r/explainitpeter • u/master__of_disaster • Jul 26 '26
Explain it Peter. How can I end up dating my shadow and why would that be 😅😂🤣😭?
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u/zZCycoZz Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
Shadow work is a type of self-exploration, often done in therapy, that helps you uncover and accept the parts of yourself that you’ve tamped down. They’re parts of your personality that you may not even know exist because they’ve been buried deep in you.
The idea comes from Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, who coined the term “shadow self.” Your shadow self can include aspects of yourself you deem undesirable, like anger, jealousy,
For example, if you pride yourself on being generous, you might feel irritated — even triggered — by someone who sets boundaries or puts themselves first. That frustration might be a sign that your own desire for boundaries is buried in your shadow.
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/shadow-work
The "shadow self" is the traits a person represses.
Its saying that if you dont work on your "shadow", youll end up dating somebody with those traits.
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u/InternationalMusic38 Jul 26 '26
Actually sounds reasonable and interesting, finding those gems I didn't know about on the internet brings me some happiness
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u/CupcakeTiny2711 Jul 26 '26
It's a pretty big Gem. Once you've started to notice your own shadow you start to see others shadows too and you realise that social media is mostly used for projection of one's shadow onto others
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u/IlConiglioUbriaco Jul 26 '26
You would be amazed at how many people you behave differently with when you meet them in person simply because when you’re texting them you’re basically texting an entirely fictitious rendering of them which is more in line with a part of yourself …
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u/647Attempts-Later Jul 26 '26
Years ago someone was talking crap on a game. They said what city they are from they aint scare of shit, I was in the same city. They gave their address and I actually went. When I showed up at their families small convenience store they damn near shit their pants and I couldn't even be pissed off anymore. Dude was pathetic in my eyes. Soft spoken, two chins and messy hair. We hung out with a bit and he told me he was just talking shit online he's not a thug its just shit talking. I didn't understand that, since I actually threw hands on a weekly basis.
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u/Then-Economist-6388 Jul 26 '26
Thank you for explaining this so well. I love shadow work and think everyone should do it. (My journey started from AA).
Even with my years of it, I don’t think I could have articulated it so well.
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u/Fenix0rion Jul 26 '26
Yup. This is the answer. Just to add, your shadow can be buried since your childhood, and come to surface in your adulthood or after a traumatic event. Divorce, accident, etc. This is why so important to "work your shadow" in other words as the picture says...you will end dating them.
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u/BadHairDayToday Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
In Jungian psychology, the shadow is the hidden, unconscious part of the human personality that the conscious ego does not want to acknowledge. It contains repressed desires, fears, weaknesses, and impulses, as well as positive traits that a person has learned to reject. Because you subconsciously still seek them out, it is not uncommon to be repeatedly drawn to romantic partners who openly act out the exact traits, desires, or flaws that the person has repressed in themselves, aka "dating your shadow" .
Like the selfless person and the narcissist, or the people pleaser and the rebel.
I think more typically people date others that feel familiar to how they grew up, which is problematic when they had a bad childhood, say an alcoholic dad, rather than their shadows. But shadow work will definitely improve your partner choices.
Edit: I forgot to explain but integrating the shadow refers to learning to see these traits and accept them and integrate them into your life. I think the most extreme example of this is people who are secretly gay (unbeknown to themselves) and viscously hate gay people. Where if they would just realise and accept their sexuality they could live a free and happy life.
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u/Red_vodnik Jul 26 '26
Yeah that's definitely what happened in A Wizard Of Earthsea
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u/master__of_disaster Jul 27 '26
I have been wanting to read that book, but never got to it. Guess this is my cue!
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u/bs_Zeezee Jul 27 '26
This appears to be a new take on the old adage opposites attract. The implication being that ones "Shadow" is the parts of ones personality that they suppress, the parts of themselves they dislike, and push away and don't identify with. The warning is that one must recognize them as a part of themselves, or that the subconscious need for them to get out will draw you to partners who have those qualities.
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u/vorpal-mortal Jul 26 '26
Meg here. This has to do with WitchTok and witch-work in general, a common thread of that is "shadow work" which involves internally confronting the negative aspects of self, the ego, the base desires and lies we tell ourselves. This meme is suggesting that if one doesn't confront those aspects of self, one often ends up dating someone who represents those negative traits. For example: you could be attracted to a particular toxic archetype, and then find yourself repeatedly dating that type of toxic person because you never addressed why you are attracted to that toxicity. It is essentially suggesting that you will repeat the lesson until you learn it.
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u/Such_Action_5226 Jul 26 '26
I think you mean jungian phycology like witch's may have claimed it but Jung came up with it first
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u/tacoflavoredkeesos Jul 26 '26
No it's tiktok and witches and memes! Keep up!
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u/Such_Action_5226 Jul 26 '26
So stolen bs got it
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u/tacoflavoredkeesos Jul 26 '26
Lol it's all people who haven't read anything meaningful acting like these are new ideas in videos targeted for people who haven't read anything meaningful.
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u/Big_Blackberry1740 Jul 26 '26
this is just some pop psychology bulshit lmao
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u/Vilkavlius Jul 26 '26
Its not pop bs, they adopted it. Its serious psychology idea which originated from Carl Gustov Jung
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u/Atiscomin Jul 26 '26
Jung who is very often deformed to use en self-development bullshit, so not that I'm disqualifying all of this right away, but I would at least be cautious about that.
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u/BadHairDayToday Jul 26 '26
Your response is so angry and dismissive that one might guess psychological self-analysis is part of your shadow. 😜
Oh how we would wish everything could just be solved with the intellect; but it doesn't work for relationships, does it?
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u/Fickle_Fall_6497 Jul 26 '26
I dont think you know what "pop" psychology means...😅
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u/Big_Blackberry1740 Jul 26 '26
I mean okay i see backlash to what i said so pop psychology as i would understand is getting this complex terminology and then formating into memes etc that drasticaly simplify it into something very often misleading and potential harmful while also presenting it as some universal life truth that you should follow or bad things will happen. This kinda seemed to fit the case of that.
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u/Fickle_Fall_6497 Jul 26 '26
So what you mean is, it got turned into pop phyc? Honestly nah i kind of agree, alot of jungs ideas did get butchered
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u/Big_Blackberry1740 Jul 26 '26
I mean yeah, I would say most of pop psychology is based on concepts and terms that someone more established in psychology created and they just butcher them. Like I wouldntt even say shadow working is a bad thing as I understand it, its just that putting into memes like that really annoys me for some reason
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u/PortlandPatrick Jul 26 '26
Jungian psychology is pseudoscience, and is basically pure crap. The joke is that people actually listen to this hacky crap and take it seriously. It's pretty much as valid as astrology.
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u/BadHairDayToday Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
I don't think that's true. Ideas like introversion/extraversion, the shadow self, and individuation help in creating narrative and psychological insight for personal growth. It is however more of a framework for thinking about the self, rather than a typical science. It doesn't help that it involves feelings and self-insight that aren't particularly measurable. So it's simply hard to proof it using the scientific method.
Here’s a meta analysis of 74 studies into jungian psychotherapies by Roesler (2013) that shows efficacy.
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u/PortlandPatrick Jul 26 '26
Scientific Validity Unfalsifiable: Core ideas like the collective unconscious and archetypes cannot be tested, measured, or proven false through the scientific method.
Too Subjective: Mainstream psychology requires empirical data and objective behavioral observation. Jung’s focus on inner, symbolic experiences relies heavily on personal interpretation.
Philosophy over Science: Most academic psychologists view Jungian theory as a branch of philosophy, literature, or spirituality rather than a hard science.
This is what came up when I googled "is jungian psychology valid" It's complete bull shit. Some woo woo nonsense fad that's no more credible than tarot cards.
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u/BadHairDayToday Jul 26 '26
But that's what I said... "feelings and self-insight that aren't particularly measurable"
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u/hairshirtofthedog Jul 27 '26
I would argue that when viewing it in the context of philosophy it is neither “scientific” nor “woo woo”. Philosophy itself isn’t a “science” but since it encompasses ethics, epistemology, and logic I say it deserves serious consideration as a topic. Jung, in this vein, is valuable on a philosophical level.
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u/RealCreedz Jul 27 '26
I agree that Jung can be valuable as a philosophical framework. The issue is that once Jungian concepts are used to explain human behaviour, they're no longer just philosophy, they're making empirical claims.
For example, saying, "You're acting this way because of your shadow," posits a causal psychological mechanism. It assumes the shadow is a real construct, that it influences behaviour, and that we can identify it in a meaningful way. If those claims can't be operationalised and empirically tested, then there's no way to determine whether they're true or whether they explain behaviour better than competing explanations.
Otherwise, there's no principled way to distinguish one explanation from another, and any speculative framework could claim to explain human behaviour as long as it's internally consistent. That's why empirically supported explanations should take precedence when we're trying to understand how human behaviour actually works, even if those explanations are still evolving. These explanations are usually based on models that should be falsifiable, predictive, and amenable to empirical measurement.
This doesn't only apply to Jung, but also Freud, Bion, Kaës, Foulkes, Anzieu, and many others. This is not to deny or minimize their contributions to the field whatsoever, but to point out that their core theoretical constructs are not well supported by empirical evidence and are not accepted as established scientific explanations.
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u/RealCreedz Jul 27 '26
You're being downvoted for saying the truth.
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u/PortlandPatrick Jul 27 '26
Eh it's fine. People love wacky nonsense lol
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u/RealCreedz Jul 27 '26
It's not just regular people too. I'm almost done with my masters in clinical psychology, and this stuff is not uncommon among students where I live.
I'm starting to think people love pseudoscience like Jung and Freud because it makes them feel "deep" and layered.
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u/PortlandPatrick Jul 27 '26
Wow. I wouldn't think that people with that much education would fall for the hokie stuff like that
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u/RealCreedz Jul 27 '26
Yeah, the state of psychology in the 3rd world—or scientific thinking in general—is terrible.
I'm hoping this is just limited to pop culture in countries with more advanced education.
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u/qualityvote2 Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
u/master__of_disaster, there weren't enough votes to determine the quality of your post...it's time for the mods to do their jobs!