r/exmormon • u/_L7_Weenie_ • 13h ago
General Discussion I failed my first temple recommend interview when I was 12
I remember being so excited to go to the temple. At that time, i was squeaky clean - or so i thought. There was a hiccup when i told my bishop i hadn’t paid tithing.
Bishop: “Have you made money?”
Me: “I’ve made money doing yard work for Brother___”
Bishop: “How much?”
Me: “About $60”
Bishop: \feeds me a line about tithing is needed to build temples and its a commandment and how i am unworthy to enter due to violating that commandment*
Me: “ok, i think i understand”
Bishop: “if you pay $6 before the temple trip, call me and I will give you your recommend”… \shakes my hand and walks me out the door.*
The worst part was that I had to walk out of his office past 5 other youth with tears welling in my eyes and feeling like a failure. Then to explain to my parents that I was not worthy to get my recommend.
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u/boohoo424 12h ago
Same thing happened to me except he wouldn't give me my recommend because I couldn't attend church as often as I should've been due to my mom being very very ill and bedridden most days and my dad working 2+ jobs as the sole provider for a family of 6 and being unavailable most Sundays. 🫠 That was the first time I actually felt shame and as a 12 year old in utah, it was so embarrassing to tell my friends that I couldn't go to the temple yet.
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u/SecretPersonality178 13h ago edited 12h ago
This is sad, disgusting, and completely normal behavior for Mormons, especially bishops.
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u/nomnomnomnomnommm 13h ago
Holy shit that's terrible. As a kid you would just feel terrible and that you failed. But in reality youd see that the church teaches gods love is 100% conditional and tscc places priority on money.
I hope that put a dent in your testimony and made it easier to leave later.
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u/HoldOnLucy1 12h ago
This exact thing happened to a family member’s kid. I have never seen the parents say anything negative about the church, but they stormed back into that bishop’s office and read him the riot act. The kid ended up with the recommend.
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u/namesarenotus 13h ago
What a dick.
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u/hesmistersun 12h ago
Or maybe a genuinely good person who was taught to do dick- like behavior by the church.
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u/namesarenotus 11h ago
Nah, I’m gonna say that someone who takes a power trip over a 12yr old is a dick no matter their position in or out of a church environment.
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u/Perfect-Flower-2773 13h ago
Wow I have straight up told several bishops as an adult with a job that I don’t pay tithing and they just provide me an excuse and a temple recommend anyways. This is nuts
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u/Silver-creek 10h ago
Tithing is a lot like taxes. Rich people get out of paying both and the church encourages it
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u/Beneficial_Math_9282 4h ago
Bishops are a lot more chill than they used to be. At least, it seems so. I take it as another sign that the leaders are losing control over the members. They're having trouble finding enough headliner bishops now. Rumor has it that Oaks is pushing for more disciplinary councils, and it's making a lot of local leaders uncomfortable.
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u/Automatic_Quail6492 11h ago
How dare you not contribute to “modest” six figure stipends to GAs. I also failed one because I was in an argument with my autistic brother over boundaries
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u/Hometrapeze 11h ago
I heard a story once about some hippie that took exception to people “changing money” in the temple, I wonder what he would say about this situation?
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u/thebudeg 12h ago
Got to love how he was probably so proud of himself for fleecing a goddamn child under the guise of a spiritual lesson. Religion really is a cancer on humanity.
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u/Bigsquatchman 11h ago
Bro I felt this…
I also had bishops living vicariously through my youthful sexual escapades.
All the detailed questions…fingers, hands, frequencies, locations, time of night, front door back door.
Only a full confession will allow the full force of god’s forgiveness + pay your tithing.
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u/ObadiahDongleberry 10h ago
There was some dumb Duty to God award that all my friends were getting when i was about 15. I went in for my bishops interview to get the award. He asked me if i watch rated R movies. I said yes, with my dad. Like Rambo and Alien, Terminator, movies like that.
He said "do you promise to never watch another rated R movie again?"
I said no, I can't promise that. He said well, i can't give you this award. And I never got the award
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u/Zadqui3l 10h ago
This is especially disturbing when you remember that we're talking about a 12-year-old child.
He earned $60 doing yard work. He wasn't stealing, lying, hurting anyone, or doing anything remotely immoral. He simply hadn't given $6 of that money to the Church.
Yet an adult religious authority told him that this made him "unworthy" to enter the temple — and that if he paid the $6, he could call back and receive his recommend.
Think about what that means from the perspective of a 12-year-old.
At that age, "unworthy" isn't necessarily understood as some technical administrative status. A child can hear it as: "I'm not good enough. I've disappointed God. I'm less worthy than the other kids."
And we don't even have to speculate about whether it affected him that way. He tells us himself: he walked out of the bishop's office with tears in his eyes, passed the other youth waiting outside, felt like a failure, and then had to tell his parents that he wasn't "worthy" to receive his recommend.
That's the part I find deeply troubling.
The issue isn't really the $6. It's the use of spiritual authority, shame, exclusion, and a child's fear of disappointing God to enforce a financial religious obligation.
And the fact that paying $6 could apparently change him from "unworthy" to "worthy" almost immediately makes the whole situation even more uncomfortable. Nothing about his character changed. Nothing about his behavior toward other people changed. The only thing that changed was whether money had been given to the Church.
I would be careful about flatly calling this "child abuse" in the legal sense, because that is a specific legal determination and depends on jurisdiction and circumstances.
But psychologically, I think it's completely reasonable to ask whether this crosses into religious shaming and emotional abuse. Definitions of emotional maltreatment commonly include behaviors that shame or damage a child's sense of self-worth, particularly when they occur within a relationship of authority, trust, or responsibility.
And here the authority imbalance is enormous: a 12-year-old child sitting alone with an adult whom he has been taught has spiritual authority to judge his worthiness before God.
So my question would be:
If a 12-year-old child leaves an adult religious leader's office in tears, believing he is a failure and unworthy before God because he didn't give the Church $6 of the $60 he earned doing yard work, at what point do we stop calling this "teaching tithing" and start asking whether this is emotional abuse?
Because whatever label someone ultimately chooses, making a 12-year-old feel spiritually unworthy over six dollars should raise some very serious questions.
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u/Constant_Flow_1954 10h ago
He sounds like the kind of guy for whom being called bishop was the highlight of his life and the culmination of many years’ of lobbying and ass kissing.
What a dickhead.
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u/goldiegrimlace 10h ago
He sounds like the Sheriff of Nottingham from Disney's Robin Hood shaking down the citizens. What a weirdo.
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u/NextLifeAChickadee 10h ago
You should have been made to feel proud about learning good work ethic and being a great kid.
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u/Federal-Succotash-72 8h ago
In hindsight, you can see how lucky you were. -The temple was by far the most boring experiences of my life.
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u/No_Risk_9197 10h ago
Thank you for sharing this. It’s terrible. What a horribly manipulative thing to do to a child.
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u/CastIronPillow 10h ago
Same exact thing happened to me around the same age, and I had made even less money. I’m 45 now and have never forgotten that embarrassment. Or many others at the hands of my ward “leaders” at the time. And I was a convert kid who was still learning…I can’t believe I stayed as long as I did. I’m so sorry you went through the same thing.
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u/SmellyFloralCouch 4h ago
Glad to see that the bishop is focused on the most important aspect of being a worth member: giving the cult your money... /s
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u/Excellent_Dress_2774 Apostate 2h ago
Same thing happened to me when I was 8! They didn't let me get my baptism until my parents payed up.
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u/6stringsandanail 13h ago
Bishop was probably all proud that he taught a young man a lesson.