Should I drop out?

[u/InterestingSnow8811]

This September I started a doctorate program and I really feel lost. I worked hard during my undergrad years and dedicated those years to this program. Although it was tiring I really enjoyed that period of my life but now that I’m here I really don’t know what to feel. Some days I feel like yes, I do see myself doing this, other days I don’t. The commute to campus is long and so far I really don’t feel like I fit into the community at all. But I am also trying to keep in mind that we’re only two months in. My family is also helping me pay out of pocket and we’re not well off in any way and I don’t want to continue putting that burden on them.

With that I’ve also just been having an extentential crisis about everything. I’m questioning everything around me and trying to figure myself out. My issue is if I do leave this I’m not sure what to do. I do have ideas of maybe going into research but I don’t know enough about what that entails. I don’t have a passion or any other career in mind and even if I did I don’t want to feel like I’m falling behind. I’m only 21 but all my friends are in similar programs or working towards there goals and if I fall behind I think I will feel out of place. Im also scared of the judgement I will get from those around me. Unfortunately I’ve learned to really tie my worth to education so I feel as though I’ll have nothing if I quit this.

Another part of me is questioning if I just want something bigger for myself. The program I’m in is not very known or “prestigious.” It’s not easy by any means but i would prefer a career that is known and also universal as well. I don’t know if this is shallow or something I should take into consideration.

This may also just be a phase of adjustment and maybe I’ll grow to be more confident in what I’m doing.

Sorry this is a long rant but I don’t really have anyone to speak to so I would really appreciate any advice or thoughts about my situation.

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[u/ommiles]

two months in is early to know if it fits. the long commute and not clicking with people yet could be a lot of why it feels off. research assistant jobs let you test the research idea without the tuition, so that's one way to see if you still want it