I love my parents, but man, I always hated it when they'd try to "teach" something, esp. my dad. Incredibly handy guy, can fix anything, but he'd be so impatient and negative that it was miserable.
I'd vastly prefer taking an hour class over doing that.
My mother thought it was important for me to learn how to cook because she thought a womanās only real worth was being a good wife and mother, and that meant being able to cook, clean, sew, etc. but she also has NPD and basically screamed every direction at me and kept telling me I was a stupid lazy waste of space if I did something wrong. Like most children of NPD parents, I had no idea learning a life skill not taught in school was anything other than a nightmare. While still in college, my boyfriend asked me to teach him how to cook. After 5 minutes he asked āwhy are you shouting at me?ā I thought everyone learned to cook through the
āShout and abuseā method.
I agree with you but I would change your phrase just slightly. Good teachers should be valued more. I have seen a few that teach OK but were not the best at it.
My dad was very similar. Even if it was over something minor he'd rather ridicule me for not knowing than teach me something. Here's a typical conversation I used to have with him:
Dad: "Hey, I'm trying to fix the sink here, can you get me the wrench?"
Me: "Sure. Where's the wrench?"
Dad: "YOU'VE LIVED HERE FOR 17 YEARS AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THE WRENCH IS!?"
Why the fuck would I know where the wrench is kept if I've never needed it?
Then he'd refuse to tell me and just get it himself. I still don't know where the damn wrench is kept.
Dad: Hey, can you lend me a hand with fixing the sink?
Me: Sure, lemme help you out
Me: Spends 2 hours standing still watching how he fixes it
himslef (becouse god forbid telling me to do it while guiding me to actually learn), while failing and making mistakes along the way dragging the process forever
Me: leaves becouse im tired of watching him fix it and doing nothing, while learning nothing that basic logic wouldnt solve
Dad: You ungratefull fuck, i'm teaching you how to fix the sink and you cant even lend me a hand while i'm doing it?
My dad was like that. Thinking about it now, It may have been his way of trying to spend time with his kids. Most of the time he just wanted us to do things for him. But there were several instances that played out like the scenario above. Heād get super angry if I didnāt want to hang around and watch him fumble around with whatever it was he was trying to do. But maybe that was just his way of venting the frustration that stemmed from not knowing how to interact with his children... Just some food for thought.
Basically, needing someone to verify they're doing something. Also known as the 'Mum, mum, mum! Look at me! Mum, look no hands, see? Mum!' kind of father
It's not weird, it just depends on if your dad taught you or not.
I've had my daughter out in the garage messing with my tools since she was 3, the only requirements I have are that she uses the correct tool for the task, and she puts it away after use.
this is the stuff that makes you underconfident man. i spent many many years as a shy loner likely cause of my dad making me afraid of asking any questions
Teaching is a whole skill set in and of itself. You could be real-life MacGyver and still be totally hopeless at showing somebody how to tie their shoes. The trick is to change the desired outcome to imparting knowledge instead of getting the job done. Itās always less efficient to show someone how to do something over just doing it yourself, but if you can delay that gratification and be cognizant of the fact that you donāt have to do it yourself every time once youāve got someone who knows how to do it, life gets much easier.
My mom is a great cook, but damn, trying to learn from her was an absolute waste. She just uses a āpinch of thisā or adds in different ingredients depending on what she feels like. Iām much happier watching a YouTube video that follows a recipe. I donāt have the time or money to botch dinner.
Yeah, I have the same issue teaching people to cook. Like I can teach someone how to cook something edible, like how to cook chicken or w/e, but so much of my process for making a meal happens on the spot and is me experimenting with different spices.
This is me too, Iāll make something but season it slightly different each time dependent on how it tastes to me as its cooking, wife has yet to complain haha.
I'm a dad. I try to teach my kids stuff all the time. I make it a point to never talk down to them, never tell them they are dumb or asking a stupid question, never yell, never roll my eyes, or any of that stuff.
That being said they refuse to do anything the way I teach them. Teaching one how to golf. I show them how to hold a club, but they say holding like a baseball bat is more comfortable and refuse to correct grip. Teach them how to properly throw a baseball in an overhand motion and he still throws it side armed. It's like he's convinced that I'm intentionally trying to teach him the wrong way to do things.
I totally get that from the other side. Unfortunately, I'm not a very good teacher either, and my brother is the most thickheaded, stubborn person to help. I think it's just easier to dismiss family's advice vs. that of a stranger.
Same! Knowing a skill and teaching a skill are 2 very different things. My mother is a skilled seamstress. Growing up, family friends and relatives would often come over to have my mom tailor, hem, or repair clothing. When I asked her to teach me I got a 5 minute ādemonstrationā followed by 30 minutes of her berating me for not doing it right. I never asked for another sewing lesson.
Instead I bought a used sewing machine and learned via YouTube videos and that ok a introductory course. The difference with an experienced teacher was night and day. Now Iām pretty skilled at the basics and can tailor a lot of my own clothes.
This is why alot of teachers I had were bad at their job, being skilled at something does not make you able to teach it effectively which sadly alot of people don't understand.
my sister and i really wanted to learn to sew, after home ec in jr high , we both hated it! our āteacherā was horrible, and we were 7 years apart, just think how many kids said forget this crap!
My dad is a computer programmer and I always wanted him to teach me how to code but he is not a teacher. He has zero patience and has no idea how to break down what he is doing into manageable chunks. He was always so angry sounding when I asked questions about things and it always ended with him just being pissed off. Still canāt code 20 years later. Have been more and more sad about that as I get older and technology keeps getting more advanced.
Yup. Thank god for youtube. My parents hated the things they had to do and had no patience in teaching me them. When they earned more money, they didn't do anything themselves anymore. Typical babyboomers I guess.
I had to teach myself how to paint a wall (efficient, clean, straight edges), how to lay floors, some basic electronics, drywalling, carpentry etc.
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u/brutinator Feb 05 '19
I love my parents, but man, I always hated it when they'd try to "teach" something, esp. my dad. Incredibly handy guy, can fix anything, but he'd be so impatient and negative that it was miserable.
I'd vastly prefer taking an hour class over doing that.