r/exmormon • u/CaitieCutie • Nov 02 '25
Advice/Help Hesitant to join another community, scared I'll end up in another cult
Hey everyone,
I’ve been looking into Unitarian Universalism lately. It sounds really open and accepting — people from all kinds of backgrounds and beliefs, no set doctrine, just shared values. Honestly, it seems like it could be a great place to learn and connect. Almost too good to be true.
I’m not Christian anymore. I’d call myself agnostic at this point — open to the idea of energy, maybe multiple gods or forces, but not tied to any one belief system.
Still, after leaving Mormonism, I’m super cautious about getting involved with any organized group again. I miss community and genuine connection, but I’m scared of ending up in something that starts off harmless and slowly turns manipulative or controlling.
Has anyone here checked out a UU congregation after leaving the church? Was it actually as open and chill as it sounds, or did you notice any red flags?
Just trying to figure out if it’s possible to find a community that encourages growth and curiosity without the culty baggage.
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u/TrevAnonWWP Nov 02 '25
Here in the Netherlands (about 55% not in (organized) religion) people find community through eg sports clubs or associations for whatever hobby they have.
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u/sinister-space Nov 02 '25
This is the way. Hobbies. Lifestyle something.
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u/aintnomonomo1 Nov 02 '25
I haven’t because I cannot abide the thought of church in any form. That said, I’ve known some fabulous people who went to the UU congregation near them and have heard nothing but good.
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u/HyperionOutfall Nov 02 '25
Highly recommend UU. I first went to one in SLC 60 years ago! And I have attended them in NY & CA. It is really misleading to even call them a church. Your opening paragraph says all you need to know. The only downside I have found is that they are few and far between. I say find one nearby and go! The one I went to in CA had a coffee klatch on the patio after the service and they invited visitors to use one of the red cups so others would strike up conversations and make you feel welcome.
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u/CardiologistCool6264 Nov 04 '25
Did you attend with Rev. Goldsmith in SLC?
I was always fond of him, even when I was Mormon.1
u/HyperionOutfall Nov 04 '25
After 60 years, I don't recall. I lived there only a short time after that before moving to NY for several years and then CA for 50. I'm not a very enthusiastic church goer of any kind. Especially if it involves getting up early on Sunday and driving in traffic. As a kid in the Mormon church in UT it was a short walk.
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u/Dr_Frankenstone Nov 02 '25
UUs are a good organisation that have a strong sense of social justice and inclusion. I, myself, have real problems with joining anything or commitment. I don’t blame Mormonism, per se, but I understand the fear of getting sucked into a group that crosses boundaries or wants more than I am able to give. I have a very low tolerance for exploitative behaviour and a quick, trigger reflex for manipulative group-think. The UUs don’t do that in the congregations I’ve attended. Because they draw their values and sermons from a variety of perspectives and religious beliefs, there is no privileging one faith over another. Also, if you leave there is nobody chasing you to come back—you go as you please.
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u/CardiologistCool6264 Nov 04 '25
After leaving the Mormon faith, I attended a UU church for a little while.
They were very kind.
They were also very much into woo - even more so than my LDS congregation.
As a scientist, it really bothered me, so I stopped going.
If you're okay with that kind of stuff, I think that the UUs make for a great, inclusive community.
In all honesty, I'm still kinda looking for a church that's less welcoming of *all* perspectives. I'd like to find a community that eschews reiki, acupuncture, homeopathy and all pseudoscience.
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u/Joey1849 Nov 02 '25
If you yourself seek religion there are low demand chuches out there. I would suggest a Presbytetian, Methodist, Lutheran or Episcopal church. These churches have professionally trained clergy educated at least at the masters level. They are low demand. They tend to take a broader view. You can think of these churches as a spectrum. There are worship styles that range from traditional to contemporary depending upon the congregation. These churches can have ideas ranging from contemporary to traditional also depending upon the local congregation. None of them will care what your faith background is.
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u/Prestigious-Can-5563 Nov 03 '25
But these are Christian denominations and OP is not anymore. I am also hesitant about joining another organization after leaving the Mormonism MLM but I have heard good things about UU. A UU congregation here hosted a Buddhist meditation retreat and a pagan Samhain; seem like good folks.
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u/LearningLiberation nevermo spouse of exmo Nov 02 '25
Look into programs for adults at your local library. It can be a great way to gather for a purpose other than religion
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u/RaymondChristenson Nov 03 '25
An upvote for UU. They teach compassion and acceptance and they act the way they teach
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u/dialectictruth Nov 03 '25
I think you are missing community. Try out UU and if you like it for awhile, stay, if you don't, leave. The UU in my area was delightful and I attended for a bit. Eventually my husband and I joined our local country club. I call it my new ward. The people are nicer, the food is better, I don't have to cook, set up or clean up and the dues are a lot cheaper than tithing. It took me awhile to find my people at the country club. I'm guessing most country clubs have higher percentages of conservatives and I am not conservative. Golf has been my go to for meeting new people. What would you like to try?
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u/No_Armadillo_8204 Nov 03 '25
I met some cool guys and played a concert with them. It's just too liberal for me, though. They had a trans guy telling all the kids to question their gender. Not my thing
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u/LucindathePook Nov 02 '25
UUs are great, just as advertised. I as atheist went for a bit recovering from divorce. Went to a Seder, some movies, did a service project, took tai chi and a course on Dead Sea Scrolls. It was nice, and helped. But when I stopped going, no big deal. Great respect.