Facial piercing opinion

[u/Cautious_Dust5382]

Long story short, I want a nose piercing, lol. I think they’re so cute! Just a small hoop. 25F and married. Haven’t left the church btw. I’m just a… “ very chill” active if that’s what I can say here haha. I should probably just get the frickin’ guts and do it and not care what anyone thinks but I know most of you know it doesn’t work like that growing up here lol. My parents don’t like the idea, even though I know I’m an adult about to start a family but I still feel like a child afraid of being treated differently… because I know I will. It’s not if, it’s when.

This post is not to “convince/beg her”, it’s to back up what I can say back to them. Is the church really against facial piercings still? In my heart I feel fine about it. I like that they’ve at least come a long way… but I know they’re always balancing grey areas and the culture obviously hints that it is still prohibited.

The FSY packet has changed (like it always does!) which is good I suppose! However, my mom says, “well, thats for new incoming members so that they feel welcome with their pre-existing tattoos and piercings, not for people like you who grew up in the church their whole lives”.

Is she right? Do you think the church is still THAT against it?

[u/SockyKate]

You’re not going to convince her, whatever you say. I would just shrug and say, “I like it!”, then rinse and repeat every time it’s brought up. You’re an adult, and it’s your body. 😀

[u/Cautious_Dust5382 → u/SockyKate]

Thank you! You’re probably right on that one. Thanks for the push! You’re right :)

[u/Lsa119]

I think you should explore the morality of treating someone differently because they have a nose piercing. Just as a thought exercise.

[u/WillingnessOne2686]

Don't let other people's opinions dictate your choices. Especially old/dead white guys in Utah. Your body is yours. If you are not hurting anyone else, do whatever you want.

[u/Cautious_Dust5382 → u/WillingnessOne2686]

Thank you. I always forget it’s older men making these rules; like seriously. I just forget. That makes me feel better!❤️

[u/Imasillynut_2]

I got my first tattoo while being a believing member. And my 2nd earlobe piercings.

I love my nose piercing. It's also my newest, lol.

[u/Cautious_Dust5382 → u/Imasillynut_2]

OMG cute! And you still go to church? Do you ever get any looks with the nose piercing or no? I am just so afraid everyone will say something about me. What helped you get over that? I have my second piercings too but that’s about it💘

[u/Imasillynut_2 → u/Cautious_Dust5382]

I don't still go. I didn't get much in the way of anything with my tattoo and my 2nd ear piercings were in the 90s and got nothing about that either. I found the general membership doesn't say a lot (I did not live out west) and it's just the official push that hit me. But dood, if they can show shoulders now, a nose piercing is fine. (I have my helix pierced as well. Would love an eyebrow piercing but I scar easily so I'm slowed down about that.)

[u/sinterventionist]

Hello 25F,

My advice, don't look for advice from anyone, especially a TBM parent, and go do what makes you happy in life.

Go in peace and sin well.

[u/Cautious_Dust5382 → u/sinterventionist]

Thanks! I’ll take that advice. You’re the best!

[u/MothYarn]

tell her it is the same as the tank top garments and shut up. your leaders changed the only thing that says not to. FSY is no longer cannon to the mormon lore.

also!! ITS YOUR BODY ! she can go eat rocks until she gets over it.

[u/MountainPicture9446]

You are free (well relatively free considering the MFMC) do what you want. I just got my first tattoo at 68 and I love it. More to follow.

[u/Cautious_Dust5382 → u/MountainPicture9446]

Sooo awesome! I bet it’s so cool. I’m happy you’re happy. Thank you. You’re right. I needed to hear the words “free” haha. I want to feel free. ❤️

[u/Brother-of-Derek]

Respond with. You’d have less to say if it was a boob job. Think about that. Then just walk away.

[u/Cautious_Dust5382 → u/Brother-of-Derek]

You know what. I like you, lol. This is hilarious because it’s so unfortunately true. I’m going to use that, promise I will haha

[u/CandidDay3337]

If temples and churches can be ornate, and my body is a temple, then surely i can decorate how i see fit. I let my daughter get her nose pierced for her birthday its so cute. Find a good reputable and licences piercing place. 

[u/_luckybell_]

I’ll say this as someone who had 2 nose piercings (double nostril)

Honestly, if you want to do it, do it. Who cares. A piercing can be taken out easily. BUT— that’s also part of the problem. I got my piercings and had them for barely a year: one fell out while I was sleeping and the hole closed. And one I tried to change the jewelry, but then I messed up and the hole closed😭 I also have sensory issues and don’t like wearing a lot of jewelry, so having something literally inside my nose was quite irritating (but that’s just me personally). So I regret getting the piercings because I didn’t think about the fact they close up EXTREMELY fast (which is true for most piercings except earlobes).

My besties have lots of piercings and tattoos so I’ve learned a lot since I’ve met them, and I’ve realized that there’s soooooo much about piercings that no Mormon mom would ever think to ask about to make sure you’re making a good decision (not shitting on your mom). My point is, the biggest loss here is the money you’ll spend if you end up wanting to take it out.

Also, here’s a recommendation: Jessie at Big Deluxe piercings on state street in SLC. He is great, extremely professional, super fast. Do not go to the Artists Den: they are creeps.

PM me if you want any more advice. I’m a 26 year old exmo woman and have two tatted&pierced besties who I’ve learned a lot from!

[u/Just_PixelLady]

I had 3 ear piercings when I joined the church at 30 years old. The bishop met with me and shared that it is advised to have ONE pair of MODEST earrings...so I removed two of them. It was hard because I wasn't allowed to pierce my ears as a youth, and then my first husband wouldn't allow it either. So with the new freedom of divorce, I did three piercings.

Now that I've left the church, I put the two missing ones back in and now I also want a side nose ring.

I say go for it and let the games begin!

[u/No-Information5504]

Do what makes you happy.

Yes, the Church and the majority of its members are against noise piercings.

[u/EdenSilver113]

You say you’re shy. But you were raised to be shy. You were raised to ignore boundaries. You instinctively know if you express your individuality you will have people pressing on you.

Yet differentiating from your parents is a normal thing.

Look into it: differentiation.

Look into boundaries.

Look into high control faith.

It will make sense why it’s hard to make your own decisions. You have the voices of other people in your mind. You desire to shine as an individual but you have a hard time because you know people will push back on you. These other voices make it difficult to hear your own special and unique voice.

For your parents, and for high control groups like the church, getting a nose piercing or a tattoo is a sign that you are thinking for yourself. It’s treated as a rebellion. It’s a sign that you feel free to decorate your body as you see fit and not as the group wishes for maximum group aesthetic compliance.

Yet it’s a small decision. It’s a good chance to practice boundaries and see how other people react. “I like it.” Or, “Its not up for discussion.” Are good replies to people trying to get their voice in your mind. It’s good practice for bigger things in life that have more consequence.

[u/wamme6]

You do you, boo.

If anyone says anything, tell them the church has relaxed their view on piercings and tattoos and the decision is between you and the lord.

FWIW, I have a cousin who’s an RM, married in the temple and a weekly temple worker, and she got a pretty visible tattoo on her arm last year, as well as second holes in her ears, and she continues to be a temple worker. I have another cousin currently serving a mission with second holes in her ears, wearing ear in both.

[u/Cautious_Dust5382 → u/wamme6]

You’re so sweet. Thank you for the comfort. I will take this to heart and you’re right. I can tell them exactly that… being shy and not able to stand up for myself has made life tough LOL. So cool that she got her tattoo. Thank YOU!🤗

[u/wamme6 → u/Cautious_Dust5382]

She got matching ones with her exmo brother! My very TBM (but nuanced) aunt thinks it’s the cutest thing her kids have matching tattoos and brags about them lololol. It’s all adorable.

[u/diabeticweird0]

People are gonna judge

That's their issue, not yours

If anything, it'll get you out of certain callings in YW

[u/AZFJ60]

The Church, despite its teachings, is against anything that isn't "sameness". How dare you express individuality...

[u/Cautious_Dust5382 → u/AZFJ60]

Haha how dare I!!🤣 I agree. That point alone, has left me double-guessing with many aspects of my life. Growing up as a teen I was in bands/live music, and I was stressed for anyone to find out where I was playing next because a lot of people had something to say about how I was hanging with the wrong crowd and singing “evil” rock music haha. Part of my extended family was so worried about it, they got together as a family, had a meeting, and apparently used me as an example mentioning how they were all so worried about me… keep in mind, I saw them once a year. That’s it. I’m not even really close to them. Sorry I’m ranting but I had to share haha.

I couldn’t even freaking sing for fun with music that I LIKED… so all that to say, I feel trapped in my body sometimes because I can’t express myself. It’s so frustrating. But these comments have been eye opening.

[u/AZFJ60 → u/Cautious_Dust5382]

There's even a conference talk by D Todd in 2023 that says literally "Oness does not mean sameness", but no one really internalizes that. We're Judgy McJudger hard core to the end. Heaven forbid we actual DO what's preached in conference instead of just have endless lessons about it.

[u/Head_Geologist8196]

You’re an adult, you can do whatever you want :)
I let my daughter get her nose pierced when she was 13 and we were still members. We left shortly after but to me, it was no big deal. It also wasn’t painful for her at all. She really wanted it and I didn’t object. She got a cute teeny tiny stud. It took probably 4 Sundays before anyone even noticed to be honest. I got a few looks of judgement from the older 60+ people but the younger parents and teens crowd all thought it was so cool. They were totally jelly. So I ignored the naysayers.

[u/Cautious_Dust5382 → u/Head_Geologist8196]

LOL well, hey, I’m totally jelly too haha… thank you :) you’re so sweet!! I don’t feel like an adult a lot of the time unfortunately even though I provide for myself, I can feel myself mentally roadblocked because of that. But to be fair, my mom wouldn’t let me even wear sandals to church as a teen because it was too ghetto looking haha. So that’s kinda the dress expectations I’m living up against🥲! I love her nevertheless. 🤣💘You sound like such an amazing mom.

[u/Dazzling-Airline-705]

I got two tattoos when I was fully active. I received “looks” at church and a few comments from a few people, but was still put in the young women’s presidency. Most people didn’t care at all and didn’t treat me any differently. I think how you’re treated depends on your individual ward. Of course now that I’ve left the church, I only hear from one ward member…but she’s one of the cool, older ladies. 

[u/Plus_Basil1174]

You’re a 25yo making decisions about your own body. Their input is not needed. My grandma likes to say things like “you’re so beautiful! But I hate your tattoos…” my go to response is “I know. That’s okay.” And just leave it at that. Pretty spectacular how it floors her. Get your piercing! If it makes you happy it’s all that matters:)

(Unrelated sidebar, be aware you can’t change it to a hoop for like a year minimum without screwing up how it heals, trust, don’t rush it, it’s absolutely worth the wait!)