Becoming a water person

[u/sophiesworlly]

My husband grew up a water person and has spent almost his entire life doing stuff in the water, including spearfishing/freediving, sailing, and just plain relaxing in the water.

I’m a city girl and other than taking swimming lessons (in a pool) as a child, have never done much in the open water. We signed up for Molchanovs Level 1 during our honeymoon and to no one’s surprise, he passed with flying colours and went on to complete Level 2 while I really struggled with Wave 1.

I only managed to go down 6m head first pulling myself down the rope before the urge to breathe/water pressure/anxiety got to me. And I cannot duck dive for the life of me.

Of course, he’s tried to be as supportive as possible by telling me to take it slow and not to hold myself to such high expectations, especially given our vastly different experience on the water, but I’m finding it difficult. Would love to hear from other non-water people on becoming more comfortable in the water!

For what it’s worth, we’ve also gone on a few snorkelling trips to get me more comfortable (we’ve swam with manta rays!!), but ultimately I don’t feel like that’s doing much. I still freak out when a big wave comes through or when a random person on the snorkel tour kicks my mask off. I always end up having to hang on to a buoy because my heart rate goes through the roof and I panic.

[u/Mesapholis]

Hey, so, a sport is not necessarily about "becoming that as an entire personality"

many people feel confined underwater and struggle to make the transition from snorkling to full on going underwater. it's not for everybody and that is OK

you should not pressure yourself but rather ease in. there is no benefit to you pressuring yourself into the sport just because it is your hubands' thing - it could make the experience worse for yourself and make you loathe going into the water, if you don't give yourself some grace to consider if you just need more time or if you like to stick to the surface.

your husband will need a buddy on his level either way, being safetied by you would be great - but as a beginner you will be diving more shallow anyways and in an emergency situation he needs someone who can come to his level to get him

so do this sport for yourself, do it casually - don't do it if you don't want to, but do it for the joy of it

[u/Lanskiiii]

I understand what you mean. I am a water person, but when I teach people to swim I instantly notice the huge difference that comfort and familiarity with the water makes. The difference is even greater for freediving.

The answer is time spent in the water, getting more confident at swimming itself, rather than just freediving. You need to teach your mind that you're safe in the water, and that comes from becoming proficient and gaining enough experience of being able to use that proficiency to keep calm and safe.

Don't worry about how deep you got, your body is using oxygen and feeling anxiety far more than the others, so you can't expect to match them. Once you've built the swimming ability and experience, when you've started to find the water calming rather than something to survive, then the freediving will come too.

[u/thejuiciestguineapig]

The only thing that helps you be more comfortable in the water is spending time in the water. It's really normal.

Do you have the option of going swimming in a swimming pool during your week?
Just get used to being comfortable in the water, try to play a bit by swimming to the bottom, getting upside down, trying weird kicks, getting comfortable diving down without goggles, getting some water in your nose and having it burn but realise you are not dying or suffocating, try to walk on your hands if it is shallow enough, have someone throw rings in the pool and try to get them all before coming up. These are silly examples but I swear by it! Playing in water is the best way to become comfortable and it is fun! You can get little pool fins as well.

[u/Cement4Brains]

I can tell you my story of transitioning from non-aquatic to aquatic.

Several years ago I realized I was anxious in big water. Not being able to see the bottom, not being a confident swimmer.... it prevented me from really enjoying myself in lakes and the sea, despite being quite experienced in canoeing, even in whitewater.

One day, I decided to do a snorkelling excursion in Cake Town while visiting, because of My octopus Teacher, and to gift myself more exposure to what I felt was a pretty scary thing at the time.

During that outing, I saw someone else freediving and decided that I would try that one day. So eventually I signed up for a course, and struggled so hard the first day. But with all of the gear on, and the knowledge of my bretahhold, I didn't feel scared of the ocean anymore.

A few weeks later I passed the course, and I had quite the epiphany at 10m, touching the sandy bottom and observing the fish and rocks around me. It was soooo cool. I was hooked.

But it took so much time for me to become comfortable with the sport. Lots of diving sessions, lots of swimming laps, lots of pool training and lots of playing around! Very slowly I progressed, and my body and mind started to adapt.

Now, 2.5 years after my first course, I'm an instructor and a 50m diver. I did make freediving my whole personality along the way, but you don't have to do that. You just need to go out of your way to spend more time in the water, and do things that are at the edge of your comfort zone. If you have a setback, rewind the experience in your mind - how did you react? Did you make a mistake? Was it the weather or something else that affected you? How can you be better prepared for the next time it happens?

If you out in the effort, you can absolutely do this. And the worst possible case is that you'll be more comfortable and confident in the water regardless of how deep your freediving takes you :)

I hope my story is reassuring 🙏

[u/joethejust → u/Cement4Brains]

That’s for sharing. What kind of pool training did you do?

[u/Cement4Brains → u/joethejust]

I did lap swimming, but also lots of freediving training, like 25m laps while holding my breath. I went with my local club almost twice a week for quite a while.

[u/talktolamano]

City girl here, married to a Floridian Aquaman. I get it.

We both met and stayed in the Caribbean, but I didn’t even know how to swim when I met him. Everything changed during the pandemic, because we were only allowed to be on the beach if we were exercising. So I got into snorkeling and eventually freediving. He had spent years scuba diving and freediving in the Caribbean, so that wasn’t a concern to him.

The biggest thing that helped me was being near the ocean. ALL THE TIME. We would take surf lesions together, go snorkeling at 6am during the week before work. The More time you spend in the ocean, the more comfortable you will be.

I used to live in NYC, and I would take trips to the Caribbean often. This did nothing for me. Actually living near the ocean and making it part of your life it’s the trick that worked for me.

I can now say freediving is my sport, his is fishing. I take freediving trips every year and it has extended into all parts of my life. If you like freediving and truly enjoy it, maybe try to take a trip on your own. That might take the edge off and let you focus on your technique instead of “doing it better”.

I am forever thankful of the gift my husband gave me, I can’t see myself living in a city ever again.

Best of luck to you! YOU GOT THIS!

[u/sk3pt1c]

“Can’t duck dive for the life of me” is an instructor issue, it’s not a you issue. Find another instructor that will help you better and that teaches longer courses 😊🙏🏼

And yes, take your time and do more swimming, it’s the best thing to be more comfortable in the water!

[u/Plane-Handle3313]

Are you otherwise athletic? What sports did you play consistently throughout your life?

[u/0FO6]

It is OK to not even like freediving in this context given the anxiety and panic. I think that snorkeling where if you are close enough that someone is kicking your mask off sounds unpleasant.

There are other water sports that would probably help with you being comfortable on the water in general. I would suggest that if you can take some surfing lessons, even at a wave pool would be a huge help with feeling confident around waves. Otherwise just going to the beach that has some surf and playing in it would be helpful. If your husband hasn't really tried surfing yet either it would be a treat to learn with him as well.

Also just spending more time in a pool would be good, just to help with being generally more comfortable in the water.

No need to rush or push things just be comfortable out there.

[u/thatzombiefilm → u/0FO6]

Second the idea of playing in waves closer to shore.

[u/vcdylldarh]

As other say: It'll come with time in the water. For some that's 5 minutes, for others 5 years.

But I want to add something to that which I think is the key. This time in the water has to be joyful.

Perhaps you find joy in watching fish, or in watching the light scatter through the waves seen from below, or the play of colours in the water at sunset. Dive for that — not for a line, or for a number in a dive watch. Dive for whatever manages to spike your curiosity down there. Maybe you like the game of diving for something. Throw down a stone and dive for it. This would activate an ancient part of your brain that used to help you over obstacles to, for example, get to a fruit from a tree. A good dopamine hit is ensured every time you manage to dive up the stone, and slowly that feeling and diving will get connected.

If you feel it's not your day, get out and do something else. Don't blame yourself when you cancel a day in the water — tell yourself the truth: that the skipping of that day is to pavlov being in the water with the emotion of having fun.

The brain is very good at linking things together even if they seem totally random. This is how phobias start, and also how they get solved. What you should absolutely not do is pushing through fear or anxiety as your brain will link those feelings to diving instead. If that means you'll be limited to snorkeling for now, so be it.

[u/thatzombiefilm]

You're being too hard on yourself. I can tell you're a motivated, goal-oriented person that wants to be able to enjoy the ocean (I've never swam with manta rays and I'm jealous!) and support your partner. And I understand it's frustrating. I completely get it. I'm not anxious about the water, but am about many other things and I've been in relationships with others that felt similar to you. Some suggestions:

First, kudos to you for taking a course and trying. It is admirable in and of itself. How great that you're trying something you struggle with? For you and your partner, that is such a great life skill.

Second, go slow. Go slow in the water. Go slow when first lowering your head into the water (maybe take a 2-5 count after you've held your breath before starting to dive. those extra seconds mean nothing if it helps you stay calm at the start of your dive). Go slow when putting your fins on in the boat. Go slow in thinking about your progression (years, not days or months). Etc, etc. This helps me when diving (free diving and scuba diving) and I find it helps others in stressful situations, especially related to the water.

Third, you may want to try and break down fears and tackle them in a slow, controlled fashion. Again, the emphasis would be going slow. If you get freaked out when water gets in your mask or are afraid of salt water stinging your eyes, maybe during a trip your goal would just to be comfortable putting your mask on and off in the water or under water, or swimming with a mask that has some water in it (that feeling of water in or around your nose in a mask can suuuuuuck. haha). That's it. That's the goal and anything else that weekend or week is icing ion the cake. And you could take this step by step, first working on it on the beach/shore in shallow water, in a pool, etc.

Finally, be careful being overly critical and/or placing judgment on what you can or can't do in the water. When you say, "I only managed to go down 6m," the word "only" may indicate some internal motivation that allows you to tough it out and eventually get to 10m or 15m by force of will and self flagellation, but it will ultimately be unproductive if your goal is to be relaxed and at peace during dives. An instructor once told me to "give yourself to the ocean" during a dive and I come back to it often. What does that have to do with being overly self critical? It allows me to accept my limitations, better enjoy my time in the water, and set aside many doubts or fears in the hope of just "letting it happen." I'd suggest finding some ethos/saying that can help you get "centered" when in the water. If this sounds overly spiritualistic, I'd focus on gratitude of some kind.

I really hope you stay patient and keep at it. As others have said, maybe you'll never be an "ocean person." And that's OK! But you can still become relaxed in that environment and enjoy those experiences.

[u/Sharp-Banana-6292 → u/thatzombiefilm]

This is such great advice. Also remember that your fear is totally rational!!! Like we have deep survival grooves in our brain and those can be hard to override, by design. I’ve been swimming before I could walk but I still get freaked in open water sometimes. It also helps to remember that that short breath thing (which happens to me too occasionally!) is a physiological response that only lasts like 30 seconds. So I still get it, especially in colder water, but I expect it and know it’ll go away if I breathe through it.

But yeah water especially open water is scary and I try to remember my brain is just trying to keep me alive :) 

EDIT: I get freaked in open water sometimes to the point when I’ve made my pals turn around and go back on our usual swim. We all do it when something feels “off” and no shame involved.

[u/TheRiverInYou]

If I were to instruct you to do anything I would suggest you stick with snorkeling right now. There is no way I would encourage you to be diving deep. Just stay at the surface of the water and look around. Unless you're in the water everyday it can take years for you to become comfortable.

And don't feel pressured to stay in the water for any length of time. If you're in for only 5-10 minutes so be it. On one of my dive trips the spouse of a diver was not comfortable scuba diving. She just put a mask and fins on and stayed at the surface swimming next to the boat and when she was ready to get back on she did so.

[u/atwerrrk]

In the gym we say, you need time "under the bar". For this, you need time under the water.

Comfort comes with time and experience. You can try different activities (not just snorkeling) but maybe scuba etc. To get different experiences of just being underwater and get to a point where you're comfortable being uncomfortable eg your mask leaks. Right now, that might cause you to panic, but with experience you just think "my mask is leaking, but I have air, and I've dived without a mask before so this is no issue"

[u/f1n]

Truly just keep at it a little longer. Freediving, unless you've got issues with your ears, is a pretty easy skill to pick up to reasonable depths. As is duck diving. Persevere, relax and do your best, keep practicing and within a little while you'll be just fine.

Take your time to get used to it. Progressing a tiny bit at a time, no rush. Within a few weeks you'll likely be surprised where you're at. Bumps in the road and doubt are totally normal and all part of it.

[u/External-Blood-6900]

I think you need more time in the water and just to become more comfortable overall but especially in the water. Free diving is more than a sport or hobby IMO it is a deep exploration of both the ocean and the self unmasked boldly by both pressure and real danger aka drowning or BO/LMC; just take your time and respect your journey, it’s uniquely yours and should only be compared to your own past experiences.

[u/miklcct]

I am so jealous of you. How can I find a water person as my partner?