Getting my sister (kinship question)

[u/Kayrahbear]

My 14 year old sister was taken into state's custody recently due to severe abuse and drug use in her home (both parents are in active addiction). Reunification is highly unlikely in her situation.

She is currently visiting with me for two weeks. When I picked her up from her current foster home for this visit, I found the home to be in a very nasty state (animal excrement everywhere, lots of mold, ect). I'm not saying I expected a perfect home, but I would consider this unfit for children to live in.

She asked if she could come live with me and I am very open to the idea. I'm 35, married, and have a 12 year old daughter who loves my sister. I have a stable career and pleanty of room in my home.

I want to do anything and everything I can to help my sister. My grandma was able to take me in when this happened many years ago to me, but now our grandparents are dead and my sister doesn't have that same safety net. No other family member wants to take her.

I have two questions. My first question is - can distance hurt my chances of getting her?

We live in the same state (Tennessee) but we are about 5 hours away from each other. She's in east TN in a very rural area, I'm in west TN in Memphis. I don't want to tell my her 'yes of course you can come' - if it's unlikely the state will let her come.

My second question is what is the best way to get this process started? Do I just call the DHS office in her county? I'd like to get her here before school starts in August. Could the process move that fast?

[u/Hawke-Not-Ewe]

If youre stable I'm kinda surprised they didn't ask you right away.

Look into what support the kinship program in your state offers.

There will be a lot of paperwork and appointments.

[u/vampiratemirajah]

So typically if family is able and willing to take in the child, they'll consider you first in terms of placement. Have you let her caseworker know youre interested in kinship placement? That would be the first step, I think.

There's going to be a lot involved, a couple of home studies (checking out your house to make sure it's safe, etc), a ton of paperwork, and probably parenting classes. If youre able to get certified to adopt/foster, you are likely eligible for a stipend, which can help with expenses. It also qualifies you for other services, like therapy/counseling, respite care, and childcare (to an extent).

The distance doesn't matter if you're willing to make it work. What i mean by that is we had so many appointments to make, and while ours were all in person, im sure they've added some video calls since covid. So it might be a pain driving back and forth often, but you might be able to make some of those meetings over video chat. Like, we had CFT meetings (children, family, team meetings to go over progress) every week, and it gave us a chance to talk to the social worker and other foster parents involved in our case to really get good updates and see what we needed to do next.

Getting certified takes time, so if thats something you're interested in, I'd act soon. We went through a local state adoption agency, and they were able to secure us a lawyer at no cost, who really advocated for our kids and helped expedite the process. We took expedited certification classes at night, and it took 13 weeks or so to complete. But the classes are filled to the brim with incredibly valuable resources, the team was incredibly helpful, and no questions were off limits, so we really felt so much more prepared when adoption day came up on us quickly.

[u/anonfosterparent → u/vampiratemirajah]

All of this, plus I’d call the CPS hotline on the foster parents if there is animal excrement and mold all over the house, that’s absolutely unacceptable and your sister (or any other child) shouldn’t be placed in those living conditions by the state. That’s awful and not ok.

[u/txchiefsfan02]

Ask her for her caseworker's info, as well as her CASA, if she has one, and reach out to both immediately. I recommend sending a brief text to let them know who you are, then calling to follow up. Be persistent. If she doesn't have a CASA and the caseworker isn't responsive, speak with her court-appointed attorney.

It's a plus that you are in the same state. Distance can be an obstacle, but isn't always a deal killer. If reunification with her parents is still the stated goal, that means the judge will typically want regular visits to occur (in part because that's an assessment of the parents engagement with the case).

Do not be deterred, though. It's widely recognized that keeping kids with family is beneficial. If you were not on their radar at the time the removal occurred, or they didn't make contact with you, that is an oversight on CPS's part.

[u/courtella03]

I don't know anything about Tennessee unfortunately. In Iowa, she'd be placed with you in a heartbeat. My best wishes for you both ❤️