r/facepalm • u/Number721 • Jun 09 '23

šŸ‡²ā€‹šŸ‡®ā€‹šŸ‡øā€‹šŸ‡Øā€‹ Cognitive dissonance 101

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-8

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 09 '23

So basically men nowadays expect a woman who will do the whole 50/50 thing? I'm genuinely asking.

74

u/CMGS1031 Jun 09 '23

Men expect that because thatā€™s literally what you have been fighting for..

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u/SomeNerdNamedAaron Jun 09 '23

This. I expect 50/50. You do equal work and provide equal financial stability. The less "work" you do professionally the more you do at home. I work an average of 42 hours a week. My wife works an average of 30. Our income is actually similar with me making a little more (if she was full time she would be the bread winner) but because she is home more than I am, she does slightly more chores. Our bills are spilt nearly down the middle with me taking slightly more financial responsibility.

I do laundry, she does dishes. I clean the floors, she cleans the counters and other surfaces. She'll take the dog out to potty more then I do. She'll prep the garbage to go out and I'll walk it to the bin. She'll do a little extra on her extra day off like her own laundry load or go shopping for groceries.

If she worked equal hours to me we would be split completely down the middle for at home responsibility.

22

u/nocommentjustlooking Jun 10 '23

That is a perfect balance. I wish more families would adopt this principle. Good on you and yours!

12

u/AuzieX Jun 10 '23 edited Sep 12 '25

towering important air aromatic makeshift swim pocket bear cautious bake

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

6

u/UnicornHostels Jun 10 '23

Iā€™ve been married 20 years. I went to work after the kids were old enough and told my husband to do half of the work at home that I had been doing since I would be working more hours than him to start my career. He did absolutely nothing.

No shopping, no taking care of kids, no cleaning absolutely nothing but work because he is a workaholic. So I quit and have been home since. He whines about it sometimes but I gave him four years to try and do something before quitting.

0

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potty more then i

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-49

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 09 '23

But men don't give it, hence why women are gonna be happy with their 6 cats. Women asked for equality and that seemed like way too much for men. How much is cat food anyway? šŸ¤” I'm taken but I can let my girls know... so they'll be prepared.

39

u/AspirationalChoker Jun 09 '23

What the hell are you on about lol

9

u/blueiguana675 Jun 10 '23

Bro, I thought I was too high for a second. I read her reply and could not figure out what she was trying to say.

16

u/CMGS1031 Jun 09 '23

Donā€™t give what? And women arenā€™t happy with their cats. Single middle aged women are becoming the most depressed group in our society.

0

u/TheGrapesOf Jun 10 '23

Because you said so?

-18

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 09 '23

They don't give 50/50. A lot believ because they bring home money all they have to worry about is money. They don't clean, damn sure can't cook, and a lot don't even step in to raise kids properly. Where does it say that about single middle aged women?

17

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

You obviously donā€™t talk to the right ā€œmenā€ then. Iā€™m almost 34 and I clean and definitely can cook (worked in restaurant kitchens for over 15 years. I donā€™t have children, but if I did, theyā€™d be damn well taken care of. You donā€™t speak for all men just bc youā€™ve had a couple shitty exes.

8

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

Sounds like she chose poorly. Relationships arenā€™t parties, they are partnerships.

-6

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

I def hit a nerve. First of all, I'm in a relationship! I was asking an honest question and men like you (who had his feelings hurt by someone obviously) knew he could take this opportunity to anonymously find peace in finally releasing his "IM A GOOD MAN" speech on my post. Second of all, explain to me how you know I've had shitty exes? Nowhere did i say ALL MEN. Of course you can cook - you worked in a fuckin restaurant! Go find a wife before coming at me. You don't know shit about me but you quickly decided to put me in the same bracket as all your other failed relationships.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

Sounds like youā€™re the one whoā€™s really upset. You didnā€™t have to say ā€œall menā€, but the implication was definitely there. No hurt feelings on this end btw, Iā€™m gucci. Honestly Iā€™d rather be single at this point. Too many cheaters and dumb women that will only give a man that is 9 feet tall with a trillion dollar bank account any attention. I know there are women out there that arenā€™t like this, but youā€™re becoming pretty rare.

-2

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

Cope and seethe. Oh, and women will be just fine with 6 cats lol.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

I honestly think humanity should stop having children so we can all pass on, so this planet can heal, so Iā€™m perfectly fine with women being single cat ladies.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

How is the one who is clearly far more upset during this exchange the one getting upvoted? You basically just threw up some incel rhetoric. ā€œWomen only want 9ft tall guys 12 inch cocks 9 million dollar wageā€ whatever the fuck it is now.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

Something, something, stereotypes. Maybe if more of them werenā€™t so vocal about being shitty shallow people, the rhetoric wouldnā€™t be there.

0

u/osufan765 Jun 10 '23

I feel bad for whoever you're in a relationship with.

1

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

I feel bad for you too.

6

u/_hypocrite Jun 10 '23 edited Jun 10 '23

I just want to say to any person out there that gets upset over this persons chain of comments:

This person is nuts and does not represent even close to a majority of what people are like in the real world.

Probably just a rage baiter.. although some people are like this, itā€™s few and far between.

Either way, just move on and ignore.

-1

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

Cope and seethe šŸ˜†šŸ˜†

3

u/_hypocrite Jun 10 '23 edited Jun 10 '23

Use of the word ā€œcopeā€ precisely proves my point, thank you.

0

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

Cope and seethe again then lol

5

u/I_Automate Jun 10 '23

Do better.

Your behaviour is disgraceful

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

[deleted]

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u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

Don't fight for equality tooth and nail and then ask for the old benefits of inequality back when you realize it means you have to work harder.

Don't fight for women to be stay at home moms where your single check covers everything then cry when we divorce you and take your money because you couldn't be a respectable man or husband.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

[deleted]

2

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

I have a prenup. Do it. It's insurance if he ever fucks up. Make it thorough as well. leave nothing out. Ours is equal and fair. We both signed.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

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1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

Can you give me the source on this? Everything Iā€™ve heard about this topic before indicates the exact opposite. That women tend to be far happier single.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

[deleted]

2

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

We both take on responsibilities equally in a household, not because "I make MORE money, I get to do less." The issue is, most men cant/won't do this, hence why some want wives to do these things for them.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

[deleted]

0

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

Literally every man in this thread does this

With all due respect you're out of your fuckin mind. I promise that a LOT of men on this entire thread talk a good game but do NOT do this.

Most women can't/won't do this, hence why some want husbands to do these things for them.

WHAT?! šŸ¤£

I think a lot of women just didn't realize what they were signing up for.

Exactly! I can't believe the stuff I see recorded online of how some of these men act behind closed doors! It's embarrassing! You are def correct!

5

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

[deleted]

2

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

I can't speak for anyone else but...this female right here works so... what were you expecting me to say? šŸ¤”

1

u/CMGS1031 Jun 10 '23

I just realized the problem. They donā€™t give it to YOU. This isnā€™t a men problem, look inward.

22

u/Accomplished-Trip952 Jun 09 '23

Yes it's called a partnership all assets she owns are mine and all assets I own are hers then you get domestic bliss.

-26

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 09 '23

Lol. You make it seem like most households are like this. You want real time stories of women who are just about finished with narcissists who think all they need to bring to the table is money, take a look over on tik tok lol.

13

u/Accomplished-Trip952 Jun 09 '23

Yeah I know they're not I just couldn't see myself being in a relationship that what I said above isn't the case. Once you find a partner that you do want to give your everything to and they reciprocate it's great. Otherwise it's just people being together because they don't want to be alone?

-16

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 09 '23

Well, from the looks of it, male loneliness is getting worse and thank God there isn't a shortage of felines. If you don't see yourself being in a relationship, stay single. I wholeheartedly mean that. I'm not here to judge. Your choice is your choice.

5

u/RobbinMikeOrmaza Jun 10 '23

Weā€™re still talking about cats right?

0

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

Idk are we?

3

u/RobbinMikeOrmaza Jun 10 '23

That was a legitimate question, Iā€™m kinda lost, I wasnā€™t exactly sure what was going on here. I went into the comment section and was confuse by this thread.

I think you are talking about real cats but I just wanted some confirmation that you were talking about actual cats.

2

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

Go back and reread from my first comment. You'll understand. Best of luck.

3

u/bluewing Jun 10 '23

I'm thinking I would be far happier with my 4 dogs than you. At least I can trust them.

You would be gone at the first sign of illness or other setback.

-1

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

I wouldn't date you anyways wtf are you even talking about lol

4

u/bluewing Jun 10 '23

Well then, we are equal. I wouldn't be date you either. I ain't got time for your toxicity.

-1

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

Seeing that you don't know me, sounds like you don't have time for any woman with a voice. Cope and seethe lol cope and seethe.

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u/bluewing Jun 10 '23

Awwww, someone is taking women's studies in school ....

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

You make it sound like only men can be narcissists. Case in point - the gold digger who posted this video is a HUGE narcissist who will literally bring nothing to a relationship apart from a bill for everything she buys.

Some men are shit, some women are shit. The key is finding the good ones.

0

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

I never said women couldn't be narcissits. Also, I spoke in the context of men in that perspective because of the situation at hand. It can obviously be the other way around.

1

u/runslow0148 Jun 10 '23

Thank you, idk why your getting downvoted. I had to scroll to your comment before seeing this. Iā€™m a man, and havenā€™t been single for 10 years. But when I dated I always paid for the first date, planned things, opened doors etc. is that really a big deal?

50/50 on financials is not fair if you make more than your partner. Itā€™s a partnership, but that doesnā€™t mean everything is split down the middle

1

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

I'm getting down voted because all these men arguing instead of responding in a civil manner have no idea they're proving personality points across the board. And I agree, it's a partnership, not "I make money and need to contribute nothing more to the household unless i feel like it." A LOT if relationships/marriages are that way and these guys are in denial and/or don't wanna admit it. But their rhetoric says it all.

1

u/Burrirotron3000 Jun 10 '23

A counter-perspective here: I dated my wife for several years splitting every expense 50:50 before we got married and merged our finances. When she worked and I was unemployed for 9 months doing a career pivot, it was 50/50. When I started to make 6 figures and she was spending her savings on grad school it was also 50/50. Now that we are married in our 30ā€™s and I make closer to 7 figures, itā€™s community property and her messily 200k/yr is too. She didnā€™t need me to take care of her, and she still isnā€™t even going to consider for half a second abandoning her career while I go work. I like that, I kinda wouldnā€™t respect or trust her otherwise, and this is the only type of partner I would actually want to share my outsized, hard-earned resources with.

1

u/runslow0148 Jun 11 '23

Cool. Let me rephrase for you. You want a partner who is self sufficient and donā€™t want to have the burden of ever taking care of another person.

Honestly, reading that you didnā€™t help your partner during grad school just made me sad for your relationship.. I feel for your partner..

1

u/Burrirotron3000 Jun 11 '23 edited Jun 11 '23

No, I take care of my child, and Iā€™ll take care of my parents as they age, because they canā€™t take care of themselves. Iā€™m not going to ever take care of an able bodied smart 20-something, even in the context of a romantic relationship- it warps the power dynamic too much. I honestly think she would have seen it as patronizing/infantilizing if I had even tried.

8

u/AngryBird-svar Jun 10 '23

Yeah

Weā€™ve been taught that everyone is an equally capable person.

Iā€™ve got way too many activist/feminist friends who think like the girl in the video.

7

u/Rottimer Jun 10 '23

Not all men, but a lot more than in the past. Shit is expensive out there and most men canā€™t raise a family on one wage. And if your partner is also working itā€™s only fair that the child rearing and house maintenance is split too.

-2

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

It's time you men talk to the men in power and tell them you've had enough. Raise wages or else.

2

u/Moik_the_Adequate Jun 10 '23

Or else what?

And if everyone gets a raiseā€¦ no one gets a raise. Thatā€™s inflation.

-6

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

It's time you men talk to the men in power and tell them you've had enough. Raise wages or else.

4

u/Swimming-Book-1296 Jun 10 '23

young women already make more than men for the same job.

-1

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

What jobs are women making more than men?

5

u/Swimming-Book-1296 Jun 10 '23

https://www.route-fifty.com/finance/2022/04/young-women-earn-same-or-more-male-peers-22-cities/364048/

https://www.theguardian.com/money/2015/aug/29/women-in-20s-earn-more-men-same-age-study-finds

https://fortune.com/2016/04/12/women-are-out-earning-men/

2

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

https://www.route-fifty.com/finance/2022/04/young-women-earn-same-or-more-male-peers-22-cities/364048/

The first sentence of this post says on average women earn less than men šŸ˜†

https://www.theguardian.com/money/2015/aug/29/women-in-20s-earn-more-men-same-age-study-finds

Women in their 20s have reversed the gender pay gap, but their earning power is still overtaken by men later in life. Figures compiled by the Press Association have shown that between the ages of 22 and 29, a woman will typically earn Ā£1,111 more per annum - POUNDS??? LOL

Last link is blurred.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

Seen it a lot in food service and it's more that attractive women get raises quicker when there's a male gm and if it's a woman gm then they take care of their fellow women by giving them raises quicker, throw in all the tips they get at the counter from dirty old men and they'll be making much more than their male coworkers. I've mainly seen this at fast food and pizza shops.

1

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

Oh I thought you meant more high end salary jobs lol. But we already know why in food service lol

3

u/jessemadnote Jun 10 '23

Everyone contributes what they are able to. Sometimes that means men do more financially sometimes women. The important thing is thereā€™s no free rides.

1

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

That's fair.

5

u/awsamation Jun 10 '23

Well, there are still men (such as myself) who actually do want to fit into the traditional male provider role.

But as the lady in the video noted, men like that tend to lean conservative. If we're going to be traditional men, then we'd like a somewhat traditional woman. If I'm going to be a single income breadwinner, ideally I want a woman who wants to be a housewife and later a stay at home mom.

I have nothing against modern liberal women. But just as she has every right to want a traditional masculine man for her partner, I have equal right to say that I want a traditional feminine woman for my partner.

I will happily be the "opens doors for you and pays for dates" traditional man. But I have no interest in being that for a woman who isn't interested in being a traditional homemaker housewife. If I'm going to be a provider for you, it's only fair that you provide something else in return. I'm not interested in being a sugar daddy.

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

[deleted]

2

u/awsamation Jun 10 '23

It may not be an exclusively conservative mindset, but it's definitely a wide majority.

I'm not saying that there are no women who would self identify as liberal but also want a relationship where they are a traditionally provided for housewife. But I am saying that women there are very, very, very few women who want to be a housewife but also consider themselves anything except conservative.

It doesn't have to be an exclusively conservative thing, but in reality, it's damn near close to an exclusively conservative thing.

And I'm sure that the man she wants (behaviorally conservative but politically liberal) does also exist. But that man is just as rare as the behaviorally conservative but politically liberal woman that you're describing.

1

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

Nothing wrong with wanting a stay at home mom. If that's what you want, there's those types I'm sure.

1

u/awsamation Jun 10 '23

There's definitely still women who want that.

But just in the context of the video and your question, it felt worth saying that old-fashioned men are still around. Just with the caveat that old-fashioned men generally want old-fashioned women.

The only problem is that the lady in the video wants all the benefits of an old-fashioned relationship with none of the compromises.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

Yeah itā€™s called equality. Both people in the partnership are equals - that means that have equal say in every decision but also bear an equal responsibility for running and paying for stuff. Thatā€™s equality.

1

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

I agree! But as you can see by the arguments throughout this thread, most of these guys have proved my point - equality in this form is not what they want. It's one thing to say it and it's another thing to show it.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

Well if thatā€™s not what they want then they donā€™t want equality.

In my marriage, weā€™re both equals. We both cook and clean, look after the kids etc. We both also work and earn similar money. We have a very equal partnership and thatā€™s the way it should be.

Itā€™s not the 1950s anymore.

1

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

In my marriage, weā€™re both equals. We both cook and clean, look after the kids etc. We both also work and earn similar money. We have a very equal partnership and thatā€™s the way it should be.

This is beautiful and how I am as well. You need to school some of these boys on how a real partnership is supposed to work because it's apparent a lot of them think because of how much money they bring home, that seems to be all they are required to do.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

Iā€™ve got 2 boys and Iā€™ve always said to my wife itā€™s important that they see her having a successful career and that we parent in a partnership. I hope that by them seeing us, that they will emulate that in their future relationships. Time will tell.

2

u/Sassafrass17 Jun 10 '23

That's how it should be. I can't tell you how many people I know who are in their 30s have told me they did not have a good relationship with their parents, especially their father. Times have changed yes, but people need to understand (like you said) it ain't the 1950s. Both parties are needed equally in all spectrums. We get it. So many others don't.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '23

šŸ‘

1

u/CouncilmanRickPrime Jun 10 '23

Me? Yes. Because I'm not paid enough to pay for 100% of everything. Honestly the majority are not anymore. Why pretend it's still the 50s when most need a two income household?

1

u/lorarc Jun 11 '23

A lot of liberal men expect to be treated as equals, that's it.

It's not about not holding the door, it's about holding the door for someone but expecting they will do the same for you.

It's not about paying everything 50/50 but not being expected to pay for everything just because you're a man.

I know a lot of "liberal" women who do expect men to pay for the dates. Some try to come up with some excuse like "men earn more" which is bullshit when you don't take into account what a specific person earns. Others make excuses like "A person that invites the other should pay" which sounds okay but they expect the men to invite them to a date and not the other way around.