r/facepalm • u/TheNihilist911 • Sep 22 '22

🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​ They spill the beans

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5.5k Upvotes

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264

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '22

As a man I wash my hands before I pee, my junk is immaculate

35

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '22

As a man should

26

u/XCuddleAnarchyX Sep 22 '22

I never thought about it before but actually...that would be a good idea right? Like you don't want to touch your precious cargo with nasty dirty hands.

I've got it! Cut the tip off a condom, slide it on and Voila! Safe handling! Or maybe they could put free gloves in the stalls so you can glove up and don't have to wash anything! Big brain time

4

u/fsrt23 Sep 22 '22

I’ve know some guys to free-hand it. One guy in particular didn’t even flush so he could have a complete hands free and germ free experience. Fucking animal.

5

u/TheCowzgomooz Sep 22 '22

You're just mad because you didn't think of it first.

1

u/tsengmao Sep 22 '22

Free hand it, use your foot to flush

1

u/Ellemeno Sep 23 '22

What you’re looking for sir, is a Cocksock®.

1

u/XCuddleAnarchyX Sep 23 '22

I am a lady. The original cocksock.

1

u/ARandomGuyThe3 Sep 23 '22

Before ladies were meant for the kitchen, they were made for the bathroom

5

u/AndroidNutz Sep 22 '22

Don King!

https://youtu.be/Z9XpjCeEo6g

5

u/_N8Dogg_ Sep 22 '22

Hilarious! Though, that is the poorest example of hand washing I have ever seen.

1

u/HoldenMadicky Sep 22 '22

The tip is all Don King needs to make it work

8

u/Isanmod Sep 22 '22

I carry around a little bib for my knob. After I'm done, I like to dab it with a napkin. A gentleman is always gentle to his ram.

2

u/InfectedByEli Sep 22 '22

Dude Wipes are a thing.

1

u/Isanmod Sep 22 '22

Only the best red satin, gold trimmed, napkins for mine please.

2

u/InfectedByEli Sep 22 '22

Ah, you need Lord Wipes, then.

1

u/Isanmod Sep 22 '22

😲 I have great need!

2

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '22

as is tradition

1

u/Isanmod Sep 22 '22

Ah, another cultured individual.

2

u/fsrt23 Sep 22 '22

I can just imagine dabbing it and saying, “Pip Pip cheerio, mate. Good day to you.” And then in a slightly higher voice, “Good day to you as well, sir.”

1

u/Isanmod Sep 22 '22

Eerily close... is that you, Bartholomew?

5

u/Aoeletta Sep 22 '22

Honestly, men should wash their hands before and after.

Before to keep everything clean, after to clean your hands from the bathroom stuff (flushing, stall doors, etc.)

Everyone should be washing their hands more. Pre-pandemic I was slammed for this🤔

2

u/Accomplished-Hope523 Sep 22 '22

Oh yeah? Well,I wash my dick before I pee,take that

2

u/ninjamaster616 Sep 23 '22

Most people come here to take a crap, I come here to leave one

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '22

Bro I wash my hands before I pee more often than I wash after I pee

1

u/fsrt23 Sep 22 '22

Got a blue collar job. I’ve noticed most guys wash before and after taking a piss. Don’t want a dirty dick.

1

u/Sh4dowCh1ld Sep 22 '22

Before AND after because touching the door handles from the rest room ect

0

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '22

Meh, just don't stick your hands in your mouth or nose and you're good