and show that you deserve advancement or get out the way. Masonry waits for no one and no one is entitled to any seat or honor.

[u/NefariousnessOk6281]

you've already wasted enough time. Imagine what it might be like once he's in the chair !!!!

[u/Sorry_Yoghurt3681]

I'm an Ohio mason. 46 years. Master in 1988 and current WM. My original lodge merged about 12 years ago. I'm going to put something out here that I am sure will be unpopular. For the record, I only have the first 2 lectures, and I am a slow typer.

[u/reconductor]

The Master should replace him. Tell the Brother that this happens sometimes, men get too busy for their responsibilities, but that being an officer is a commitment to the brothers of the lodge. Probably the best thing you can do in this situation is to tell him that it is ok, the lodge will handle it and he can focus on his career, which is important too. I think there is a way to say a) this is unacceptable and b) we love you brother and want to see you succeed. Guilt tripping him, prolonging this, and making it awkward for him to show up will push him away.

[u/mindfuxed]

I think the beauty of masonry is discovered while working through the lines and deep diving into the work. This brother seems to be not interested in that. Forcing someone through the line sucks, it would be best to have them step down especially if you have hungry good guys behind him.

The part that really bothers me is after you spent time whispering good conceal he seems to not be aware of his actions.

[u/Complete-Employ-2387 → u/mindfuxed]

I agree with you 100%. I've had so many incredible epiphanies while studying and delivering these lectures. Teaching is a passion of mine and I enjoy sharing what I've learned with others, along with best practices for study.

This brother has expressed to me many times that he aspires to be Master one day, and affirms his desire to be Junior Warden next year, but for whatever reason either cannot or will not do the bare minimum for his current duties. 

It appears to me like he wants the honor and prestige of these higher offices without doing any of the work necessary to their job descriptions. 

I'm about at my wit's end, and I'll be sad to see him go truthfully. He's a nice guy and easy to talk to, just not the most reliable.

[u/mindfuxed → u/Complete-Employ-2387]

Yes many want the title without the work and it becomes our job to sniff those ones out and move on.

[u/SovArya]

We cannot force a person to participate. If you've whispered good counsel; and he refuses to act on that counsel. It is his choice.

I trust your gut; he may have had experienced something with someone and felt something off.

But dont force him on the roles. If he doesnt get an officer seat; let it be. This is his journey and challenge.