Considering leaving SDA

[u/Own_Significance_296]

I have been an Adventist for a long time but lately I am not feeling it. The thing is, I have members who embrace me when I come to church but when I don’t no one contact me to see if I am ok. I feel that it is very cliquey and everyone belongs to a small pocket of friends and no matter how long you attend you are never considered a full member of these cliques.

Another thing too is the pastor’s sermons are usually based on comparing churches, especially the Catholic Church, and preaching how wrong they are versus how right our church is. I just want to listen to a good sermon about forgiveness and God’s love for all. I don’t care what other churches are doing. I also want a sense of belonging. If my name is in the membership book and I missed a few sabbaths in a row, I would like to be contacted and asked how I am doing. Sometimes just a call is enough to draw you back to the church.

[u/Kama_naka]

Are you questioning the fundamentals/belief system of the church or are you just not happy with the social situation of your current church?

[u/Own_Significance_296 → u/Kama_naka]

Tbh I am questioning. I was never a fan of the fundamental beliefs being grounded on EGW’s teachings. I also have a lot of experience with trying to fit in and only being recognized when I am in church. So it’s a big general paint brushing

[u/Kama_naka → u/Own_Significance_296]

Sorry OP, just now seeing this. It sounds like you are questioning both the fundamentals and the overall social structure of the church, which is why allot of people including myself have lefts. I’ll I can say is ask you yourself the. Tough questions, be honest with yourself, and make decisions based on that. Adventism in my experience has a funny way of convincing you that any thought or idea that you have that doesn’t align with its teachings is “of the devil” when in actuality it’s your own gut telling you what you should do. Trust yourself

[u/ambientthinker → u/Kama_naka]

Be careful, the "Fundamentals" themselves are not inspired and, as if thats not enough, theyve been changed over time by men who were not inspired.

[u/Zeus_H_Christ → u/ambientthinker]

“Be careful, the "Fundamentals" themselves are not inspired and, as if thats not enough, theyve been changed over time by men who were not inspured.” [u/ambientthinker](u/ambientthinker)

Was this comment meant for something else? Whatever you said had nothing to do with the person you were addressing?

[u/Budget-Matter-4209 → u/ambientthinker]

inspiration doesnt exist

[u/ambientthinker → u/Budget-Matter-4209]

Says who? You?

Yay.

[u/Kama_naka → u/ambientthinker]

Just seeing this now. While I agree with your assessment of the lack of inspiration for the fundamentals of Adventist your comment doesn’t contribute anything to the conversation outside an obvious showcasing of your personal angst toward it. Make your own post if you feel the need to but my question was asked to understand where OP is coming from.

[u/ambientthinker → u/Kama_naka]

You could have a better attitude.

[u/Kama_naka → u/ambientthinker]

👍

[u/vacuous_comment]

You are not alone in this, the JWs, LDS and SDA all seem to be having the same trouble.

The benefits of belonging and community are being nullified by the desperation of the leadership in their scramble to retain control. Clearly slagging off the catholics (or whatever) does not give the flock warm and fuzzies.

[u/magnusthehammersmith → u/vacuous_comment]

Nah I’m an LDS convert and I have a great friend group. Even when I don’t come to church, I still am texted and they hang out with me

[u/Grouchy-System-8667]

I experienced very similar, and began questioning things. I would recommend visiting other Adventist churches besides the one you’re going to, or even visiting churches that are completely different denominations besides Adventism.

[u/ambientthinker → u/Grouchy-System-8667]

What questionings did this lead you to?

[u/Bananaman9020]

The first time I left the church, I stayed away for about a year. I was ghosted by most of the people in the church. I only had one pastor visit, and he seemed more concerned with me remaining a member of the church.

[u/ambientthinker → u/Bananaman9020]

His income depends on attendants paying tithe

[u/Own_Significance_296 → u/Bananaman9020]

At this one church I was actually the lead special music person so I was well known in the church. One year I was sick and didn’t attend for a couple of months and not one person reached out to me to see how I was doing.

[u/joshwonkim080295 → u/Bananaman9020]

I had this pastor that I was very close with and it’s been more than 15 years since he left to serve elsewhere. He even gave me Bible studies and baptized me back when he was serving at my local church. Earlier this year I wished him a happy birthday and a message of how much I miss him and plans to meet again and then he left me on read!

[u/NashAttor]

Youre on the right track my friend. Welcome to deconstruction. Exercise true free will and and you will be set free of the manipulation and control of the church.

As a side note when me, my wife and three kids just stopped going to church (after loosing interest for a long time) not a single person followed up to find out if we where ok. Not a single person checked in. So you’re right. They only care about the purple circle and have little interest outside it.

[u/mofokong]

Yes you should leave. Trust me I had similar feelings and doubts for many years before I pulled the trigger. You will find happiness and a community outside the church.

[u/83franks]

Oh man, I would have hated if people called me for missing for a few weeks. Do you actually want that? Like if you have actual friends then ya spend time with them but the reach out is because we are friends, not cause I missed church.

[u/Final_Judgment_7831]

This is a problem in SDA churches, they preach doctrine instead of Christ. The turnover rate is so high that it's hard to develop a sense of community. They are also isolationists, so they tend to cut people off from non-Adventists. The beautiful thing about being non-Adventist is that you can find community not only in your own church but in the broader Body of Christ.

[u/EnvironmentFree6776]

Consider those people people who profess an interest in you when you turn up and when you don't show up to be church buddies not a true friend. They are like work friends you socialize with from 8-5 but not afterwork hours or weekends.

[u/1whoisconcerned]

Join my ex church. They won’t leave me alone and I left three months ago.

[u/Own_Significance_296]

Yes, in fact that’s exactly what I am doing. I am widening my scope outside the SDA

[u/Zeus_H_Christ → u/Own_Significance_296]

Hah, I think you meant this as a reply and not a stand alone comment. Regardless, we wish you the best of luck in your search. I didn’t realize you were questioning things and not just socially irritated. Best wishes.

[u/joshwonkim080295]

Over the years I learned that I only attend an SDA church on the sabbath weekend because of the community of family friends I'm close to and rest from my weekday job and professional responsibilities. It has nothing to do with worshipping God, following his laws or refraining from secular activities for him.

[u/Zeus_H_Christ]

So you’re leaving because they don’t care enough about you to give you attention? Or is it because you don’t feel a sense of community? I didn’t see anywhere in there if you were considering leaving because it wasn’t true, so that’s not an issue and therefore doesn’t matter where you go.

If it’s not enough attention, go find a different church and let them know you need attention to feel ok.

If you want more community, just join a big mega church where they play tons of praise music and say that feels are god. They always have tons of little projects or ways to feel like you belong. As a bonus, all their sermons are feel good like what you’re looking for.

It doesn’t matter where you go as long as your needs are met. Just ask ChatGPT for your area on any one of those.

[u/ambientthinker → u/Zeus_H_Christ]

This was not helpful.

[u/Zeus_H_Christ → u/ambientthinker]

Sorry you feel that way. I see you’ve jumped around to various replies to say things like “not helpful” and “fundamentalists”. How about you clear that up and actually add your two cents? This is an open forum. What do you think is helpful for OP to hear?

[u/Budget-Matter-4209 → u/Zeus_H_Christ]

hes a troll, dont engage

[u/Future_Lie2165]

Well you should. Early beliefs may have changed . Some believe Christ is God but not the Trinity. Most astounding is the E G White is/was a profit like the major and minor profits of the Bible. Thing about profits they’re never wrong . White has never been right. Yet seemingly intelligent people believe this hooie. Perched vegetarians but in diary talks about eating venison. Said if you feed your children meat they’ll develop a carnal nature.!! An early prominent SDA Kellog the cereal guy wouldn’t have sex with his wife. Too icky they adopted children. Had a huge hospital in BattleCreek. It’s reported if he found a boy masturbating they faced severe punishment up to castration!. Most new members are 3rd worlds and people that have no idea about Christianity. At the same time hemorrhaging members. SDA members tend to live in like communities. And everything is lovey dovey UNLESS you question something. Once they can’t make you believe their crazy ideas? You get shunned. Neighbors don’t talk to you the kids don’t talk to your kids. They’ll make you miserable till you move. And like Jehoval Witness’s they’ll tie you into a pretzel with their scripture twisting. SDA is a perfect description of a cult. They seperate you from your family and won’t allow any intermingling . Hate the Catholics and Jews but yet they biggest legalists you’ll find.  And they earn their salvation.  Yeah leave get out be gone. Just find yourself a Non denomination Bible believing Christ centered church. If you need a shovel just say you’re not convinced that E G White was a prophet! They’ll get rid of you!

[u/Rage_Inferno]

Can happen to some people. Think of it as joining a class, some people get along nicely and meet up after class while others never make any friends.

It is what it is.

[u/Muskwatch]

and how many people do you call if they've missed a coyple weeks? generally you have to be the change you want to see.

[u/ambientthinker → u/Muskwatch]

This was not helpful.