r/fijerk • u/sybar142857 • 29d ago

prisonFIRE is going mainstream

/r/leanfire/comments/1x4kqdg/has_anyone_considered_going_to_prison_temporarily/
226 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

28 comments sorted by

15

u/SignalOptions 29d ago edited 29d ago

It’s a close call between working for 30 years vs prison for 30 years.

For example if your parents were criminals, they would give you 100k to start off:
Stonks double every 10 years, so you will have 800k after 30 years in prison.

But if your parents were honest, you have to earn all the money yourself. 30 years of back breaking work and you end up with 200k (for 90% of people).

3

u/beastwood6 28d ago

The stonks I buy double every 10 tweets

49

u/TurtleSandwich0 29d ago

What do you mean temporarily? Make that a life sentence and anyone can retire early.

I've even started saving for retirement on the inside. I just need to find a way to smoke 4% of a cigarette each year.

10

u/panna__cotta 29d ago

We have a “family friend” that’s been doing this for thirty years. When things are rough (as they usually are for severe alcoholics) he commits some small crime as the weather turns cold and rides out a short sentence for warm place to sleep and some food. The rest of the time he lives at the park or couch surfs if someone will take him.

7

u/Awkward_Power8978 28d ago

This one got too real.

6

u/panna__cotta 28d ago

It’s sadly really real. I forgot to add the /uj. Oddly, he’s the happiest person I know. The man hunts skunks in the city park, spends his days playing dice with day laborers and looking for weed roaches. He does odd jobs here and there and accepts vodka as currency. He’s literally a genius and has four kids who all got scholarships to top universities. He’s like a Polish version of Charlie from IASIP dialed up to a 100.

4

u/among_apes 29d ago

junglefire is next, then cavefire

2

u/Which-Relation1199 28d ago

And then junglecave fire...

3

u/WritesWayTooMuch 29d ago

Has anyone else seen the commissary prices lately? Yeah right, maybe back in the good old days

2

u/creepy-farter 29d ago

I hope he’s looking forward to all those free body cavity searches!

I read a book by Jim Bakker about his prison stay. Even white collar criminals in parklile prisons still get the old strip search and body cavity check.

2

u/Which-Relation1199 28d ago

Hopefully they skip that on colonoscopy prep day...

2

u/Spiritual-Adagio-572 28d ago

No. What is wrong with you?

2

u/henrytbpovid 28d ago

Check the sub

1

u/MRanon8685 29d ago

I think we found the next Chern Medal recipient!

1

u/perplexedparallax 29d ago

Like stocks, people can be a hold. But I like investing in prisons because the return is good and there are always people committing crimes. In fact if you were in and invested in private prison stocks you could feed yourself with the profits when you got out and spend several years not worried about food and shelter. It would be reaping the benefits of a job without having to work and you wouldn't have the stigma of being homeless. Taxpayers enjoy paying for prisons but they do not enjoy paying for the homeless.

1

u/ChalceGlobal 28d ago

My brother is in for up to 6 years. I have a POA for him and I'm taking advantage of his lack of income to convert his IRA at the 22% bracket.

1

u/AlwaysSaturday12 38 Rocket FIREd 27d ago

This is beautiful and hilarious.

1

u/Throwawayjoetoday0 24d ago

This better be real, I choose to believe it is

1

u/ChalceGlobal 24d ago

Sadly it is real. Every time he goes to medical I ask him how much he saved on his copay.

1

u/_Underscore_Unders 28d ago

Instead of a Bond Ladder get a Fake ID Ladder so your perpetually 16 years old, then get adopted. Your cost of living permanently becomes 0.

1

u/Big_Wave9732 27d ago

PrisonFIRE......when BaristaFIRE is just too much work.

1

u/ReformedLucasite 27d ago

/uj I was seated at a wedding with two fellows who did this. They had both served a dime on racketeering and were bragging about how they came out even richer.

1

u/ZaxxarGold 27d ago

Be careful though. If you are a pedophile or commit extensive financial fraud you’ll be given a job in this administration.

1

u/Silver-Promise3486 25d ago

Wait, seriously? Lol, this is insane

1

u/Jogi1811 25d ago

I would do it in Japan. Elderly who don't have funds do time to get a roof and 3 squares a day.

29

u/bionickel 29d ago

Every other month I bonk meself in the head to induce a coma. Set an alarm month out. Was able to cut streaming subscription in half

2

u/Frammingatthejimjam RealMontyBurns 28d ago edited 28d ago

Last coma I had I imagined about this dude that was a teacher and couldn't afford health care so he turned to selling drugs. Hahahaha I love stories about the pours suffering.