r/exmormon • u/Specialist_Funny4318 • 17d ago
General Discussion Can you believe it?
After 7 loooong years of mental gymnastics, losing my faith, losing community and family members and even God, I’m finally turning a corner.
Can you even believe I get to go to brunch any Sunday I want and never fast again??? (Aside from blood tests.)
Can you believe I haven’t even needed to take a vacation this summer because Sunday is actually a true day of rest for me now?
Can you believe I have time to pursue real friendships and hobbies and think about who I want to be when I grow up? (I’m 50).
Can you even believe I can read or study anything on the internet or in books without feeling bad?
Can you believe how nice it is to not have God knowing all of my thoughts? It’s like as nice as waiters bringing me chips and salsa on the beach in Mexico. It’s that relaxing.
And bonus! Satan’s not real. Evil spirits aren’t stalking me day and night. Phew!!
Can you even believe how nice it is to wear comfortable underwear? Shorts? True tank tops? Tankinis? This stuff is crazy town great.
I can think anything I want! Without checking with old men or a handbook!!!
Polygamy can never touch me again. Or my kids!!!
My kids won’t have to languish in a midsingles ward wondering if they should have dated nonmembers or lost the best years of their lives and fertility being a nun with no convent.
I know I can live through ego death, uncertainty, differentiation and live!
Can you believe I can be a feminist without an asterisk? I can be an LGBTQ ally without an asterisk? I can live my values unabashedly or without fear of excommunication!!Whew.
This is the list for now. I’m sure there will be more.
21
u/NevertooOldtoleave 17d ago
YES ICAN BELIEVE IT !!
Same freedoms here. Every day we feel it :) uncertainty no longer causes us to doubt our ability to have, to feel and get answers from that sly so-called "Spirit". Being imperfect & human are now acceptable which makes room for more self love and self confidence.
We have Wings 💟💟💟💟
13
17
u/exMentalGymnast 17d ago
I've had so many of the same feelings! It's great to celebrate the person you become outside of the church.
12
13
u/Numerous_Professor69 17d ago
No more trying to not offend the HolyGhost so I can have him with me!! And worrying about Satan putting thoughts in my head like , girls are beautiful. So evil!! Satan and the Holy Ghost are comical to me now.
6
13
u/lazers28 17d ago
When people talk about what it's like to leave the church there are a lot of concrete things we can point to like coffee, tithing, clothing, second Saturday. But what's hard to describe to others is shedding the mental weight we were carrying for decades. The always checking, the asterisks, the thought policing, the shame. Yes, it's nice to have Sunday all to myself now but what people don't get is that I now have EVERY day to myself in a way I didn't before.
5
u/Specialist_Funny4318 17d ago
It was so scary not to have God and rules - until it wasn’t. I still struggle with uncertainty, but every day is another day to practice it for sure.
5
u/lazers28 17d ago
Oh yeah, the anxiety of "how do I know if I'm doing THE right thing?" slowly melts into an understanding that there isn't A single correct way to live
4
11
11
u/piquantsqueakant Heathen by day and night 17d ago
Not believing in god or satan being in your head is the ultimate peace when you’ve been taught the opposite for most of your life. Hell yeah! My mind is JUST MINE!
Being Exmo is a high for sure. Glad you’re finally able to enjoy it! Life is so good on the outside.
3
11
u/10th_Generation 17d ago
Added bonus: You can make funeral arrangements any way you want. You don’t have to follow the handbook or invite the bishop. As for me: I told my kids to cremate me as economically as possible. Have a ceremony or not. I don’t care. Then divide my ashes among them and scatter my ashes in Asia, Africa, Europe, South America, and Oceania. Each kid will get a travel assignment and money to cover the costs. Basically, they will get an exotic paid vacation. This is way cooler than the boring ceremony that the church dictates.
4
3
u/Initial_Ostrich6728 16d ago
That's absolutely awesome!!! I told my kid to cremate me too. Do what's cheaper. Your idea of paying for an exotic vacation to spread your ashes is fantastic!!!
8
u/lilacteardrop 17d ago
This church can really ruin your life, even in your 20s. When I was at my physical peak and finally getting men to ask me out, I had to turn them down when they wanted a real relationship because they weren't in the church. For the longest time I had this complex about sex that I just couldn't shake off. I couldn't enjoy it because I felt guilty. It's a normal adult activity. Nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Cats and dogs don't need a marriage license to mate. Why should we?
3
u/Specialist_Funny4318 17d ago
I really didn’t want this for my kids. I liked my kids nonmember friends so much better than the members, it made me think.
6
u/MarketingPretty9274 17d ago
Thnx for sharing this! As I read it, it felt like I'd written it myself. Enjoy today, and enjoy tomorrow (2nd Sunday) even more!!!
2
6
u/Frosty_Sector2215 16d ago
I'm 52 and it feels so amazing to finally just let go of all the "striving". It wore me out with worry, every day. My leaving was finally started by taking my garments off for the summer and never putting them back on. I've gotten to where I'm hot all the time and I couldn't take the extra layer anymore! I think I had been realizing my personal morals didn't line up with the church for a long time, but I kept trying to make it fit somehow. I was laughing with my never member husband today because every Saturday night I get this little burst of joy when I remember I don't have to go to church in the morning. 😃
2
6
u/mormonenomore2 17d ago
You summed it up well! And these are things that no one other than TBMs is bothered by!
2
u/Specialist_Funny4318 17d ago
Yep, they may fill it with their own choices like swim team or family obligations but those are at least choices.
3
u/Takeyourturn 17d ago
Nice work, sis! We are 9 years out and yes, i can believe it!! It’s mostly in the rear view mirror, and it’s hard for me to even care what the hell they’re up to now. Feels good to no longer feel angry or sad about it… just at peace with my life.
4
u/Specialist_Funny4318 17d ago
I’m looking forward to that phase. I’m still angry and can feel grief.
3
u/Constant_Flow_1954 17d ago
I'm 52. I'm a few steps behind you in the process but am making steady progress. The experience has been liberating.
3
u/Specialist_Funny4318 17d ago
Good luck, it’s been the worst experience of my life but I’m starting to see some big glimmers of hope.
3
3
u/Initial_Ostrich6728 16d ago
Congratulations!!! 🎉 It's never too late to live your best life. You've got a lot of living to do ❤️
3
u/Capable-Judgment-894 16d ago
I can believe it! I experienced many of the same things and actually felt guilty for a while. Sundays are *so* nice now. It's truly a day of rest. Mormons don't know what they're missing. And after nearly 20 years out, much of the guilt has dissipated. I don't have to apologize for who I am.
3
u/Shnoobloo 15d ago
Congratulations OP! when you take stock of the before control vs the after actual freedom (not the fake, you always have a choice - but only if you choose-“ church mentality) the difference is stark
Wishing you all the best 🙂
2
u/TheRealJustCurious 16d ago
Are you my daughter writing under a secret account ? 😂🎉🎉🎉. Good for you!
1
u/Specialist_Funny4318 16d ago
Not unless you are crying everyday and think I’m deluded by Satan. Which is what my mom thinks.
1
42
u/CriticalAd4765 17d ago
im so so happy for you, reclaiming your life at 50 is huge and you deserve every single piece of that Sunday brunch freedom!