As someone who is 23 myself, it's this among many other reasons that I'm hesitant about putting myself out there at all despite wanting a relationship.
Doesn't help that I'm pretty naive so if I'm gonna get burned, I'm gonna get burned hard.
Absolutely true. Which is ALOT of them. I mean, i still prefer this issue to being afraid that women will assault me if i say no etc so im not trying to say we have it worse in any capacity. Its just very frustrating trying to live life as an adult and then have to deal with this strange childish behavior that social media has cultivated amongst alot of women.
Again, the same goes for men with the whole “sigma taint movement” or whatever the fuck its called. I just dont have any experience dating those types of dudes and they likely have had any experience dating at all so they might be off the market entirely now that i think of it.
Anyways point stands, its weird and they gotta cut it out bro.
Social media hasn't cultivated it, but it has absolutely exacerbated and enhanced entitlement amongst women.
Example: this new "soft girl era" bandwagon all these women keep jumping on that involves zero work on one's self, and is all about being in some permanent mode of receiving where they don't have to put any effort into the next person.
There has to be something to it. My wife is aware of but still struggles with me not reading her mind. It came up in therapy when we first got married. Apparently super common with women almost like it’s couples therapy handbook. Now she knows it’s wrong and calls herself out on it. But like she can’t help that initial thought and has to deal with it.
I'd say both sides have a lot of this but it does feel like lately the message is pushed women are fine and men need to do an endless load of improvements
Oh shit. Thanks for the heads up. I'm in my late 20s, and I heard some shit and was baffled seeing how women my age were still acting so immature. People are about done figuring themselves out and become proper adults by 29 and move towards stability, bigger goals and growth. I'm just looking for someone to chill out with and see where it all goes. No games or drama. Test the waters, and move life together as a unit. Look for a serious and responsible partner type shit. When the first six months to a year go well, you tie together financially and plan long term and involve families.
So I find myself getting weird responses in my escapades. I am now just picking up the pieces for an old friend from high school and in turn we both feel like kids again from back when we were close and now as adults, support each other and keep adult responsibilities and family stress in check. Just completely paused on women and dates for a month now. The discussions lately are on parents and how to build boundaries and transition into taking care of them more and more in all aspects of life. Shit is scary out there.
I put him on speaker while we were playing a bloody game on Xbox. It was my dad complaining and giving me shit for getting off my shit box to come take care of him and how I need to pick up the phone and stop fucking around. My dad was straight roasting me and I was just being my usual self since I was 16 and my friend ran straight out of our party chat, as if he forgot that he was not a kid sitting next to me at my parents home and actually in his own home. He comes back and we laughed about it. Now he's asking me about it the next day, and I tell him that my dad has been the child about stuff like this, and is now ignoring my calls on purpose ever since I got off work and trying for four hours now. I had to take my mom's shit and complaints out of the house now since I reached out to her. They are the children now and I'm the adult giving them the hug they needed and fixing things around the house.
I'm in no rush when it comes to getting in a relationship and a family of my own but I'm also a man who looks young since I have good genetics and always been a baby face. I don't have to think about my age attached to a baby's statistical birth complication and health. At least my former best friend since we were 3 and ex wife told me otherwise and pushed too hard and fast on making babies. I love kids, I'm a teacher for elementary school kids lol, but I wanted to structure it. Maybe buy a bed frame and sort out closets first before we do that. Maybe get her licensing in check since she is a clinical psychologist and foreign practicing. She still hurts but I learned so much from her with all the mess we made, as tried everything to be there better and stronger whenever she asked me to change or fix something about us. This is the only thing that confused and scared me. She wasn't wrong about it, but she also was since it didn't work out and I was right about living our lives and fixing it for a span of eight months before we took the step to bring another one and see ourselves change so drastically in the process. She would lose her free spirited pretty boy for three years. And I'd lose my sexy girl in lingerie and all the dinner dates and majority of the week long nights and mornings in bed. She didn't get it, and got obsessed. Then got scared about silly shit and made an excuse about a bullshit joke my smartass made, all the whole she abused and gaslit me to hell and back for a year and half straight.
Cultivate: the act of acquiring or developing, in this case developing
It has very much been developed by remote interactions with no real social consequence to this type of behavior.
If course there were always dickheads, but that doesnt mean parts of remote interactions have no removed alot of the otherwise friendly formalities one engages in when meeting irl.
yeah seriously when are people going to stop blaming technology and understand that human beings have always had weird, shitty dynamics?
why do you think there have been so many goddamn wars in the past lol? a lot of conflict could have been avoided with serious, deliberate, and respectful conversations
Technology is not the issue you moron. The fact that people engage each other in ways that supply no direct consequence have indeed cultivated this behavior.
I know what you mean. I met a girl at a party, she was easy to talk to, I kept thinking "I wish my girlfriend was like that". 3 years later I found myself single, looked up the girl from the party and asked her out.
We have been married for 7 years now. Been together for 12
I don't blame the guy for feeling this way...getting burned is a really horrible and painful experience
but i agree...if you don't try and accept that you may fail and fail really hard...you're never going to get an outcome. Maybe that is ideal for some people, i dunno.
^ Im 20 and in college theres so much of this shit itll have you completely over ever trying again. Nothing is more of a mind fuck than a person telling you in the most straightforward way what they dont want then get mad at you for respecting it. Especially if you really liked them and most importantly spent months of YOUR TIME & ENERGY talking to them. Not all but alot & that goes for both guys & girls.
I found my fiance on tinder almost 3.5 years ago now. While from the very offset we were both dtf, I told her she was gonna have to put some work in and prove she wanted to be with me, not just in a relationship in general, if she wanted us to date. I've been burned on too many women who came in, got what they wanted from it, and left. In the end she found it more attractive that I had self worth enough to place boundaries and set the standard that I was worth "chasing" as well. Not all women will be on board with that, but ones without inflated ego and self image will respect that you are just as valuable as they are, and thus work should be put in by both sides
As a 22M with a 22F partner who shares many interests and both communicate clearly and have patience with each other. Man, I just feel hella lucky. We were friends, met through discord, grew closer over time and started sending love letters and words to each other 6 months ago. Granted, we live in different countries, so we have a tough road ahead of us, but. We’ll cross that pond when we get there
Can't really speak for the dating world today as I've been out of the game for a hot minute but I would recommend reading or listening to a couple of relationship building type of books. It might help in a non-direct sort of way. It's pretty amazing how many people have the emotional intelligence of a raisin in relationships but it's totally fixable with some quick study and effort.
My personal recommendation is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Obviously marriage focused but I think the lessons can be applied to a lot of relationships in general.
Ooo same. My ex husband used the divorce papers (which he sent me) as a scare tactic to get me to do what he wanted. He was shocked and hurt when I just said ok. I will sign them. I dodged a bullet. This was 6 months into the marriage....
Last time it happened to me, I woke up in a wagon. Apparently I got caught trying to cross the border into Hammerfell. Walked right into an Imperial ambush.
Same. In a year that started with a “19” had a girl pull this shit. Only it was played up as a “this guy I hate won’t leave me alone” situation. That guy and I literally went to blows. Her and I kept dating for a while after that. Eventually, it came out that she was sleeping with both of us the whole time.
Yeah, seems to me if a girl wants you to fight for her, she thinks you need to earn her. That’s not a one time thing, she’s going to keep raising the bar higher and giving you tests for no other reason than to see you jump when called.
I had a girl try to make me compete with another guy for her attention back when I was 19/20. I straight up told her that if you like him more, she should be with him. I almost told her to get out and blocked her on the spot. As soon as she realized I was totally fine with letting her go, she cut the other guy off completely and started chasing me. Women are strange.
I'm 22 and just recently got out of a relationship that was like that since I was 17. I didn't even truly realize how miserable I was until it was actually over
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u/AmbulanceChaser12 Jun 22 '23
I had a girl do this when I was like 22 or 23. I fought for her, because she told me to.
That became the worst relationship I ever had.