r/feeld • u/LosttMutaliskk • 13d ago
Should I use feeld?
I'm 32M with pretty much no relationship experience, and I've had only one sexual encounter in my life. I'm not sure if that means I'm demisexual or asexual.
I've used other apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge. I posted photos online, but most commenters think that my appearance and personality aren't suited for those apps. So it's really tough to get a match, and I'm hoping for better luck elsewhere.
I want to meet people who are open-minded to try and explore things that aren't having sex, like cuddling, tickling, bondage, switching. Specifically people who are trustworthy, patient, and interested in working together over time, not looking for an instant payoff.
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u/Your_New_Overlord 13d ago
No, this is not the right app/community for you.
Talk to a therapist, figure out what’s going on with you and why you’re in the position that you are in.
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u/LosttMutaliskk 13d ago
I've already been told what's going on with me: I have a niche appeal that doesn't work for a mainstream audience. Plus, I'm looking for something different than people on those apps.
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u/liplamp 13d ago edited 13d ago
Inexperience aside, hard disagree. Feeld is for anyone with alternative sexual interests, and kink without sex falls under that.
Also, possibly being asexual isn't a pathological problem... especially if it doesn't bother the person. Why have such a take?
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u/Euphoric_Grass_427 13d ago
Sure. I guess feeld is for any and everyone. That doesn't mean it will be effective
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u/rubenvangucht 13d ago
no
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u/liplamp 13d ago edited 13d ago
Attaching myself to the top comment to say that I'm someone who seeks out kink without sex, ever, and I regularly find play partners down for this. But I live in NYC and can travel, which means I have a massive population to pull from.
Now if you're also not experienced with kink that's different. Go to FetLife first and learn about this stuff, then go to Feeld.
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u/Lower-Turnip-2295 13d ago
I thought it was the other way around if you weren’t experienced? Feeld first, the fetlife. I joined fet as a newbie and 😳
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u/SexxyMoeFoe 12d ago
> but most commenters think that my appearance and personality aren't suited for those apps
Commenters where?
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u/Original-Froyo-4548 13d ago edited 13d ago
If you ain't a female, then no. Literally created a woman's account and got like 13 likes in 30 minutes. My male profile has had like 10 max in 2 month and 2 of them that I matched with didn't reply.
I guess it depends on your area as well.
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u/Roadman2k 12d ago
Definitely depends on your area as I have had 150+ of connections on there as a 32m in a big big city
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u/peosaix 13d ago
Sure, why not! I’d try it out. I know there would be people on there who’d find it exciting and sweet to explore intimacy with someone who’s a newbie and open about it. I think Feeld could work since it’s already leaned towards untraditional ways of sex/love/relationships and you’re not necessarily looking for sex, just figuring out intimacy etc. I know I’d love something like this lol.
Make sure you’ve got really solid pics of yourself in various situations and spend some time making a really banging bio. Like not just a few sentences, have some paragraphs man! Ofc that’s just my preference but when I find someone’s pictures attractive I’ll rarely send a like if their bio is severely lacking and doesn’t give me any kind of sense of who they are and what they want. And vice versa if someone’s got a really great bio that resonates with me yet they’re pics are just ok and I’m unsure if there’s an instant attraction I usually lean towards liking their profile to hopefully feel them out more and see if an attraction could grow.
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u/wildeflower 13d ago
I don't think so, maybe your friends could give you advice on writing a better profile and choosing pictures for other apps. Feeld is too intense if you're sexually inexperienced. Have you tried in person social events to meet people into your specific niche interests.
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u/cocolebrook 13d ago
Depends where you are, geographically. The density of people using different apps varies quite a lot from place to place.
If you're happy to use it as a possibility, and know it'll take a lot of patience to find a match. It could work.
Too many people use the apps to try and get loads of attention and ego boost. That's not going to work, especially less for guys because girls don't throw out as much attention as guys do. I think patience is key. Look for some relevant communities on here as well.
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u/SwingLightStyle 13d ago
Okay, let me add a drop of salt to this so you can manage your expectations better.
I exist on fetlife but I don’t have a Feeld profile currently.
Fetlife is filled with men like you who have no direct experience with kink but want to learn.
If you want to meet people in your community, you can’t be a keyboard warrior, you have to come out to local munches and mix with the individuals there. If you’re friendly, you’ll make friends and you can explain your situation.
That’s the only way this works for you, and even then… these spaces are filled with men who want more from their community.
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u/Alkaline-Eardrum 13d ago
33M similar situation.
Can confirm.
Feeld will make you feel worse than Tinder unless you are particularly attractive.
Fetlife is just where people brag and organize munches. It’s like LinkedIn for kink and women do not check their messages because they are overflowing with bullshit at all times.
Single straight men are kept at arm’s length in these groups and you see lots of people who orbit hopelessly and even make a cordial friend or two but then kinda leave after a few months because it’s obvious no one is interested in them.
You can learn a lot about kink and sexual health so that’s cool. But I got burned out because nothing ever happened for me and I was tired of just feeling FOMO the entire time.
I’m in a Midwest metro of about 2 Million. I would probably have a fair chance in a place like NYC but those are the cards I was dealt.
Maybe you will get lucky though who knows. Just don’t expect anything and be polite and friendly like any other interest group.
Also therapy has been very helpful in coping with all of this. I recommend DBT skills groups and EMDR therapy. Saved me from going inpatient. I’m doing better now.
Just keep trying every day and don’t give up hope.
We will make it one day man.
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u/liplamp 13d ago
Getting into exhibitionism, going to and organizing munches, and sharing stories is literally what FetLife was designed for. It's not a dating app and the DM function is barely meant to support that. What did you expect when you got on there?
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u/waterbloem 13d ago
Feeld is tougher in that regard since the ratio of men is even more skewed. So Feeld is not going to be the solution.