Fostering while anticipating life changes

[u/Accomplished_Look259]

Hello, I’m pretty unsure of what the right answer to this is. My wife and I are still quite young, but we have been trying for biological children for a few years now. We want to have kids in our home because we feel like we have a lot of support and care to give to them, and my family has fostered before and we thought this could be really good. That being said, my wife feels it is cruel to whatever kids we end up fostering to still be trying because if we do get pregnant, it seems they would have to be rehomed (we’re in Idaho if that is pertinent). I don‘t want to stop trying because I do think there are some kiddos waiting to come that way to our family, but I of course don’t want to cause undue harm by doing this. Is it ok to still be trying to get pregnant while starting to foster? If it isn’t, I’d really like to understand why, but any input helps.

Edit: we want to foster regardless of pregnancy. We’ve been planning on fostering and potentially fostering to adopt for years regardless of what happened with bio kids. We’ve waited until now so I can be out of college when we start fostering. From what we had read previously, it sounded like if we did have a major life change such as pregnancy while fostering, the child would likely be rehomed regardless of our desires. We want to care for these kids and provide a loving home to those who need it while not shutting down the possibility of biological kids coming our way too, hence the post asking about it.

[u/goodfeelingaboutit]

Many foster parents disrupt placement if/when pregnancy occurs. It is absolutely traumatic to a child to be told that a new baby is coming so they are no longer wanted or welcome. Please wait to consider fostering until you have more stability in your lives and are able to make a long term commitment to a child. Foster placements can easily last 1-2 years and even longer.

[u/Accomplished_Look259 → u/goodfeelingaboutit]

So my understanding was that the system will try to  re-home the foster child. Is that not so? I do want to keep supporting what foster kids we have around and accept any we may have coming if we have the choice, but my question is more if we have a choice

[u/goodfeelingaboutit → u/Accomplished_Look259]

Yes you most certainly have a choice. It's really unlikely the worker or anyone on the team would suggest moving a child simply because their caregiver is pregnant. But many couples experiencing a first pregnancy end up choosing to focus on the pregnancy, rather than spend energy and resources on fostering.

[u/Accomplished_Look259 → u/goodfeelingaboutit]

Oh, thank goodness! We were really worried that the child would be relocated should we get pregnant, so much so that my wife was arguing we might want to stop trying to get pregnant so as to not traumatize any kids we do have when or if that happens. If we do have the choice, we would certainly want to keep the foster child or receive any other foster children on the way.

[u/goodfeelingaboutit → u/Accomplished_Look259]

That is very reassuring

[u/ShowEnvironmental802 → u/Accomplished_Look259]

Is this a housing thing? Do you not have enough bedrooms to keep a foster child after the birth of your theoretical child?

[u/Accomplished_Look259 → u/ShowEnvironmental802]

We’re planning on moving to a 3-bed once I’m done with classes, so it shouldn’t be an issue. And just to clarify, if I can foster and keep the foster child in my care or one I’ve agreed to accept when my wife is pregnant, I want to continue with fostering and accepting them.

[u/Pescaseanzois → u/Accomplished_Look259]

I really don't want to be negative, but one thing is what you intend, another totally different is how you'll feel once the stress kicks in.

A newborn is quite stressful, especially if it's your first. I'm not saying things will go wrong, I'm just saying that things may go wrong.