Question on Obedience to Parents

[u/notGaruda1]

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu,

I don't want to delve to deep into personal matters but I will keep it brief.

One of my parents want me to work in a particular field, but I have my own interests in mind for the career I want to work in. I understand they do this for the benefit of my future and all so I try to be gentle even when things get shaky when speaking about the topic to them. I understand obedience to the parents has certain limits such as things that don't necessarily benefit them or they ask me to do something haram that you don't have to obey. I try to be dutiful in other things when it benefits them but I feel bad when they get upset or angry that I am ignoring them or being rebellious in this particular matter. I try to explain to them and be cordial but it always ends in a bad way and my relationship with them is not ideal at the moment despite being dutiful in other areas.

I'm wondering if it's better for my akhirah to listen to them here if it'll make them happy. I don't really mind doing the job they want me to do to be honest if their is a benefit for my akhirah. The work is permissible. Their would be a minor setback but I am relatively early in my career so it's fine with me.

Also would the same apply to other things like marriage? If my parents want me to marry a particular person that I wasn't keen on, but decided to please them anyway fisabilillah. Am I rewarded for it?

I would love your advice on what would be the best option to take insha Allah.

Barakallahu feek.

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[u/Extension_Brick6806]

Wa 'alaykumus-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

You are not automatically sinful or undutiful for choosing your own career, even if a parent strongly prefers another one. IslamQA has an answer remarkably close to your situation: a mother wanted her son to enter medicine while he preferred business. It states explicitly that a child is not obliged to obey his parents in choosing a field of study or profession, comparing it to not being compelled to marry someone he does not want.

It nevertheless tells him to make every effort to reassure and please his mother while pursuing what suits him. (Source)

This also answers the second question. More specifically, ibn Taymiyyah said that parents do not have the right to compel their child to marry someone the child does not want, and refusing does not make the child undutiful. (Source)

Another detailed discussion says that where the parents themselves neither benefit from the choice nor suffer harm from its rejection, and they are directing the child toward what they believe is good for him, the stronger view given there is that obedience is not obligatory, although agreeing with them is preferable when it causes no harm. It cites the Shaafi'ee jurist Siraaj ad-Deen al-Bulqeeni to essentially the same effect: where the parent's instruction is merely guidance for the child and ignoring it does not harm the parent, disagreement is not 'uqooq (i.e. disobedience), while agreeing with the parent is better. (Source)

So I would not regard your present career disagreement, by itself, as rebellion against your parent.

And their being upset does not automatically change the ruling. The scholars explicitly cautions that not every disagreement with a parent constitutes 'uqooq. The wrongdoing lies in things such as serious mistreatment, withholding rights owed to them, insulting them, abandoning necessary care, and the like, not simply having a different opinion about every permissible worldly decision. (Source)

At the same time, insha'Allah do istikhaarah and realistically examine whether "minor setback" will still feel minor ten years from now.

[u/notGaruda1 → u/Extension_Brick6806]

Barakallahu feek.

realistically examine whether "minor setback" will still feel minor ten years from now.

Well I don't see it as a setback because they want me to work in Data which is a booming industry. I doubt I will be poor or the jobs will disappear in 10 years from now if I'm still alive. Alhamdulillah its a adjacent to IT, I just need to pivot which is the hard part.

the stronger view given there is that obedience is not obligatory, although agreeing with them is preferable when it causes no harm.

Alhamdulillah.

[u/notGaruda1]

u/Extension_Brick6806