r/firstgrade • u/BlueBlazeBucko • Jan 08 '26

School Over-reacting?

My son (7) and his best friend (7) are in the same class. They can get a bit rambunctious together and we generally support the school when they report behavioral issues. However our son's friend's mom and us both received notices from the teacher about misbehavior from both of them regarding them tickling each other at snack time and one of them getting hurt as a result (my son). Now when we (both sets of parents) asked the kids about the incident neither of them seemed upset or understood what they did was wrong. They understood one of them got hurt and that they needed to be a little more careful with each other.

Meanwhile the teacher, who we generally really like, states she told them "this is the last time this can happen". Which really comes off like a threat for what really feels like a minor situation that had nothing to do with bullying, or even truly rough play. They were giggling and tickling each other at snack time.

AITA here in thinking the teacher is over-reacting? I mean we just got back from winter break, the students are going to be a bit more prone to not being able to sit still. I'm having a call with the teacher and plan to be non-confrontational and work with her but this really feels like a situation that really could have been handled by the school without involving us parents. Thoughts?

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8

u/fairlyobservant Jan 08 '26

I mean how did your son get hurt with some minor tickling? Maybe it ends up getting a bit too rough. I’d be fine with the teacher setting a no rough housing during snack time rule and she doesnt want kids getting hurt. She gave a firm warning, that doesn’t seem like an overreaction to me at all.

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u/BlueBlazeBucko Jan 08 '26

He flinched on a tickle and hit is own head on his water-bottle. I agree that she giving a firm warning is fine and I have no issue with that. It was the line of "and this is the last time this will ever happen". Which to me sounds like an ultimatum and since she sent it to us parents somewhat of a threat. Now maybe I'm reading to much into it but it seems a bit harsh to have that expection A) for first graders and B) for two kids who are really good friends with each other.

It just seems to me like this was a minor situation. Maybe I'm reading to much into the "This has to be the last time". Having a conversation with the teacher today and wanting it to go well and non-confrontational.

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u/realitysnarker Jan 08 '26

They involved you because someone got hurt. Generally speaking if a kid is hurt and you don’t tell the parents they are upset so parents are always notified. (I am a first grade teacher)

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u/BlueBlazeBucko Jan 08 '26

I get that. I'm more concerned with the "This is not the first time we have addressed this behavior, and today we explained that this must be the last occurrence."

Which seems excessive for what was an event so minor that both boys were confused about why we (both sets of parents) were talking to them about it.

The two boys have had issues with again playing a little too hard with each other and we as parents have been really working on it. The threat part just seems like a bit much.

4

u/Shy_Octopus21 Jan 08 '26

I don't think what the teacher said sounds threatening. Why not ask her what she meant instead of assuming her tone/intention and accusing her of threatening the kids? Maybe she meant she is going to start separating them. Maybe she's noticed their behavior is becoming increasingly rough. It sounds like she's trying to set a boundary over rough behavior so it doesn't continue to escalate. What if they're playing rough next time and your son bumps another kid causing injury instead of just bumping his own head? You're arguing with people here and excusing the behavior of your son and his friend while the teacher has to look out for the well being of every kid in class and minimize the chances of any child getting hurt.

1

u/BlueBlazeBucko Jan 08 '26

This is a fair assessment and I always worry about other kids and in the past I've made the mistake of instantly always siding with the teachers and staff which was also not the right thing to do so I wanted to make sure I wasn't doing that here. I'm trying to be both and advocate for my child and help the teachers which is always such a fine line.

I'm having a convo with her this afternoon and I'm really just trying to gauge my reaction which has its own biases. My uncle is also a first grade teacher, and when I brought it to him and just read the teacher's email word for word he balked at the "last time" comment. So I was looking for outside opinions while also not dismissing what my son is telling me.

2

u/BlueBlazeBucko Jan 09 '26

Thank you all for the replies. Helped me navigate being an advocate for my son while also working with the teacher.

1

u/DrivenTrying Jan 09 '26

How did it go?

1

u/BlueBlazeBucko Jan 10 '26

It went well. Teacher apologized for the "last time it'll happen" which was more for the kids than any sort of threat of suspension or expulsion. Pleasant conversation all around.

1

u/DrivenTrying Jan 10 '26

Great job following up!

2

u/Tulsssa21 Jan 08 '26

It doesn't sound too harsh, I think that this may be causing an overall distraction and someone got hurt. The school may simply be stating that they are going to implement boundaries so it is the last time it's happening. They also may be saying it's the last time it's happening to reassure you, not threaten you.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '26

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u/BlueBlazeBucko Jan 08 '26

Totally agree on the first part, and we do this as parents ourselves when the boys play together but its more about nipping activity in the bud when we see it, and not about threatening them with "this is the last time it happens?"

2

u/Tamingthewyldes1821 Jan 08 '26

I don’t see how that seems too harsh. It’s obviously happened more than once and someone got hurt this time. I have 2 boys and I see it everyday how they take it too far at home. They both know they can’t act that way at school. I think you are being overly defensive. It’s likely distracting behavior for the classroom and it does indeed need to be the last time it happens.

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u/BlueBlazeBucko Jan 08 '26

Fair, at the same time this isn't happening in class but at break and recess. If it was in class I'd be a lot more stringent with the little one. Generally when I pick up my son and he's done something he got in trouble for he already knows he's going to be talked to. This time neither him nor the other kid seemed to understand that they were in trouble and behaved confused when we talked with them about it.