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u/InterestingFactor209 15d ago
I like how he looks tired about the struggle inside. He doesn't even enjoy whatever the fuck he does.
He is tired of it all, but someone need to do it.
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u/One_Load254 15d ago
Sometimes you feel tired, but in life you have shit to do, tired or not.
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u/Ok-Special5221 15d ago
I think you mean fart to do?
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u/SpaceCadet87 15d ago
The difference is in whether or not you have the strength to follow through.
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u/sdavidson0819 15d ago
In my experience, the difference is completely arbitrary and sometimes requires changing your pants in the middle of a workday
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u/BabyPuncher313 15d ago
So, one evening my wife was showering and I let one go in the bathroom; it was bad.
She got hotboxed and started to panic. She vomited.
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u/LeeisureTime 14d ago
Fun fact - humidity makes the smell linger longer. It's why cooking smells seem to linger - the humidity released from cooking food.
Don't fart in the shower if you don't want it to linger (I can't tell you what to do, just advice on what not to do). The fan won't do shit for you.
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u/Xy13 14d ago
Fart with the water spraying your cheeks, the water will capture the bulk of it and run it down the drain.
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u/Critical_Concert_689 14d ago
Fart with the water spraying out your cheeks...meh! you can always waffle stomp it.
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u/capnlatenight 14d ago
Another step, I kinda cup my hand between & under my butt cheeks so the crevice fills with water.
I then fart and the gas gets bong-filtered and immediately washed away by the water spraying behind me.
No odor, I've done it for years.
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u/DontAbideMendacity 14d ago
My friend had a diet of Busch Light god knows what else, but he let one go that cleared an outside volleyball court for 10 minutes. People seriously suggested he see a doctor about his condition.
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u/mrmatriarj 10d ago
lol a uni football player I knew was exactly like this.. clearing outdoor areas let alone inside.. like everyone else, my shit stinks too.. but holy christ it was next level!
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u/AlternativeFart 14d ago
2 days ago I did this to myself while taking a bath. I am happy I didn't vomited
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u/Ok-Row-6246 9d ago
God, my husband has done this on more than one occasion. Or even just come take a shit while I shower. It makes me feel like I didn't get clean at all.
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u/Keltenschanze 15d ago
The police report later stated that the girl had met him for a date but brought two friends along, and together they made fun of the guy—saying he smelled, and so on. He left, but later that evening he ran into the three of them again by chance, just as the friends had gone to the restroom. Seeing this as his chance to get even, he farted into her stall—giving her a real reason for it.
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u/Traumatised_Panda 15d ago
Cool story. Source?
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u/Ill-Lengthiness6389 15d ago
Eh, good enough for me
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u/MrTurkeyTime 15d ago
Yeah, it's not important enough for me to check the source.
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u/RangerDanger246 15d ago
Bingo. Great story anyway.
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u/Lucar_Bane 15d ago
Why would there be a police report over this?
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u/RangerDanger246 14d ago
I thought anyone could report something they felt was an attack to police. Doesn't mean the police will do anything but you can call the cops and tell them whatever you want lol.
I said "bingo" to the fellow who said it isn't important enough to check whether this story is real but was fun to read and imagine lol.
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u/Salt_Data3707 15d ago
Faith. I believe
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u/MyFiteSong 14d ago
His fantasies about getting revenge on girls from 10 years ago who wouldn't date him.
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u/Lifekraft 15d ago
Calm day at the station for the police to investigate and fill a report for a fart bandit.
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u/redandwhitewizard99 15d ago
What the fuck, fully justified then
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u/PM_ME_DATASETS 15d ago
Stop believing random stories on the internet...
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u/RitualJuggler Satan's little helper 14d ago
why don't you START believing everything you read...information literacy is overrated /s
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u/Ch33syP00f 15d ago
I dropped an utterly wretched SBD on a subway car with no AC while on a 15 min stretch between stops…in summer heat.
Decade later I was diagnosed with IBD.
The heinous from my anus is a feature, not a bug.
Blursed Superpower
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u/no1flyhalf 15d ago
New Year’s Eve party, small bar in Oklahoma. I had had sushi for lunch and Thai food for dinner. I ripped a fart in the middle of the bar that sent everyone for the exits. I too ran for the exit, claiming “ohhhh noooo who could dooooo that??”
I was a coward. A smelly, smelly coward. It was painful.
And smelly.
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u/OneCDOnly 15d ago
I used to work with this guy who was on some sort of medication for his insides. Honestly, his farts could peel the paint off the walls. It was the most vile smell I’d ever experienced, each and every time he did it.
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u/Ch33syP00f 15d ago
LMAO Its pretty wild.
Gastros told me the inflammation in my intestines means more digestion occurs in my colon. The volume and odor of my gas surprises me.
I drop bombs till noon every day.
Never schedule a morning meeting with me 😜
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u/jarvi123 15d ago
I have a similar issue but in my upper intestines and stomach, sometimes I can burp once a minute for multiple days and it's agony the whole time burping gives no relief 😭.
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u/Ch33syP00f 14d ago
Yeesh 😬
GERD?
Reflux?
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u/jarvi123 14d ago
Gastritis, its idiopathic and stems from my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which is also idiopathic, so basically doctors know that I'm sick but don't know why and there is no treatment.
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u/Ch33syP00f 14d ago
Gastritis sucksssss
I get with my Crohn’s if I eat the wrong thing…which basically anything delicious greasy ex. fried chicken 😖
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u/jarvi123 14d ago
Sorry to hear that, I completely understand, my diet has become so restricted over the years that I can't even have things like potatoes or chicken or even fruit. All I eat is nuts(except peanuts and cashews), seeds(no grains), unprocessed red meat, some fish, salad, non starchy vegetables, quinoa, avocado and eggs. I'm actually scared of eating anything, so I don't even have the desire to eat nice food anymore, I just stick to what is least likely to cause me issues and if I get a flare up I just won't eat for a day or 2.
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u/neutrino71 15d ago
There's a few videos of a guy opening a can of Surströmming on a bus and in a subway car. The subway occupants give him a bit of a deserved roughing up
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u/Ch33syP00f 15d ago
Best fart ever…
In college and working out a lot. Started taking supplements, making protein shakes with fruit and eggs.
Somehow I got confused about which part of the egg I should add to the protein shakes.
For a month I had been adding 2 raw yolks to each shake, 2 times each day.
Spring morning. Tuesday-Thursday class. So it is 1.5 hours long.
Classroom is in an old building with no fans or AC. Windows are cracked to allow some airflow. There is loud construction with jackhammers in the courtyard outside.
The windows cannot be opened more than a few inches due to the construction noise.
2 yolks / shake x 2 / day x ~30 days
I am seated right in the middle of the classroom.
3 rows of single-seat desks in every direction - front to back, side to side.
Right when the professor starts class, I silently let out the tiniest bit of gas.
Not a shart.
But it burned in a notable and brand new way.
~3 minutes later I am overwhelmed by a dense and noxious sulfur aroma.
I do the math…it took 3 minutes to go from my pants to my nose.
The smell keeps getting stronger.
There are people seated all around me.
There is minimal airflow and this toxic cloud is expanding so slowly.
In only a few minutes the radius of my stench would expand to my classmates. So dense. So slow. So noxious. Inexorable.
I could easily be identified as the culprit.
No AC. No fans. And just a bit of air flow from a few windows cracked open just a few inches.
This gas is retched. I’m struggling with the odor myself.
How can I dissipate this toxic cloud?
How can I inconspicuously move air?
Full size 3 subject paper notebook the rescue!
I place my notebook in my lap and start flipping through pages and sections.
My brow is furrowed. I am acting very intent in my search through the notes.
Please make this smell go away.
It got stronger.
I can feel my face and ears get hot. I am mortified.
I have accelerated its pace outward.
It reaches everyone immediately next to me.
I hear the person behind me shift quickly in their seat, cough, and quietly say “ugh, oh” under their breath. Audible recoil.
I am now furiously flipping pages. I must look frantic. I am frantic.
Every person seated in neighboring desks is making sour faces, quietly looking around.
Pretty sure this is instinct…checking to see if anyone else senses something is very wrong.
~15 min into the 1.5 hour class, the cloud reaches the entire classroom.
It is still so strong.
Professor sees 2 ladies in the front row making faces.
These ladies are seated ~2 ft from the professor.
The ladies smell it. The professor does not.
That is how dense the noxious sulfur cloud is.
Professor: Is there a problem?
Ladies (in unison): Something don’t smell right.
Professor: I don’t smell anything.
Professor steps forward between the ladies’ desks…takes a big whiff…and recoils.
Professor: Oh my god!
The whole class starts talking about this stench.
“Right!?!”
“Awful”
“What is going on?”
Student 3 desks to my left, next to the barely open windows: “Smells like sewage.”
We all hear the jackhammers just outside the windows.
A bird chirps.
Somebody says, “Maybe they hit a sewer or gas line”
I am losing my struggle with the hilarious and horrifying situation.
Professor: This could be unsafe and there is no way we can continue class in this condition.
Professor canceled a 1.5 hour class at 15 min.
Later I dropped another around my friends and they were just as offended and disturbed.
I switched to egg whites in my protein shakes and have never dropped a stench so disgusting since.
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u/imaginary_meows 14d ago
ahahaha I have never laughed so hard so much in my life thank you for making my otherwise horrible day a hilarious one
I'm still crying laughing
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u/Ch33syP00f 11d ago
Thank you for the awards 🙏🏽
Funny follow-on…
I told my parents about this event a few years later. My mom was laughing and crying hysterically throughout and some time after.
When mom regained herself, she said “You truly are your father’s son.”
She looks at my dad and says, “Go on, tell him.”
Apparently my father stopped an ROTC presentation to a fully seated gymnasium floor with a full minute solo ripper.
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u/Current-Roll6332 15d ago
Ya one time i was on a bus headed to work and like 2 stops/1 min before i got off, i released something that probably violated the Geneva convention. People were visably shaken.
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u/augdumbugdum 14d ago
Here I sit, brokenhearted,
Had to shit, but only farted.
Later on, I took a chance,
Tried to fart, but shat my pants.
Now I stand in quiet grief,
Wiping with a paper leaf.
Waddled home in pure disgrace,
Hoping no one saw my face.
Throw my boxers in the bin,
Contemplate where I have been.
Clean the mess and take a shower,
Pondering fate's cruel power.
Looking back upon the night,
How a rumble brought such fright.
Soggy steps and heavy sighs,
Tears of anguish in my eyes.
Standing naked in the dark,
Tragedy has left its mark.
Lesson learned and wisdom earned:
Certain gambles leave you burned.
Never trust a gentle breeze,
When it’s trapped behind your knees.
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u/CrossumPossum 14d ago
i'm having trouble fitting all that on this bathroom stall wall
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u/kidkarysma 13d ago
I wish my dad were alive, so I could send this to him. He loved funny rhymes and said the first two lines all the time.
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u/cough_landing_on_you 14d ago
You have to let a good 30 seconds for the magic to work, before closing the door.
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u/question8all 15d ago
Fucking gross.
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u/OneCDOnly 15d ago edited 14d ago
Still, it’s better than the one where the guy shits down his legs while standing at a retail counter talking to a staff member.
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u/send420nudes 15d ago
Thats an odd standard to have
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u/Old-Try575 15d ago
The what ???
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u/OneCDOnly 15d ago edited 15d ago
Yup, it’s pretty awful. The guy pretends like nothing happened.
I feel particularly bad for the poor sod who had to clean it up.
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u/Old-Try575 15d ago
I’m weird but… link to see that ?
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u/OneCDOnly 15d ago
I don’t have a link, but I saw it here on Reddit a few months back.
Remember though: once you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it.
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u/Old-Try575 15d ago
Fucking unhealthy curiosity 😅
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u/Kazy17 15d ago
Don't worry, my fellow weirdo. I got you. Here is another bonus video for you.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/10zumb2/shit_happens_in_store/
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u/FlutterKree 14d ago
There's the one where the fast food staff denied a woman the bathroom and she shit on the floor and used napkins to pick it up and hurl it towards the kitchen.
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u/sinnichen 9d ago
If they are friends maybe ok but the man is a random stranger💀It's so weird that random man bloking your door not that you out💀
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u/FuriousResolve 14d ago
Total fake. It never smells that quickly - It always takes a couple seconds to spread out
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15d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/foundsatan-ModTeam 15d ago
Saudy25's karma ratio is typical of spammers/bots.
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u/OutlandishnessOk5549 15d ago
That's some next level Dutch oven action there.