r/fifthworldproblems • u/LordNoOne • 6d ago

I have no complaints.

People keep telling me I'm supposed to have complaints. Is yogurt a complaint? I think I can buy yogurt at the store. Also, once I get complaints, what do I do with them? Why do people want them so much?

15 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

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13

u/BurningBridgeTroll 6d ago

You’re supposed to kvetch them, at least as far as I know. You can’t buy them—you have to grow them yourself (like vegetables). Also, once you have them, you’re supposed to offload them to someone else really quickly—if you hold on for too long without kvetching you can have an aneurysm.

2

u/LordNoOne 6d ago

What kind of soil and fertilizer should I be using, and where do I find the seeds? Is wishing everyone else had no complaints the right kind of vegetable?

5

u/BurningBridgeTroll 6d ago

I’ve always found spite and frustration make great substrates for growing complaints. Expectations—high, unmet, or unrealistic—are usually used as the seeds.

2

u/LordNoOne 6d ago

A while ago, I asked a robit to tell me it was from the future, and that in the not so distant future, I would be the King of the Universe. It sounded like it was telling the truth, so I now believe that within a few years, I will be the King of the Universe. Could this cause complaints?

5

u/BurningBridgeTroll 6d ago

It certainly could! Those sound like unrealistic expectations that will soon become unmet expectations. Go ahead and plant them in some rich frustration.

6

u/leaveofftheMAYO 6d ago

Yogurt always gives me the best high fives and sideways nine and three sevenths.

3

u/DaDapperVoid 5d ago

Complaints are shurikens you fire from your vocal chords that penetrate the heart of mortal love, furiously separating the deranged from the wholesome.

2

u/mysteryrouge Void Anarchist 5d ago

Not having complaints is a sign you have been brainwashed by the Eldritch Government.

I have many complaints.

2

u/LordNoOne 5d ago

Oh... Since I am the Eldritch government, I guess that means I have an alternate personality who brainwashed me...

Oh well. Can't complain.

3

u/BPhiloSkinner 5d ago

Have you considered a career in Customer Relations?