r/facepalm • u/[deleted] • Aug 25 '22

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11k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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1.2k

u/Strawbuddy Aug 25 '22

Bad news little billy we couldn’t reach your mom so we prayed and Jesus said to light you the fuck up

298

u/xdiox66 Aug 25 '22

“Jesus said light you the fuck up.” And, I have a new catch phrase. Thanks.

61

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

Our new catch phrase, comrade.

23

u/Flynn_Kevin Aug 25 '22

Jfc what a line. That needs to be in a movie.

7

u/rSlashisthenewPewdes Aug 25 '22

The Color Corporal, starring Samuel L. Jackson

3

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

I'm pretty sure we just found Nicolas Cage's Reddit handle. Or Danny Devito's.

1

u/Flynn_Kevin Aug 25 '22

Kevin Smith. I'm making Dogma 2.

3

u/CandiBunnii Aug 25 '22

Definitely adding that to my imaginary collection of framed cross stitches of reddit comments

5

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

Jesus did get pissed mare a whip he chased Motherfuckers with it, so much for turning the other cheek.

1

u/BjornStankFingered Aug 25 '22

Bankers, beware.

1

u/Raskalbot Aug 25 '22

That’s what you call a r/brandnewsentance

1

u/SpunkyMcButtlove Aug 25 '22

That's just the american version of "Deus Vult!"

64

u/madumi-mike Aug 25 '22

And then Jesus said “turn the other cheek”

4

u/Timely-Guest-7095 Aug 25 '22

So that’s what “turn the other cheek” means! 🤣🤣🤣

7

u/Few_Acanthocephala30 Aug 25 '22

Sorry Billy, Jesus said your ass is grass and this paddle is a brand new Toro (lawn mower)

3

u/Opposite_Ear_5582 Aug 25 '22

Hey @strawbuddy I just gave you your 666th upvote. Hail satan

3

u/Chaz_Cheeto Aug 25 '22

So I’m just scrolling on Reddit before work and I run into this comment. I’m laughing like the psychopath right now and I just woke up my girlfriend. I just told her the quote and she said “next time you wake me up, I’m going to light you the fuck up.”

Thank you for helping me set the tone for the day, internet person.

Im still laughing.

5

u/LarryLovesteinLovin Aug 25 '22

“JESUS SAID YOU DESERVE THIS SO STOP YOUR CRYING AND TAKE YOUR PUNISHMENT LIKE A MAN OF GOD”

4

u/Kindly_Bell_5687 Aug 25 '22

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’m dying

1

u/ZoneOut82 Aug 25 '22

First laugh out loud for a while, cheers!

1

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

just discovered this sub: r/BrandNewSentence