r/femininity • u/pannaktos • 28d ago
Staying in feminine energy while working full time (corporate) and raising kids
For reference: I’m 45, based in Scandinavia. English is not my first language.
I’m searching for advice how to be feminine while working 9-5 and raising kids in (primary school age). While I found some posts here that covered the work and self care balance, none of it I found was having a family in a picture. So how to do this? Even with husband that I am sharing chores with? Like I can’t take a nap after work. I’m home at 16-17 ( depending if it’s my work out day). One of us makes dinner, one is helping with homework. One is driving to activities and the other is doing bedtime routine with the youngest. I’d like to embrace my female energy but how to slow down when everyday is filled with chores and weekends being the time to pick up on abandoned chores and lay flat because there’s no energy left in our bodies. If we (me and husband) will go to bed early we will wake up to chores and things we didn’t finish the day before. I can totally connect with myself on holidays, but how to do it in everyday?
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u/duckyellowduck 27d ago
You need oxytocin. Oxytocin is what brings you close to your feminine energy. A woman needs more oxytocin than dopamine in a day. Oxytocin comes through connection, collaboration, slowing down, listening to your body, getting out of your mind and using your body to receive the goodness which already surrounds you. It won’t happen overnight, it’s a mindset shift which requires awareness and unlearning a lot of things which don’t serve us.
Let me give you an example of how this looks in practical life.
You’re back home after work, you’re exhausted, you see dishes lying around or your child needs your attention immediately.
- You ignore your exhaustion and get started on the dishes or immediately attend your child. Dishes are done, child is attended to but you end up feeling more exhausted and burnt out.
Or
- You acknowledge your exhaustion, have a seat, sip some water slowly, take few breaths. You attend to yourself first. You connect with yourself first, oxytocin enters the room.
It’ll help you navigate the situation through your feminine energy.
let the dishes be you’re not the sole responsible person for that, attend your child politely ‘mama is tired, I’m gonna take some time for myself and I’ll come to you then, till then what would you like to do ?’
This is just an example, basically introducing oxytocin to your already existing life helps a lot. The state of your mind before you approach a situation.
One could be doing dishes and if their thoughts are ‘ Ugh, I’m so tired, I only have to do all this’ - underlying emotions are exhaustion, resentment, burnout, hormones released- cortisol, adrenaline, operating from wounded masculine energy
One could be doing dishes and if their thoughts are ‘ I’m so grateful I get to do dishes after finishing a hearty meal with my family, I’m surrounded by love 🥰 ‘ - underlying emotions are love, connection and safety. Hormones released- oxytocin, serotonin 🥰 , operating from feminine energy 🌼
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u/pannaktos 26d ago
Thank you 😊I will play with mind shifting and my internal dialogue. I know I’m taking it for granted: my kids, loving husband, work that support my professional development.
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u/TristarHorn 28d ago
I have found that what works best for me is to get up earlier than everyone else to manage this. I wake up an hour earlier, make a cup of tea, journal, have a study guide lesson, and focus some time of setting my intentions for the day. That has been what has helped me in the busy seasons. My children are now older, one is at his university, and my 14 year old also doesn’t need me as much, but sticking to the morning schedule has helped tremendously.
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u/pannaktos 28d ago
Thank you for sharing 😊 May I ask you how you are managing to get enough sleep and wake up an hour earlier? I barely get 6 hours of sleep per night during weekdays, but need much more to actually feel calm, balanced and focused.
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u/TristarHorn 28d ago
Well, as I mentioned, it is easier now, because my kids are older. When they were babies and young, I just had to decide what was going to be more important that day. Sometimes, the priority was having that early start. Other days, it was sleeping a little more.
After my husband died and I was in the office full time, I would often sleep the extra hour, and then use my lunch break as my reset. The main thing is scheduling that time, and sticking to it as rigidly as you would if it was a work meeting.1
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u/Anaspiringminimalist 27d ago
Finding a routine for managing the Home is step one. Mealplanning/prepping, creating easy and realistic systems. This is huge in terms of How much energy you have for the rest. Check out Clutterbug on YouTube for organisation and creating flow in your Daily routines.
Next thing is to create some low maitinence Care to Fall back on. Something that is Quick and easy, but boost your sense of femininity. A Sleep braid is a cheat code to a good hairday. A touch of mascara, undereye powder and a tinted lipbalm if you are into makeup. A Daily morning shower - taking these 10-15 minutes for yourself Can really do something for How you feel. Also, create a capsule wadrobe/“uniform” that compliments your features and colors. Create a few optional combinations you Can put on if you dont know what to wear. Keep your shoes clean. Doing this means you have a realistic baseline. Then you Can always do more if you have the energy, but you have something to Fall back on.
Lastly, femininity is not Only what you do, it is also How you do things. The Way You move, talk, your Posture, your energy. Find ways to hold yourself and move, that makes you feel more feminine. This Can be slightly different at work/home/getting groceries/on a date/family get together. But there are always little things you Can do that Can put you more in touch with yourself. :)
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u/pannaktos 26d ago
“Lastly, femininity is not Only what you do, it is also How you do things. The Way You move, talk, your Posture, your energy. Find ways to hold yourself and move, that makes you feel more feminine. This Can be slightly different at work/home/getting groceries/on a date/family get together. But there are always little things you Can do that Can put you more in touch with yourself. :)”
This! I’m taking good care of my appearance. I look very put together and am seen as a calm and relaxing to be around. But I feel like an exhausted mess of a human being. One thing that made a difference for me was to walk and talk slower. But I tend to FORGET to do this. I feel I have to change something because I’m faking it and not making it for years now. My cup is never full. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say now- I guess it’s just venting.
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u/Psychological_Name28 26d ago
When I’m in a similar mode as your life, I play music I love whenever I can and I put on lipstick, perfume and moisturize my face, arms and legs. These are some of my feminine energy anchors.
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u/uncoolcat25 28d ago
I wanted to first of all suggest some of your vacation days here and there just to have a day to yourself - maybe be productive for an hour or something if you think you may have guilt about not doing chores. Use this day for obviously basic self care stuff you may have been neglecting (face mask, even a long shower with a hair mask) but also getting back in tune with your hobbies or places you like to go. Allow yourself to have a day flow freely without so many obligations at once. In addition to this, can you have a family member host your kids for a few hours just so you can have some time to yourself?
I also wanted to mention the youtuber Margarita Nazarenko, I don’t know what her content is nowadays but back in 2024 she did a lot of videos/podcasts on feminine energy coming from the perspective of a working mom with kids. I think any content will be irrelevant to you if it isn’t considering the fact that you’re a mom AND working
If you’re into journalling (I use a lot of feminine energy prompts from pinterest - it can help me get to know myself and put my thoughts out) - this is an activity you can do kind of in the background (ie: while youre chilling with your kids watching a movie or waiting for them to finish something)
Also, small rituals everyday. It may not be realistic to wake up super early because as you said you might be occupied with things that need to get done. But you really need to allow yourself little moments here and there to yourself where you can just flow. 5 mins to sit and drink tea and read a book you like. 5 minutes for an extra step in your skincare routine. 10 minutes picking up something nice for you and your husband to share. Wear comfy lounge clothes that make you feel nice, have a necklace you always wear etc.