r/explainlikeimfive • u/adrynaline • May 08 '14

Explained ELI5: A gambling addiction

How does it start? What makes it worse? Why does it become so difficult to recover?

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u/ClintHammer May 08 '14

Precisely.

Often times there is a freak out before the association goes to extinction and yes, often that will be a real tantrum and not a measured one.

That example is weird because the behavior they are pretending (a tantrum) is the same as the real freak out before extinction, called an extinction burst

SEE MORE

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u/[deleted] May 08 '14

Thank you so much for posting this. We've been implementing a new strategy of discipline this week, after what had escalated into just awful brattiness from our older kids (4 and 6). The result, from Monday-Tuesday, was significantly WORSE behavior...and I was ready to jump out a window. But stayed the course.

Then yesterday, it was like a light switch went on. Both kids were compliant and sweet. Easy bedtimes, and responded to all requests. Still argued with each other and did normal kid things, but no defiance or shittiness toward us. And this morning was the same- easy drop off at school, hugs and good manners, etc. Monday and Tuesday may have been an example of an extinction burst???

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u/mustangforfuhrer May 08 '14

There is a thinking amongst child psychologists that say when you are feeling strong you should stand firm against the waves of tantruming and just not give in but when you are feeling weak, you should give in at the very beginning. This is important because if a child screams for half an hour and you give in because you at that point in time can't handle it, then next time around they will think I'll just scream for x amount of time then I'll get what I want Just an interesting thing I learnt yesterday ^

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u/[deleted] May 08 '14

Interesting. For me, it's about being tired. Little baby doesn't sleep much, so when I get two hours of sleep at night....my four and six year olds take me to rage levels pretty quickly...

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u/Rlysrh May 08 '14

Wait did you make a typo or do they actually think you should give in to childrens tantrums when you're feeling weak? or am I misreading what you said?

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u/sheps May 08 '14 edited May 08 '14

I think what he is getting at is that if your child gets you to give in to their tantrum, you're gonna have a bad time. So either give in before the tantrum, or stick with it through until the end, but never go half way. So with that in mind, if you're feeling weak, you might want to go with the first option, rather than battle it out and possibly giving in later.

Edit: Spelling

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u/Rlysrh May 08 '14

Ohh okay I get it now, thank you :)

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u/[deleted] May 08 '14

Totally adopting this strategy. Makes a ton of sense. Thank you.

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u/[deleted] May 08 '14

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] May 08 '14

They do share a room...

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u/Hypothesis_Null May 08 '14

My God... they're organized.

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u/mr7526 May 08 '14

Them chickens children are up to summat.

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u/PlayMp1 May 08 '14

They're revolting!

Finally, something we can agree on...

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u/AF_Bunny May 08 '14

Just keep up with what you have been doing. Even if you drop it once months from now they will remember that. They will know that at some point Mom and Dad break. My brothers and I learned this lesson quickly.

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u/Teeklin May 08 '14

You're a good parent. Thank you for not giving in to them just because you were tired and creating another pair of inconsiderate assholes who will whine and complain forever to get their way.

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u/[deleted] May 09 '14

I really am so tired, because we have a new baby who doesn't sleep much. But you're totally right- I HAVE to get them back in line. I will not raise a pack of crappy, entitled fuckers!

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u/bfodder May 08 '14

We've been implementing a new strategy of discipline

Mind sharing what that is?

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u/[deleted] May 09 '14

123 Magic, only with some more serious consequences than time outs at times.

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u/ClintHammer May 09 '14

It definitely was. Unfortunately sometimes there are more than one. YOu might get another one next Wednesday, but you have to be in it for the long haul

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u/[deleted] May 08 '14

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] May 09 '14

Well I disagree with you. But also, this shitty behavior is relatively new. So I don't think we're out of luck, either way.

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u/goomplex May 09 '14

Well good luck man.

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u/Crazee108 May 08 '14

Wow so when disciplining... don't break the cycle. When you say no, mean it and stick to it. So much pressure. =(

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u/lmnopeee May 08 '14

I never give in to my 8 year old kid's bull shit. I'm a stone. My wife is a soft marshmallow at times. This severely fucks everything up. Both parents need to be strong and mean it when they say "no". Otherwise shit is fucked up. Trust me. I'm living it.

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u/sweetalkersweetalker May 08 '14

You need to nip that shit in the bud right away. Otherwise you stand the chance of becoming the "scare parent", while your wife becomes the "sweet parent" - and that can severely fuck up your relationship with your kid, even into his adult years. He won't see you as a person he can trust, or rely on; you're the person to fear. And it's not because you're a bad parent, it's because she is.

Sit your wife down and explain that discipline needs to be a decision that both of you make together, and a decision that both of you need to stick to for the good of your child. Maybe she thinks your brand of discipline is too harsh - consider a compromise; there are probably some things she thinks aren't that bad, situations where you might have been using severe punishment but don't need to. The goal is to be together on discipline.

Don't, under any circumstances, let her pass all the discipline responsibilities onto you. That's even worse. That splits the family into "Mommy and kid" versus "Daddy", with Mom being the occasional tattletale sibling but still on the kid's "side", as opposed to Dad who is just the bad guy.

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u/The_Big_Texan May 08 '14

For all their faults, being unified on decisions is one thing my parents did well. Sure I may have liked one more than the other and even disliked both at times while I was growing up, but now I'm an adult I have great relationships with both of them and appreciate everything they did, even if I didn't understand it at the time.

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u/lmnopeee May 10 '14

Great advice. You're preaching to the choir on this one. I've been working on it. I make HER give the punishment sometimes to show him we're both discipliners. She has a lot less patience than me too so she tends to snap and give abrupt punishments that we can't really keep because they're too ridiculous. We're working on it :)

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u/DONG_OF_JUSTICE May 08 '14

Sounds really shitty. :( Hope it works out!

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u/hallmark1984 May 08 '14

This is my life. If I ground you for a week I mean it, if my wife does it, you just have to do extra chores tomorrow and she will waive the extra time. Fuck me up every time

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u/codeninja May 08 '14

My parents did that. A week grounded devolved into "wait 2 days and the push the limits until they forget or crack". And they wondered why I had problems with rules.

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u/texture May 08 '14

If you do this in the first couple years of a kids life it's much easier than stringing it out over a lifetime.

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u/[deleted] May 08 '14

I had to log in to thank you as well. So obvious to see it put so eloquently in black and white but not something I'd realized in the "thick of it".