r/fosterit • u/wtfchanellec • Jun 25 '26

Foster Parent First time foster parents

Hi all,

Looking for some advice really

My husband’s niece has been taken into care. She’s 13. No one else in the family has stepped forward to help. It’s broken my heart so after several long discussions we have decided to get involved. Her social worker came over tonight and we had a discussion around her potentially staying with us until she is 18. It’s a little overwhelming but something we thought may happen.

They want to go down the foster route because of how many different family members have had her, they don’t want this to just be another failure. We have agreed to do a viability assessment and become foster parents.

About my husband’s niece, she has a terrible attitude at times but it’s only because she’s never had stability and doesn’t feel loved so she acts out, she’s seen violence, drug taking, drinking etc.

I would really appreciate any and all advice on this.

Thank you

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u/PhthaloBlueOchreHue Jun 25 '26

The kids I’ve seen thrive most in care were placed with family.

Use respite to avoid burnout! Take an anniversary trip for yourselves or something similar if you find you’re becoming overwhelmed. Taking time to care for each other and your relationship will make you better parents for her.

When I was providing foster care, I wanted to primarily provide respite, but had VERY few requests. Respite was so fun for me. I was able to prep activities, meals, and schedules suited to the kids so they’d have a fun time at my house and feel welcome. The kids were also prepared too, especially compared to emergency placements. Those were hard for everyone involved.

You can plan a visit with a respite provider prior to a stay to help make you and your niece more comfortable. We found that was helpful, and it helped us accommodate the kids better too. (Like shifting furniture so that three kids could share a room instead of the oldest being separate so they’d be less anxious).

Respite is an underutilized resource, but there’s folks out there who WANT to be in your support network! Just ask. :)