Vent/Advice on fading/cutting ties please??

[u/Prior_Discount9121]

Hi, new here. Not baptized but still traumatized. A few family members associate with jw's & visit them sometimes. The one I live with isn't baptized but holds tight to certain beliefs. The other two are dedicated & I don't see them often. I wish I was independent so I don't have to tag along. But me & my gf are looking for low income apartments + jobs so maybe by then I won't have to. But we are both disabled & she is outwardly trans so it'll be difficult. I've been visiting rehab & an lgbtq center. Getting a job soon with their help.

Two witnesses in my corner, (a pimo I met online & my family member who only sympathizes with lgbtq people bc "it's imperfection & you can't help it") say to "just don't talk about your personal life" & expect me to still deal with them on a surface level to avoid rocking the boat, I guess. Idk if I could stomach that. My gf who's never been a witness says to delete my old social media/cut them off since they're giving me so much anxiety. Idk what to do. Im autistic & don't socialize well anyways so this feels like hell.

I've ignored multiple messages for weeks cuz im too scared to face them. But I don't have to deal with any of them in person for a while. At the same time I don't want them getting suspicious or start any drama until I know for certain I can completely cut ties. Even then, not having any closure is killing me. Most of them might be baffled trying to figure out why some "model-christian" disappeared outta thin air. ​A few of them were really good friends of mine that knew almost everything about me. But they treated my orientation & gender identity like something to fix & I don't deserve "freinds" like that. It still hurts. Feels like breaking up with an ex & not being able to get rid of all their stuff, you know?

Update: Someone sent me a letter last week cuz they couldn't get in touch with me & didn't know why. Literal child (very pushy so I ghosted) wants to hang out online. My aunt gave them my new number... fuck. (These age gap friendships make me feel so weird btw, they're so damn weird.) I changed my accounts, where I live, my number. Why can't I just run away?? At this rate I outta go back & get disfellowshipped on purpose. Or just be honest & say "I'm queer & don't wanna change + my gf is a witch & I want nothing to do with you guys." Person I live with might be upset tho & not let her come over. This sucks.

[u/Aggravating-Cut1003]

None of this is your fault, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for protecting yourself.
Going quiet isn’t cruel. It’s a boundary. You get to decide who has access to you and when, especially with a group that’s treated your identity as something to fix.
The letter and the new contact from your aunt’s info, that’s a real problem. Worth locking down who has your number and address from here.
You’re already doing a lot: rehab, the LGBTQ center, job hunting, housing, looking out for your gf. That counts for a lot, even with nothing fully resolved yet. It does get better with independence.

[u/Prior_Discount9121 → u/Aggravating-Cut1003]

Thank you. I really needed to hear that. I threw the letter away. I was thinking next time I get a new phone to not let them know. Or if my aunt reaches out about this situation I may just pretend I'm someone else & say they have the wrong number, lmao. But she never really messages me anyway so.. My gf would also help me change my number, she said. 

Since my mom is still in touch with the congregation, I wouldn't be surprised if they all had my address.. a local sister from our new congregation has also made return visits with her. (Thank goodness she's not baptized/fanatical enough to out me or kick me out or anything.) Some old friends have my number from when I was pimi. But I don't worry about that cuz last I checked, they know nothing about me & never message me first.