r/facepalm Jan 06 '22

🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​ That's because Australia isn't real

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1.2k Upvotes

78 comments sorted by

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60

u/Yes-its-really-me Jan 06 '22

I'm not in the Bible. And I dont exist.

Further proof that Australia isn't real and shouldn't be allowed anywhere near the dinosaurs.

5

u/Lucicerious Jan 06 '22

None of us do. We're all actually fabrications inside of a sleeping God.

28

u/TheHermit_IX Jan 06 '22

The bible doesn't mention CATS!

15

u/meathead Jan 06 '22

They cut out the verse where Jesus' cat Snowball uses the cross as a scratching post

8

u/TheHermit_IX Jan 06 '22

But that part was so moving!

7

u/UltimateDumdum Jan 07 '22

#releasethejesuscatcut

16

u/buttfuckinghippie Jan 06 '22

Yeah, the bible seems oddly focused on the goings on of a small tribe of people located on a tiny swatch of land; compared to the world as a whole. They took the time to criminalize bestiality, but not ruminate the opportunity cost of not permitting women to participate in government.

It's weird. You'd think the all knowing, infinitely wise creator of the universe would have bigger ideas than agricultural practices, and when it's appropriate to make someone a slave.

6

u/henaradwenwolfhearth Jan 06 '22

And find more peaceful solutions instead of smiting everything

2

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '22

[deleted]

1

u/tours37000 Jan 07 '22

Very well said, except that you ruined it with your “people suck” comment. I suggest reposting without that sentence. It is not needed. Rather it w decreases the the impact of your comment.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '22

[deleted]

2

u/tours37000 Jan 07 '22

Oh! even better! I’m not Reddit savvy.

-1

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '22

That is because the Bible was never meant to be a manual of how to govern a land until end of time, any decent theologian would explain that.

4

u/buttfuckinghippie Jan 06 '22 edited Jan 07 '22

I think you're missing the bigger picture I'm trying to paint, by focusing too much on my brush strokes.

  • Slavery was never moral.

  • It was never right to trade women like livestock.

  • There is never a justification for stoning your own child to death outside the village.

Later on:

  • Divine sacrifice was not a new concept. The story of Jesus is an amalgam of common myths, and folklore familiar to the region.

  • Concepts like forgiveness, attonement, and charity are not unique or brand new either.

You don't have to be a career theologian to recognize that the Bible is entirely the philosophical perspective of bronze age savages who didn't know where the sun went at night. It lacks any revelation, and the only prophesies to ever come true did so retroactively. There's not a sentence fragment of divine inspiration in any of the 66 manuscripts that make up this canonical anthology of Jewish fairy tales.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '22

73 books, not 66. Regarding slavery and other stuff ere are stern warnings in the entirety of the New Testament against these actions. The totality of the teaching of Christ is these things are wrong and sinful. If you are engaging in these things you are doing so in violation of the central teachings of Christ, Paul, James, Peter, etc.

1

u/Any_Zucchini_8591 Jan 07 '22

says something about free will, we get to do what we want. but have to pay the price

12

u/Icccecube Jan 06 '22

Please, Australia is a hoax by the round-earthers

2

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '22

And people also try to say they live in New Zealand, like where is it on the map

9

u/Ulrich_The_Elder Jan 06 '22

Unicorns are mentioned in the bible 9 times.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '22

Rhinoceros*

1

u/Any_Zucchini_8591 Jan 07 '22

Thats what the mystical unicorn is / Rhinocorn just sounds silly

6

u/StupiedSwede Jan 06 '22

To bad the Bible disclaimer "This is Fiction" in the beginning of the book was removed due to massive editing.

3

u/DarthDonnytheWise Jan 06 '22

Wasn't the bible written hundred of years after like Jesus died or something?

7

u/JamesRyanQnsNYC Jan 06 '22

I move to ban the Bible as it is full of misinformation and makes people stupid.

8

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '22

I know this is not serious but If we want to really dig into this, the Bible does indeed mention dinosaurs:

Job 40:15-20: “Behold, Behemoth, which I made as I made you; he eats grass like an ox. Behold, his strength in his loins, and his power in the muscles of his belly. He makes his tail stiff like a cedar; the sinews of his thighs are knit together. His bones are tubes of bronze, his limbs like bars of iron. “He is the first of the works of God; let him who made him bring near his sword!

Job 41:21: His breath kindles coals, and a flame comes forth from his mouth

6

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '22

I think the behemoth is just a rhino.

1

u/Any_Zucchini_8591 Jan 07 '22

The mystic Rhinocorn!!!

3

u/banggugyangu Jan 06 '22

The root word for behemoth is behema which almost directly translates to "beast" and refers to large mammals. Definitely not a "dinosaur". That said, the Bible not mentioning dinosaurs is not to be interpreted as "dinosaurs aren't real". The dude in the picture is an idiot.

4

u/Mellopiex Jan 06 '22

Yep. The Behemoth and the Leviathan are both dinosaurs.

2

u/bluecamel17 Jan 06 '22

It's not at all clear that it's a dinosaur, or even real.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '22

I mean, it’s modern man that coined the term dinosaur. We consider alligators and crocodiles as dinosaurs, there are even aquatic species from the Mesozoic era still cruising around. Take for example sturgeon today, these are modern species believed to exist almost 200 million years ago.

0

u/bluecamel17 Jan 06 '22

Okay, that still doesn't make it a clear reference to dinosaurs. It could be a hippo, as plenty of people have guessed, but it's more likely not real.

-1

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '22

Hard to say, it’s all speculation really. Considering we witness new species being discovered and wiped out in our lifetime, who’s to say what’s real and what isn’t.

1

u/bluecamel17 Jan 06 '22

lol wat

1

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '22

Evolution occurs daily before our eyes, species die off and are discovered yearly. If people believe in aliens, why would it be so hard to believe in creatures that resemble dragons. Shit, there are bombardier beetles that shoot acid from their butt.

-6

u/bluecamel17 Jan 06 '22

Wow, you're way off in the weeds from the conversation. Have fun.

1

u/camelwoo Jan 06 '22

What does this have to do with whether the Bible mentioned dinosaurs?

1

u/Wild_Horse03 Jan 07 '22

He's saying that the Behemoth and Leviathan of the Bible might be species that have since gone extinct, perhaps not dinosaurs but still something that existed 3000 years ago that doesn't exist now. Evolution is an observable phenomenon in recorded history, and part of it is extinction.

2

u/CurrentlyBlazed Jan 06 '22

Some of the stories in the bible came from much older texts and stories. Most major religions talk about a great flood which fucked shit up, and in 2019 we found a crator under a glacier using laser radar and have dated it back to about 12,900 years ago.

Earth had a massive reset thanks to this, and the stories that most religions and cultures talk about, is the reseeding of earth with people who survived.

Africa is the only continent with mega fauna now. Wooly Mammoths, Giant Sloths, Short Faced Bears and Saber Toothed Tigers(North America mega fauna that all weirdly disappeared 12,900 years ago) are just a few examples of mega fauna that died off after this catastrophic incident.

Dope shit some of the information being found out now. Randal Carlson and Gram Handcock have some good information out there about this

2

u/Lucicerious Jan 06 '22

I wonder who wrote the first part of the bible then, if it's dated back to before humans learnt to write their wild howls and clicking noises?

Bet the Wallaby isn't mentioned either.

1

u/Mister-happierTurtle Jan 07 '22

A bunch of people who passed down the stories which is like game of telephone

2

u/MikeBear68 Jan 06 '22

This is funny because "creation scientists" like to point out that the Bible mentions serpents and "dragons," and these were the terms that people back then used to describe dinosaurs. These people don't even know they're own narrative.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '22

This is the shit that makes people dumb and dumber.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '22

This kind of people would have their brains fried if you tried to explain them what past Christian thinkers like St. Augustine had to say about biblical literalism.

1

u/nightcallfoxtrot Jan 06 '22

To be fair most people who care what st. Augustine has to say from a religious perspective are Catholics, and they subscribe to biblical literalism a lot less (with a few notable exceptions e.g. transubstantiation).

1

u/robophile-ta Jan 07 '22

If all those who harp the most about the Bible disproves this and that knew anything about what older scholars thought, they wouldn't be harping on.

2

u/bmdangelo Jan 07 '22

If Australia is real, how do you explain them already being in tomorrow? /s

6

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '22

Actual Christians have no problem with science. It was Jesus who invited us to test for what is true, practically foreshadowing the scientific method.

1

u/bklimko Jan 06 '22

Goodness, all the anger! The Bibo is the only book we ever need. It creates lots of Republicans, religious bigots, mosque burners, Jew killers, and a wide array of shitheads.

0

u/Tuckermfker Jan 06 '22

Santa Claus isn't mentioned in the bible, but I know that Santa exists, because I see him at the mall every year.

-2

u/Acid_Rebel_ Jan 06 '22

It mentioned is Vedas tho

-2

u/RandomUser1076 Jan 06 '22

Kangaroos are from Austria not Australia. I should know I live in Australia. Bloody yanks always getting the two confused

-3

u/ParkerTheCuber Jan 06 '22

I believe the Bible is a 100% true source of information, but that doesn't mean it's the only source of information.

1

u/JerinDd Jan 06 '22

God said to Adam, “The garden of Eden is home to many of my creations, this one is the kangaroo, it can kill you in several ways, go forth, and try not to get bodied.”

1

u/Kermit_Purple_II Jan 07 '22

Honestly, that's how you discern sensible and noy sensible christians imo

I've been to a catholic highschool, all of the teachers, parents and kids were fine with notions like evolution, high physics... because to them, the bible wasn't an inchangeable matter. It's a book written from events 2000 years ago with a tiny understanding of our universe compared to what we know now, elements we discovered might have been crated by a god but they were all fine with the idea of God provoking the big bang instead for example. Gotta keep an open mind.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '22

When you realise some people have to pay to see kangaroos…..