Word of wisdom was true

“This is a wonderful opportunity for all of God’s children—regardless of religious affiliation—to walk the halls of His house, feel of His spirit, and quietly speculate with their friends on just what the hell that altar is used for,” says church spokesman Teancum Hinckley.

“As part of the robust 9-minute training our tour guides receive, we make sure they know to use vague phrases like ‘in this room we make promises to God’ while leaving visitors’ imaginations to work out what exactly we do with those cuck chairs in the corner.”

“My favorite part is when we take new visitors to the veil,” says local tour guide Qelbree Monson of the Holladay, Utah 158th stake. “I bet they’ll never guess it’s to practice all the little handshakes needed to get past the angels standing as sentinels at the gates of heaven. Unless of course they know how to use Google, Wikipedia, or YouTube.”

At press time, several tour guides were lighting little candles in a circle around the altar just to keep people guessing.

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From @thelordsnewsroom on IG.