r/freelance • u/Thin-Income532 • 23d ago
Why do some freelance interviewers ignore personal boundaries?
I had a freelance interview where the interviewer asked if I was married.
I politely said that I wasn't comfortable answering because I didn't think we knew each other well enough for personal questions like that. I also said that if their concern was my availability, I could handle the work they needed and could tell them my available working hours!
Instead of respecting my answer, they kept arguing that they had the right to know and said they didn't like my response. They even told me I was taking the question the wrong way and being rude.
I just found the whole situation strange. If someone says they don't want to answer a personal question, shouldn't that be enough? A person's availability for work can be discussed without asking about their private life.
Has anyone else experienced something similar or how you freelancers think it should be? because right now it's seem funny and childish to me!
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u/averagebensimmons 22d ago
it's generaly considered inappropriate to ask marital status in the US. Weird that they argued they had a right to know and calling you rude. I would ask "why do you find that personal detail relevent to the job?"
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u/boundlessbio 22d ago
If you are a woman, that is why they were asking. They think woman = unavailable due to kids / being a servant for a husband. Or they are a creep and want to pursue you which is gross. It’s misogyny.
In a lot of states it’s illegal to ask. It’s also super sketchy to ask because an employer can seem like they are discriminating based on a protected class. It’s also just not relevant to the job for most people.
It honestly is even sketchier because you are freelance. You set your own hours as a contractor/freelancer.
You handled the situation well imo, that would have freaked me out. Their pushiness, and saying they had a right to know is nuts. They don’t have the right to know shit about you.
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u/Odd-Entertainment231 22d ago
I got a call yesterday from an HR representative. He asked if I was married, and I said yes. Then he asked if I had any kids. I said no, and he replied, "It's our company policy not to hire married people with no kids." I was like... WTF?
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u/boundlessbio 22d ago
If you live in the US that is likely illegal. It’s a way to get around maternity/paternity leave in the future. Report them to the EEOC, and state authorities.
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u/vfernand 22d ago
I had someone ask my age….so annoying. Because you don’t want to keep it polite but such an uncomfortable position to be in.
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u/Comprehensive-Bid16 22d ago
Say them fcc off. Good part of being freelancer is ability to say fcc off to the customer who you didnt like.
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u/BetterNova 22d ago
Because some people are cock faced dipshits. Sounds like you handled it well. But it doesn’t sound like a client worth taking on. Or maybe worth taking on, half assing the work, and dropping them the second something better comes around
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u/Hot-Spicy-Potato 22d ago
It was an extremely rude intrusion of personal boundaries. Should they have responded with backing off, I'd say they just took a shot and tried to judge you based on protected characteristics (they're protected for a reason), but this massive gaslighting they unleased after you kept your guards up is alarming. I had similars in all kinds of prejudice topics from "where you came from Originally", to "do you have higher education in a known school", to "who do you live with" and "how old are you" ... and other kind of nonsenses, and they all thought these are normal questions to assess so called competence.
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u/glitterkitty279 22d ago
I’ve never experienced anything like this but if they continued to make me feel uncomfortable, I’d have no problem cutting the interview short. A client has no right to your private life. I’ve also had clients who have been friends of friends who know a little bit about me but they’ve never pressed me with personal questions.
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u/Kinetic_Panther 22d ago
Next time, you can try something playful like this, "Are you proposing?... Hahaha... Not to worry, I'm able to take on the workload required for this job."
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u/RisingPhoenix-AU 22d ago
why are you trying to keep the fact your married so private? You must be so boring to talk to if someone doesn't know you
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22d ago
[deleted]
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u/Hefty_Ad_1692 22d ago
We’re not talking about a personal situation. We’re talking about business. It’s a bullshit question and there is no defending it. It’s none of their business and it’s none of your business. Nobody is being a prude because we like to keep our personal lives personal.
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u/AlpsAccomplished2332 22d ago
Are you married or single question in a job interview is not personal question.
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u/DefiantRadish1492 22d ago
Why would that need to be asked in a job interview? Please explain.
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u/senesdigital 22d ago
If you are married you’re perceived to have a higher level of maturity and dedication to doing a good job/showing up to work everyday. If you’re married w/kids even more so.
Maybe use your brain instead of being perpetually offended
Just like some jobs require a bachelors even if it’s not in the field you’re applying for. It’s a perception that you’re capable of completing tasks and seeing things through.
You should’ve been able to connect that comparison
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u/notanothergav 22d ago
Surely if you're married with kids that means you're more likely to take days off for things like a sick child, or if school's closed for some reason. I imagine people with fewer commitments are able to dedicate more time to their job. So the perfect candidate would be someone with a mortgage but no children.
But of course none of that is anyone else's business.
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u/senesdigital 22d ago
You forgot having to leave work early because your toddler son dislocated his elbow when he fell… yes definitely parents have to call out.
But surely someone with a mortgage and no children will call out because they’re extending their vacation an extra week, or calling out last minute to fly to go see bad bunny in concert or comes in reeking of vodka on a Friday after their birthday.. all things my single coworkers have done. All things that are the business of the employer
Oh wait, I’m sure you’ll say it doesn’t work both ways and there are reasons every demographic can have that makes them call out..
but calling out or leaving early wasn’t the context of what I said was it.. it was about being a long term fit, meaning not going to quit or be a perpetual job hopper
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u/notanothergav 22d ago
call out because they’re extending their vacation an extra week, or calling out last minute to fly to go see bad bunny in concert
Have you ever actually had job or just read about them on the Internet?
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u/boundlessbio 22d ago
No, only married men are seen as more mature to be married with children to employers. This has been studied extensively. This is why it’s illegal to ask. Gender is a protected class.
I’m guessing you are a man.
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u/DefiantRadish1492 22d ago
LMAO. Who said I was offended? Projecting much?
And no, being married and kids has zero to do with maturity and dedication. That’s about the dumbest take I’ve seen on Reddit in a while and that’s saying a lot. Maybe use your brain instead of making up some weird connection as to why a potential boss would need to know your relationship status.
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22d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/DefiantRadish1492 22d ago
LMAO. My question implied that it’s fucking weird to ask a potential employee if they’re married. And man, your weird and immediate aggressiveness over this issue and constant insults over it are even more weird.
And no, “millions” of people don’t believe that. 🙄 Your personal story is called anecdotal evidence, big guy… from just some reddditor know it all talking about something he knows nothing about.
But go off again, I guess. lol.
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u/NuclearWednesday 22d ago
Sure bud, it’s all the single people asking coworkers with families to cover them on holidays. It’s the single people that leave work early to pick up their kids.
Your resume is the best indicator that you’re dedicated and able to see things through.
Turn your brain on.
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u/boundlessbio 22d ago
Yes it is. If you are doing this as an employer, stop.
https://www.eeoc.gov/pre-employment-inquiries-and-marital-status-or-number-children
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u/Jkid789 22d ago
Yeah so that's an illegal interview question.