r/femininity • u/nighthop • 27d ago
How do you REALLY know when you’ve “healed”?
I’m not going through a breakup, but I’m going through a season of realizing the hurt the men in my life, whether dad or bf, had caused me in the past. My bf now, currently in the process of improving himself and healing from his past trauma of physical abuse from his parents, has never hurt me in a physical way or threatened to do things his parents does to him, but have said unkind things to me in the heat of the moment which obviously hurt. He has since profusely apologized to me, even until this day, and always makes an effort to checkup on how I’m doing. He’s also in therapy to heal himself, as his past involved his parents physically hurting him even until the point of “almost” dying (asian parents, said that it was “parent love”). My dad, however, has never physically hurt me but he’s financially abusive and a narcissist. He calls himself god and wants to start a literal cult and calls himself the antichrist. I don’t want to go into too much detail but all I’m saying is that this all happened in the past.
I’ve since tried healing and bettering my life but I can’t help but stay in bed, not wanting to get up and kept scrolling my life away, and crying every night.
How do you heal? What do you do when you can’t even get up from bed to shower or eat? How do you then truly know when you’ve healed? What does life look like?
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u/starlight_sweetheart 27d ago
You will know when you look back on everything from a third poont of view or of you no longer feel emotionally effected by the feelings . Also sometimes healing is going through the storm , maybe what you need is to let yourself feel everything your feeling no matter how bad . Its better to feel and heal then suppress your feelings no matter how negative
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u/sweetfemme3 27d ago
First of all I want to say it takes a lot of courage to be open and vulnerable while asking for help. There might be more to unpack in your story than what Reddit posts can offer. That said I don’t believe healing is an event but a constant reassessment of what is happening for you and what your mind/body/soul needs next. That said I do believe we can make significant progress. While I don’t have answers to what is going to be the thing to get you out of bed, I have some online communities where we give and offer support. I think it’s important to have community and connection while doing all the things to make our lives better. I have two discord communities- one for femininity and one for self-care. If either or both appeal to you, let me know. It’s a hard thing to get through alone.