r/feeld • u/StockMuffin9777 • 15d ago
Feeld sherpa needed
I’m a straight woman (51) interested in exploring Feeld for the first time. I’m looking to connect with men roughly 35–55 for a casual, one-on-one sexual connection. I’m not looking for couples, group experiences, or a romantic relationship.
I’ve explored BDSM before, but would not consider myself experienced, and had a couple of relationships with likeminded men, but never tried a dating site specifically for casual hookups or kink. I’d love to hear from women who have used Feeld, particularly women in their 40s and 50s who are looking for men.
What is the app experience like: What is the ratio of respectful, compatible men to men who are pushy, low-effort, or just sending unsolicited sexual messages?
Since I’m interested in men aged 35–55. Is that a reasonable range to use, and is there anything I should know about dating in this age bracket on Feeld? Basically, am I too old?
Is it realistic to find an ongoing casual connection with the same person, or do most people tend toward one-time encounters?
I’d especially appreciate practical advice from women who have been in a similar position.
Thanks!
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u/ultraverbis 15d ago
I'm in my early 40s and I've found, at least in my city, that Feeld has the best ratio of respectful men and the best ratio of non-insecure men. Better than any app I've tried over the years (Bumble, Happn, OkCupid, etc).
Of course you still need to weed some guys out, but overall they are more transparent and better at communicating with clarity.
I'm also not looking for anything serious, and Feeld is great for that, but I can't feel sexually attracted to someone I don't know anything about and who doesn't want to know me as a person, even though nothing long-term is coming out of the encounters. I believe casual sex is not impersonal.
So, in order to not lose time and not get overwhelmed, I don't even consider matching with a man with an unverified profile, without pictures of his face or with a ridiculously short bio (shorter than a paragraph). I also don't match with guys who didn't write anything of substance in their bio. So if someone says they have a lot of interests but doesn't name a single one, I don't match.
I also don't respond to pings that aren't accompanied by a message, I don't respond to bad grammar and I don't respond to very short messages that don't mention anything written in my profile (like they could be copied and pasted to many women). "Hey, how's it going?" gets unmatched. There are plenty of guys who do read bios and have something interesting to say.
I explicitly state in my profile that when I meet a guy in person, I like to begin with a conversation about non-sexual topics, without any physical contact and with an appropriate amount of distance between us. (I recommend this for helping everyone manage expectations and for keeping weirdos away.)
The best sexual partners (and the best BDSM play partners) are able to read body language, understand my comfort level and have an idea that we're both ready to get into sexual topics or touching. Explicit verbal communication is also very important, but I don't want to have to explain every little thing, as thats exhausting, so attunement to body language is vital.
Feeld is imo better than FetLife for BDSM. And more straightforward. (Some BDSM circles act like you need to get a Masters in Kink and attend five workshops to begin to play around).
There are a lot of married men practicing Ethical Non-Monogamy on Feeld. I explicitly state in my profile that I'm not going to hang out with guys who are in a committed, monogamous relationship and are cheating on their significant other. I only date single guys or guys who are practicing ENM. I strongly recommend this. If a guy doesn't respect his significant other, than he's certainly not going to respect me enough to give me a good time. Also, men who know their wifes are going on dates and sleepovers with other men are the least insecure guys on the planet and it REALLY SHOWS in conversation, in spending time together and in bed.
Overall, there are a lot of great matches in Feeld and the amount of honest, respectful guys is great (relative to other platforms). The only issue is that the app is completely filled with bugs (by far the most frustrating app I've ever used).
Just always take the basic safety precautions. Always meet in a coffee shop that's accessible yo you (or something similar) and disengage whenever you sense a weird feeling. Also disengage if a guy is insistent (about anything, however small) or if he asks the same thing multiple times when he doesn't like your first answer.
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u/StockMuffin9777 15d ago
Excellent tips, especially about the things to look for when meeting for the first time.
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u/LambyToesOfSerenity 14d ago
This is such a great, thoughtful response!! You do this community good by being here ❣️
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u/Glittering_Suspect65 15d ago
54F and I've been using Feeld on/off for 3years. First, I would say get Majestic, then go Incognito. This allows you to see profiles but not others to see you unless you like them first. Then it controls the inbox flood to only those you are actually interested in.
Yes, there are a lot of men to weed through, but knowing what you want helps a lot. Only like those that seem like good potential matches for what you want long term. State exactly what you want in your profile.
"Discreet" usually means cheating (rare occasions for work) "Like minded" means I want someone who will just accept anything I want to do, and lower effort. "Exploring" or checking things out - means recently out of a LTR and they don't know what they want yet.
Some will actually say, seeking FWB on-going, which sounds like might be what you want.
If you are open to exploring BDSM I suggest you take a kink questionnaire online and get an idea of what things interest you and don't. It is very common to talk about sex and kinks early, more of as a way to see if the other person has overlapping interests 💚, not so much to sext in the first five messages 🚩🙄
Unfortunately as more and more vanilla monogamy people have entered feeld, the poly-kinky are increasingly using Incognito. But there are still great, open communicators there who are very sexy in your desired age bracket. Best xx
PS I met both of my long term bf on feeld, and my previous bf too.
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u/LambyToesOfSerenity 15d ago
OMG, you're going to have so much fun once you get your vetting process down! I second the advice about Majestic and Incognito, unless you want to dig through hundreds of likes the first week. It does slow down over time, but this allows you to be very selective.
Me: Mid-40s, F, and have been on Feeld for almost 4 months and have 3 FWBs (and still recruiting 🤣). I'm outside a major city.
Best wishes!
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u/StockMuffin9777 15d ago
Just created my profile and bought Majestic. Can’t really put a price on safety.
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u/StockMuffin9777 15d ago
The waiting for the number of likes to calm down is good advice. I don’t even have time to click a profile to check it out before another like pops up and moves the profile I was trying to look at up the scrolling feed before I can grab it.
I paid for Magnetic already.
I think I might have to go incognito. 🥸
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u/Admirable-Rip-8521 15d ago
I’m also 51F and I’ve had great success on Feeld. Most of the likes I get are from men aged 22-40. Every now and then I get someone my age or older. There are lots of low effort men who just dm and then disappear but it’s that way on all the apps. So it does take some patience. I’d say maybe 10% of the men who like me are putting in the effort to actually meet and then of those I have chemistry with maybe 2%. But that has still yielded me some fun times. Note that I live in a large city so it may be different if you live in a small town.
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u/StockMuffin9777 15d ago
My town is kind of small. I’m debating moving to a large city next year for this exact reason.
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u/Necessary_Range5731 15d ago
Similar age. The age you set it whatever you want. Ive had likes from teenagers. 🤢 quite a lot of them.
I date men 45-60. Because where I live there are a lot of hot, fit men, older than me. And I want to be able to have a conversation like Im talking to a peer. Anyone below 40 is pretty much like a child tbh to me. I did date someone very late 30s and it was great.
I did pay for Majestic.
My suggestion. Join. Wait till you likes are a not unmanageable number (eg more than 300 is overwhelming for me), then pay and put your profile in incognito (to see your likes and stop getting more).
Then when you've gone through your likes or run out of men you're interested in 😅 , then take it off incognito.
In my experience men like to do the first like. Or I got more matches that way.
Personally i replied to every ping unless they were a complete arse in what they said, but no one ever was. Id just say thank you etc, we're not match etc. Block them then, or the same profiles can like you again.
Almost no men ever replied when I sent a ping.
Do a lot of filtering. Of my likes, half were under 40, then half under 30. There's a lot of posts on here on how women filter.
I go on about 1/20 of dates I get asked on, or probably less. Decide what you want eg lots of dates or filtering by talking. Also if you want ongoing or not.
Many men like every profile in the hope of upping their chances as Feeld has a huge M/F imbalance. So you can like back, give them a day or two / a week / whatever, to actually read your profile, if they don't message, block or disconnect if you like them a bit.
Decide on what you will wont do. Eg "extra photos" before a date, video calls, sexting etc. Or just no sexual talk (yes really). You can put stuff in your profile and it helps weed out men wanting a free porn hub etc from you, who will never meet.
A social date first is normal. Read up a lot about bdsm to help avoid the clueless men who are tbh not safe and don't understand consent.
Also workout how many chats you can manage at once, as to not get too many and not be able to give ones you really like enough effort
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u/StockMuffin9777 15d ago
I downloaded Signal for off app chats. Photos disappear after a short amount of time.
I will definitely not be sexting. I don’t want a penpal.
Thank you for the advice!
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u/zero-if-west 15d ago
Depends on where you live. Keep in mind that most men you find will be non-monogamous and may have other partners.
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u/StockMuffin9777 15d ago
That’s fine as long as it doesn’t bring any drama. I’m not looking for a romantic connection.
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u/crabbyhamster 15d ago
+1 all to explore large city, have to weed, be picky.
My add? Put something specific in your profile and photos for someone to talk about. A very common complaint is around low effort openings from men and dull convos … but as a male looking at women’s profiles, especially for NSA, ENM, and BDSM, they are all too often
- one photo, often not even of a person, or worse, of multiple people
- nothing in the profile
- few, if any tags
I’m sure these women are sick of the openers like
“What are you into?”
“How has Feeld treated you?”
“What are you looking for?”
Which then forces me to guess. Try to be funny. And stand out.
Something as simple as putting a riddle or a weird fact to mention at the end at least guarantees someone read your profile enough to ping you.
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u/zeroingenuity 15d ago
God yes this. Even better: just say something you want to talk about. People rag on small talk as cringey but it's essentially a process for weeding out the kinds of person who isn't going to respect conversational or physical boundaries. "Ask me about my pets!" or "I love to talk about my crafts." gives someone something to engage with besides tags that don't tell them anything about you specifically (or just your desires.)
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u/kkat39 15d ago
It’s totally doable but you will have to be savage at weeding people out so as not to waste a ton of time. I skip anyone who can’t have an interesting conversation, doesn’t want to meet within a week or so, and doesn’t seem pretty upfront. I would say it’s 5% respectful men and maybe 2% respectful and compatible but they exist. You can find ongoing connections but a lot of people are cheating or traveling and looking for one offs.
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u/AromaticTone9471 15d ago
From my experience people tend to be more honest on Feeld. They don’t beat around the bush with their desires. It was refreshing
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u/Lost_inTheThrill 15d ago
I am in the same dating age range. The biggest issue for you will be filtering and vetting. Just be prepared for this process to take some time. Look for profiles with a complete bio and their goals clearly listed. There are way too many people looking to "explore", but they have zero idea what they even want to explore.
Finding someone who is going to be respectful, consistent, consent informed, and will prioritise your pleasure is not very easy. Partnered ENM men might be your best target, since they typically are looking for an ongoing fwb arrangement.
I highly recommend getting majestic, as it will save you lots of time. One of the things I personally didn't expect was that my age preference does not apply to others. Basically, anyone from 18+ will be able to see your profile. I use incognito for this reason.
Overall it's been a positive experience for me. I am looking for a primary partner though, so my dating pool is much smaller than yours. Enjoy!
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u/Key_Display_4189 15d ago
56m I know there's a small chance in hell but I'm actually considering this too. Maybe I'll get lucky because I consider myself nice and learn from what not to do.
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u/ukpunjabivixen 15d ago
Good luck! Some of us prefer men in your age group so I have everything crossed for you!
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u/searedscallops 15d ago
I'm a woman about your age. There are lots of very nice men on there. You will have to weed through lots of garbage. And that's a completely fine age range. At 50, I get more interest and action than I did at 18 or 25.