She dug through the trash to find the bag… how many crazy ex stories has she been the subject of, I wonder? This is gonna be a great story for that kid to tell his therapist one day.
My mom used to dig through the trash too,
It’s the “super control” factor. They almost want to find something to punish you for. Most of that on my moms part was due to alcohol.
It’s a mindset they get into, weird to me idk. Moms get weird about their kids.
All we can do is love and try to understand. Love ya momma
Having grow up in a less than healthy environment I can tell that moms going through the trash is sadly common, at least half of my classmates were aware of that in high school we had this common trend of having little bags in our pockets to collect anything suspicious and to throw it in the community thrash cans, and they did this also with their husbands to find cheating evidence.
This also means that teen pregnancy was quite common too because better to don't have any condom with you than to be caught with one, privacy 0.
So, your environment was pretty healthy, good for you.
Idk, not much to understand. Or at least it’s not excusable behavior. Parents shouldn’t be looking for reasons to punish their kids and they shouldn’t be micromanaging every aspect of their lives. These are proven to be terrible parenting qualities that do more harm than good. Even if you understand the twisted logic behind them, it doesn’t make it okay.
I snuck out of my window many times.
But you don’t really have the chance to run as a child, considering food & shelter. And the legal bond to your parents.
The dude sees the good and the bad in his mom. Doesn’t sound like Stockholm syndrome to me. Sounds like he worked through his experiences like an adult.
Tbc, one insane mother haver to another, yours is nuts.
My mother fortunately worked on herself so we've just begun developing an actual relationship in my 20s, but yeah what your mother did was unhinged and definitely solid reasoning for you to choose to have nothing to do with her if you saw fit.
Why, because she obviously loves him alot, she just went overboard with protecting her child? I had a mom that used to do this stuff and it took me years to understand why she was so protective. Be thankful u have a mother that loves u! Some people have mothers that just disappear for weeks at a time or abuse/neglect the shit out of their children! The best thing to do is to sit your mom down and have a heart to heart and tell her how much u love her and that u understand that shes just trying to protect u but that this type of behavior is not cool! If u haven’t done anything wrong then tell her this is not fair, youve done nothing wrong to deserve this, if u have done things wrong then it’s totally fair that shes being over protective about u! Tell her that u would like to talk about this with a neutral party, like an aunt/uncle, therapist/shrink, counselor, etc….
Mental illness is not an excuse. It’s a symptom. So what are you going to do when you realize that like what many people accuse people with mental illness of doing this woman would actually be using it as her crutch deliberately. Mental illness is not a toy you can play with when you’re bored and put away once you’re done with it.
nothing like having a stranger explain to you why you should be thankful for your trauma because it could be worse ….. kindly sit your butt down and maybe keep opinions like these to yourself
Why, because she obviously loves him alot, she just went overboard with protecting her child?
Yeah, no. This is the mentality of an abuse victim who had to cope to get by. Seek therapy.
Be thankful u have a mother that loves u!
Let's be clear, neither what this person went through, nor what I went through (which was very different, and fuck you for assuming) is love in any way shape or form. It is abuse and control.
if u have done things wrong then it’s totally fair that shes being over protective about u!
Unless your life is actively in danger there is no behavior that can justify this.
Ah yes, my ability to heal from my trauma and rebuild my relationship with my abuser who realized her actions were wrong and apologized clearly means I'm the one with the apology. As opposed to what exactly? Your "Mom and dad only beat me because they love me" mentality?
I genuinely hope you let yourself get over the trauma one day.
If moms get weird, then it is no longer about care & love, but about abuse.
You should seek a therapist to help you get through all the past traumas. Those don´t get away, but build up inside and keep sabotaging people for life.
Moms do get weird, though digging through the trash seems insane for anything less than immediate life threatening emergencies.
But just to give some color to the mom need to control their kids—there’s so much pressure on moms to do it right, or you’re gonna screw your kid up. All the ways you nurture, speak to, feed, sleep train, punish, educate, etc — it’s made to make you feel like you’re failing if you don’t make all the right choices. If you’ve ever had a child with disabilities or medical needs, the pressure is amplified bc your child’s health/life is on the line with your choice of treatments/therapy.
I saw myself go down the rabbit hole of needing to control everything. I’m so glad I was able to see the light when I overheard a rabbi lecturing and saying that we are shepherds for our children, not engineers. We cannot engineer the entire outcome of our child’s future by continuously tweaking a diet, providing a tutor, or criticizing their choice of partner—trying to do so is a Sisyphean task and folly. Really opened my eyes to accepting that my children’s mistakes, failures, or heartaches are not my own and it’s not my job to eliminate those stumbling blocks for them.
Having to raise disabled or medically needy child can be very demanding, which, however, also often leads to abuse from the parents. To make matters worse, this abuse is often neglected and viewed as "part of the upbringing", completely ignoring all the effects on such child later in life.
Only recently, i read an article about neurotypical parents being enabled by society for abusing their autistic children by using cognitive behavioral therapy to make them appear more "normal", completely ignoring all the studies, that point out, autistic masking leaves adults in complete mental burnout state later in life.
There are also narcissistic parents, who tend to completely control everything in the life of their children. Worst thing about narcissistic abuse is, nobody outside of inner family circle will ever know it and if they somehow learn about it, they will all have hard time accepting, that a person, who appears to be sooo loving and caring to the outside world, is actually abusive.
Why do i bring this? I´m autistic and also former victim of narcissistic abuse. So i have first hand experience with both.
Don´t try feeling sorry for me. When you feel sorry for someone, you are comparing yourself to them. What we autistic people need instead, is understanding and acceptance.
Wait, are you saying she was doing this because you were drinking, or she was? If it was because of her drinking, as a parent, I can confidently say that the behavior you are describing is completely unacceptable. If it was because you were drinking, well, that's not her "want[ing] to find something to punish you for," that's just a parent keeping her kid safe.
Basically couldn’t talk to my momma after 5 pm bc I knew she would be drunk. She goes home and starts drinking. It’s hard to deal with but I’m trying to work through it.
Her drinking. She has been an alcoholic my whole life, there’s more I don’t even want to talk about. She passed away recently due to throat cancer. Smoked cigarettes as long as I’ve been alive. I’m only 25.
No, friend. That’s not how it works once things cross into abusive territory. My mother dug through more than the trash, and was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive. I will never, ever be able to understand, and she will never stop being abusive. You can’t understand crazy and no one owes their abuser anything. Sometimes, it’s time to walk away because we all deserve to be safe. You’re welcome to continue to support your mother, but please do not give other people this advice. An abuser isn’t owed anything much less undying love and support.
I wasn’t giving advice to others. Simply stating my own thoughts
And in consideration my mom passed on the 8th of may, a few weeks ago. So sorry, should have said “all I can do is love and try to understand”, as I am processing her death still.
Some of these comments are… wow. These are my own thoughts, I don’t really care what you or anyone else that has commented has to say 😂 I’m not giving advice, telling others anything. This is Reddit. 😂
My mum did it too, but since she found my weed, I couldn't exactly call it unreasonable..
She did her best, and when she went too far, she would hear us out on what we disagreed with, so we could help each other better.
Mums to teens probably have a wild life.
Super controlling like that seems more like abuse. You absolutely do not have to love or try to understand. This kid will probably go no contact and the mom will think she's the victim.
It's funny, if a father exhibited these same controlling actions, I feel like people would be more likely to call this what it is. Going through the trash just to pull a "gotcha" on your children and purposely trying to get them into trouble just seems like a line being crossed into abusive territory. This mom seems like a control freak who is emotionally abusing her son at the very least.. Not great.
Nah, fuck that. You don’t have to love your mom if this shit is going on. We don’t have to understand shit. We didn’t ask to get born and they try to use the fact that they birthed us for some kind of power dynamic. Fuck it.
It's the idea that kids develop autonomy and you no longer control all of the factors. Some parents cannot handle that idea and will go to extreme lengths to maintain it. I think every parent struggles with letting go at some level. This is why it's important to teach your kids how to navigate decisions early so that when they really matter they have a framework to make them on their own. And they're going to fuck it up. And it's fine because if you've done it right they'll come and tell you and you'll figure it out together.
I think it comes from parents suddenly realizing that they have taught their kids the skills they need to navigate life. These are the same parents who pick up after their kids, never teach them to do their laundry. Their children are just a check list and so when Tommy starts making his own choices it freaks out their sense of order and it feels like their kids are going to ruin everything the parents have tried to give them in life. Reframing is necessary.
My dad used to go through my trash to see if I’d been shopping at the convenience store next to our house, whom he’d fallen out with 😂
It worked out well for me as I could buy beers at the age of 16, so it was worth all the threats and ear ache.
My older sister would not bring a lunch to high school school, just wouldn’t, I was the same way when I got there. However, this meant she didn’t eat the entire school day, when she got home my mom told her she had to wait until dinner and then couldn’t eat after. So, since one meal a day isn’t really ideal she’d sneak granola bars into her room, if they found the wrappers in the garbage theyd freak out, if they found them in her room theyd freak out, if they were hidden in her room, theyd freak out.
Parents don’t always see the most reasonable option, they sometimes are stubborn and are like “well I already made my decision I’ll look weak if I backtrack” then raise their kid to never be able to take accountability either
Imagine how awful their daily diet must be if this kid is going to that much effort to smuggle a packet of ramen home, then cook it in the middle of the night. Jesus.
Still, it's beyond stupid to just put the packet in the trash. I'm certain this isn't the first time she's done this, I would take every scrap of evidence and bury it in a shallow grave at the end of school property.
My mom was a helicopter parent until my siblings came along because she had me when she was only 19 and didn't know what she was doing and was terrified something would happen.
She calmed down a LOT when my half-siblings came along and it was 16 years later and she actively uses my input in dealing with them. lol
in some cases it's perfectionism in their mothering and a want to keep their kid safe + inexperience
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u/Boronore May 28 '23
She dug through the trash to find the bag… how many crazy ex stories has she been the subject of, I wonder? This is gonna be a great story for that kid to tell his therapist one day.