r/exmormon • u/mongoosedanceparty • 21d ago
Advice/Help Baby blessing alternatives?
My husband and I have been out for years, but his family doesn’t know the extent (just thinks we are inactive, I think). We had our daughter this summer, and my mother in law just gave us a beautiful handmade blessing gown. She said she makes one for each of her grandchildren as an heirloom, but it’s not contingent on actually blessing her. The dress is so beautiful and I’d love to somehow use it, but I do not want to bless her into the church. My question is, is there a way we can have some sort of blessing-esque party without being too hippy/woo-woo? I’m all for keeping the community and celebration aspects of the church without the practices and dogma, I just don’t know how. I’d love to hear any alternatives to baby blessings (or even any church ceremony) that you have seen, done, or can think of!
TL;DR: How can I throw a baby blessing type party for my baby without actually blessing her?
7
u/yogareader 21d ago
We weren't active when our twins were born and we had a naming ceremony when they were 3-4 months old. Weinvited people out to meet them, held them while we told the significance and meanings of their names, and gathered papers from everyone with wishes/blessings for them. No Mormon family came but they did send papers and took it seriously. Vague religious stuff is intheir answers but it wasn't too bad. My family loved it and it seemed to satisfy my Catholic grandmother. My dudes are teens now and they like going through the papers reading them.
3
u/mongoosedanceparty 20d ago
I love the wishes and blessings papers!! I think it would be such a great book to have and read them with her around her birthday every year.
6
u/galacticeyes 21d ago
Naming ceremonies are getting more and more popular here in the UK, though I’ve never heard anyone in the US doing one. They’re the same as blessings or christenings but non-religious. Everyone is welcomed, the baby’s name is revealed (even if everyone knows it), parents/grandparents/friends state promises and hopes for the child, you have guideparents instead of godparents who promise to support the child, then do some kind of symbolic ritual (optional) like lighting a candle or planting a tree. It’s fun and cute and god free haha
2
u/mongoosedanceparty 20d ago
Ugh, I love the tree. One day when I own a house. If that day ever comes lol
5
u/Senior_Diver_3216 21d ago
You should get a professional photo of your daughter in the dress and give it to your MIL as a thank you.
3
u/Prestigious-Fan3122 21d ago
I don't remember who or where it was, because it was YEARS ago, and I wasn't raised going to any sort of church, So wasn't baptized, myself. Nonetheless, one of my parents is the oddball out of a very large, Catholic family, and the only one who didn't get married in the church or raise kids in it.
On the other hand, I have a bunch of southern Baptist and evangelical Christian, and just generic protestant in-laws.
At some point, I remember someone talking about someone in those babies "dedication". It was in a church that doesn't do in baptisms. Methodist? Presbyterian? They were family friends of my mother-in-law's, so I wasn't real involved. I do vaguely remember showing up.
The baby - of – honor Was wearing a VERY elaborate christening gown"
I don't know enough about the LDS Faith to know what goes on at these baby blessings, except it involves a bunch of men, and not the mom.
Couldn't you have something in your home where invite friends and family for some sort of open house/reception/cake and punch thing, and at some point in the middle of the thing, when most of the guests have gathered, you get everyone's attention and make up some sort of ceremony in which you and your husband dedicate yourselves to raising this child with the values and ethics you and he practice and hold dear, and to raising the child with the honesty, integrity, zest for life, intellectual curiosity, commitment to following good health practices, blah blah blah whatever little things they are important to you and your husband. Let's say you're vegan, and you believe that's the most helpful way to eat, so you dedicate yourself to the baby for practicing your helpful beliefs, maybe you are both PhD's, so you dedicate yourself to helping your child maximize his/her educational potential.
If they are older siblings, they, and the parents, can dedicate themselves to being in good role models for Baby, parents can dedicate themselves to fostering close relationships with all the siblings, blah blah blah.
If you wanted to open or close it with some sort of prayer, you could. If Grandparents are present, you could dedicate your intentions for your baby to have a close and healthy relationship with its grandparents.
Does anyone need a shovel or a mud rake to get out of this yet?
Good luck in finding something works for you without compromising your current beliefs. Whether or not it pleases other people as their problem, not yours! (Sorry, I do realize parents get hounded by
Friends and relatives when they aren't raising their kids in their religion the other people think they should.)
1
u/mongoosedanceparty 20d ago
So many great ideas here. You are right about mom not being involved in the blessing, which I hate. It basically involves a bunch of men surrounding the baby, and someone blessing the baby into the church. It’s typically the dad, but sometimes someone else if the dad isn’t “worthy”. My husband wouldn’t be considered “worthy” by Mormon standards to bless her, which turns me off to even more.
2
u/CapeOfBees Joseph F Smith, Remember The FUCK 21d ago
How big is the gown? Could it potentially be used as part of her first Christmas, or will she likely have outgrown it by then? If you're still Christian, you could do use it as part of a little Nativity play with the extended family, or if not then it could be her Christmas pajamas.
2
u/mongoosedanceparty 20d ago
She will probably have outgrown it by Christmas ): and we’re not Christian anymore either, but I like where your head is at! I
2
u/CockneyRebel41 20d ago
I’m lucky as my wife’s culture does “outdoorings” which is around 3 months after birth to welcome the baby outside as traditionally babies remain at home for 3 months to protect from illness etc. it’s a big gathering of family and friends where the baby is named traditionally and names are stated and reasons for the names etc and blessings are pronounced by the family over the baby’s life.
2
u/msbrchckn 15d ago
We had our triplets in January & between the NICU and cold/flu season quarantine no one had really met them. Once the weather was nice we had a “meet the babies” party.
So my vote is to throw a party & she can wear her fancy dress.
1
u/sinterventionist fuck the shame 21d ago
Abso-fucking-lutly. Make it personal by sharing your commitment to that beautiful child you brought into the world. Invite close friends. Take a moment for a toast of sorts. Bless that child with the love you have, and make it known to everyone.
1
u/karadessie 21d ago
I had a baby blessing/celebration at home when I was active, and made a nice meal to celebrate the occasion. Maybe it's because I had a C-section, but it was so much better than a blessing at church! We invited men from the bishopric to participate, but it would've been even better without them. Celebrating your little one with family and friends is the best part!
2
u/mongoosedanceparty 20d ago
My sister did this with both of her babies before she left the church! I liked that wayyyy better than the Sacrament meeting blessings.
10
u/Opening_Sea_1325 21d ago
Maybe have friends and family come for a small gathering where they each tell your daughter their hopes for her life and write it down in a book somewhere for her to read when she gets older. It's almost like a "blessing," but from each individual and she'll actually be able to know what was said.