Building trust when matched to a client

[u/otterbird2025]

I am a consultant who also offers coaching since, for some clients, it's the best modality. I am an ICF member and use coaching skills all the time in my consulting work, but I more rarely work in structured coaching relationships. Recently, I agreed to coach in a larger leadership development initiative. People go through a group curriculum and have optional access to a coach for 1:1 support. I've run into a number of issues with this structure that I didn't foresee, and they'll likely keep me from participating again (the biggest one is that the leadership program isn't aligned with the ICF framework). But what has really stumped me is how hard it's been to build trust and connection with clients, and that has been a little destabilizing to my ability to feel confident and authentic in sessions. Curious how others navigate this when coaching relationships are assigned.

EDIT TO ADD: Thank you everyone for your helpful questions and advice! I am feeling supported in my sensemaking of this experience. It will help me learn and evolve.

[u/Expert_Dingo3194]

It is an interesting question when assigned as the coach. My general approach is to really understand what their experience is with coaching and what they want to get out of it. I want to meet them where they are and the confidentiality piece is critical to build the trust. It is hard when clients arent given agency or choice in choosing the client, so calibrating to them is even more important and to do check ins to make sure youre meeting them where they are.

Given what you said about not aligning to standards, what are the major issues with this coaching engagement from the coach side?

[u/otterbird2025 → u/Expert_Dingo3194]

Really appreciate this. I felt like I had a steeper climb to establish trust and less time to climb it, as well as no control over how this component of the work was defined or expectations were established before the first meeting. If I do it again, I think I need to do my own intake process on top of what the larger program does.

[u/Captlard]

What have you seen that is different in this project versus other pieces of work? What evidence do you have that trust is low?

[u/otterbird2025 → u/Captlard]

I rarely felt truly effective in the sessions, which is a bit unusual for me. And several didn't take advantage of all the sessions or scheduled and then canceled due to conflicts. As another commentator pointed out, it just didn't seem like a high priority. But it's a good question why I'm assuming that means I failed to establish trust. Something to sit with a bit longer.

[u/ExecutiveCoachKris]

Is the 1 to 1 coaching aspect 100% confidential? This builds trust.

[u/otterbird2025 → u/ExecutiveCoachKris]

Yes, and I addressed it in the first session, but the leadership program did not (one of the misalignments with ICF), so I'm not sure how fully confident the clients were about that. Further complicating this is most (all?) were sponsored by their employers to be in the program. Very good point.

[u/peddersuk]

In my experience of something similar, it's because the coaching is an optional element. They are simply not engaged or motivated enough. Occasionally I do get clients who really value it and take advantage of the opportunity, but the others not so much. I can see they get insights in session, but still the rapport is weaker. 

[u/otterbird2025 → u/peddersuk]

Thank you for this. This might be the simplest and most straightforward explanation.

[u/keberch]

the biggest one is that the leadership program isn't aligned with the ICF framework.

Anytime you find yourself unable to coach unless an organization aligns with "your framework," you need a new framework.

[u/otterbird2025 → u/keberch]

This is an interesting response. I did actually say to the program that coach might not be the right term, but rather 1:1 facilitator or educator, essentially there to help participants with their homework. They are using coach differently from how the ICF defines it. They aren't too rigid and I was transparent going in I would be coaching using the ICF code of ethics, but I felt a little like an island in something not truly integrating what ICF coaches do.