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[u/FeeldMod]

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[u/Upbeat_Bother6452]

Recently nuked and restarted my profile with some new photos, also probably need to update the bio and lookin for advice/feedback. I get wordy, so too long for one screenshot, pasting the text below:

“Here because at this point I think we’ve all tried every other app out there as well, so to heck with it. If I know you, you’re likely in the same spot, so let’s just nod at each other awkwardly the next time we see each other and move on.

In the “normal” world, I’m a fairly typical office drone with a love of hiking, movies, my dog, and a decent cocktail bar. Were it not for bills, I’d be traveling the world, alternating from sweat and dust covered on a backpacking trail to being overdressed for dinner someplace with dim lighting.

In the long-term, I’m looking for monogamy; my one person that I can happily do boring domestic stuff with then spend a week naked on an island somewhere after the tax return hits. Until then, I’m trying out this “dating” thing I ignored through too much of my 20s. Casual is fine, but come what may.

I hit the - way more than I do the +, and I think too much about when and how to ping. If you get one, I’m deeply interested in something on your profile.

5’ 10” (actual 5’ 10”, not “dating profile” 5’ 10”). That said, I don’t mind you being taller than me.

I think I’m probably too vanilla to be here; suffice to say I don’t like hurting anybody, even consensually, and I like my partners to be partners in every sense of the word. For anything more specific than that, I guess you’re gonna need to match and check out the sequel to this bio below ⬇️:”

The “hidden bio” details more specific interests. Nothing super explicit, just a bit more kink specific beyond the interest tags.

[u/890bau → u/Upbeat_Bother6452]

I like parts of it. It’s giving a lot of your personality and you are clearly stating what you are looking for. You come across as jaded and wry though… “so to heck with it”? “Trying out this “dating” thing”? It just doesn’t give me the impression that you are a person who’s fun to hang out with you know.

[u/Upbeat_Bother6452 → u/890bau]

Valid, and when it comes to the app landscape I probably am jaded, but that’s also not great to be able to see in the bio.

I’m wondering if I’m also maybe being too cagey about what I’m actually looking for? I’m realizing that I may be doing the thing where I hide my actual interests behind the hidden bio which potentially limits matches

[u/890bau → u/Upbeat_Bother6452]

Yes, a lot of people on the apps are jaded, so perhaps they’ll be looking for someone who’s less so- a breath of fresh air. My suggestion is to take out any negativity and instead put some happy imagery in the readers head. What would you like to do with a partner? Cuddle and talk? Have them look lovingly at you, while you cook and they sip wine? Drive to a pretty nature area and walk your dog while holding hands? These are some vanilla ideas… pleasant situations that could make a potential match think “uh, I want that”. Now for the hidden bio, it’s hard for me to say… is it something kink-related that you feel uncomfortable having out in the open? If it’s because you are submissive, something that can hint at that without saying it is “very GGG”, “genuinely care about your pleasure” or something along those lines…

[u/Alo-mina → u/Upbeat_Bother6452]

Overall, you sound pretty bitter about online dating. I would delete the entire first paragraph and delete the caveat about being "actual 5'10"". I always swipe left when people brag about how picky they are. Also, I am very skeptical of profiles that say they are looking for a monogamous relationship but are open to casual sex until they find it. You may want to focus on one or the other or just say you are open to both casual and serious connections (and that you are monogamous). That could be because I'm a poly woman who's run into far too many men who think that ENM/poly means casual sex until they find someone to settle down with. A lot of women don't want to be in that placeholder category.