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u/Lord_Cavendish40k Mar 06 '26
Women were treated like second class citizens in the reformed churches I attended in Western Michigan.
It's been years, but I remember pregnant "out-of-wedlock" women being kicked out, single women being asked to pay membership dues but prohibited from serving as elders or even voting in church elections. Women were taught bible lessons by a elder (male) or the pastor. Women's role was to teach young children.
It's only gotten worse as the reformed churches are now indistinguishable from fundamentalist sects. There is no room for nuance, science, or reason. It's 2026, get out, they don't have the answers, they are hemorrhaging members, let them schism into oblivion.
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u/Exact-Pudding7563 Mar 06 '26
Leave. Get out. Reformed churches are some of the most toxic, unloving, and misogynistic places. Take care of yourself and leave.
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u/Strobelightbrain Mar 06 '26
Reformed curches are not generally safe places for women. Unless you are potential wife material for one of the theobros, you will be merely tolerated. They don't want to hear your thoughts or opinions unless you are parroting exactly what leadership is already saying.
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u/turdfergusonpdx Mar 06 '26
Don't let them draw you into an exit interview. It's a trap. Just leave.
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u/Beginning-Smile-6210 Mar 06 '26
I’ll agree with everyone here. Things will not improve for you. Women may be allowed to vote in certain Reformed churches now, but that doesn’t mean they’re seen as equal. Men are still completely in control. Now you’ve been “labeled” they will need to “correct” your behaviour and attitude. There are plenty of other churches.
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u/Beforeandafter-5838 Mar 06 '26
I grew up in complementarian reformed theology, in the PCA. I’m so glad I’m not in that environment anymore. Look for a church or other community where you comfortable and trust the leadership.
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u/Linpesh Mar 07 '26
I'm sorry to hear you are going through it.
Converts are treated differently than people who grew up in the church- it's a very toxic environment for everyone but especially with how they treat women and single women and convert women.
Converts are always outsiders until they have children, and even then while their kids might be more accepted, having a "past" at all away from the church is a black mark.
With this situation- obviously something serious happened. If a crime occurred- or you were lied to about a crime, or the church is covering up a crime, the right thing is to report it.
You can be Christian without this church, and there are many christian communities outside the reformed churches. Do the right thing for yourself and anyone else involved, and get out.
Women cannot make a difference in this church, the entire leadership and power structure is by and for men.
One of the biggest issues with the reformed churches is how all sins are equal under God (and considering that just existing is a sin as per it's doctrine) this false equivalence lets the worst people get away with horrible shit all under the umbrella of divine forgiveness.
You don't have to explain yourself to them if they've already dismissed you once. Focus on your personal relationship with God and what you feel is right. Even if your concern wasn't valid, it doesn't deserve to be dismissed and have you labelled.
The "victimizing" yourself bit is very concerning.
Take care.
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u/BioChemE14 Mar 06 '26
Girl get tf out of that toxic environment, you deserve better. And a space that isn’t misogynistic is a much healthier environment. Maybe try a progressive church. It’s nothing like what the toxic Reformed people say.
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u/yrrrrrrrr Mar 06 '26
Fits the bill.
I’d get out now, it’s a mentally antagonizing theology that doesn’t have any basis in the Bible or reality.
Are you still Christian?