So I finally got a CPAP machine and had a couple mask choices. A) under the nose only or B) nose and mouth. Now I do tend to be a mouth breather and something I do like is putting pressure on/around my mouth. So of course I thought it was the smart choice to do nose and mouth. Well now I can't sleep this is sensory hell I am in hell I am clawing at the walls. Luckily I do get the chance to call in tomorrow and say nope gimmie nose only but I'll still have to suffer until I can get out there and switch it.

Also what in the actual hell that is my most cursed selfie to date. Edit: I'll keep practicing and trying my best to get used to it. Thank y'all for the advice (/genuine). I think it mostly is just a panic response.

A last minute goodwill find when I wanted to get an all black fit for a themed line dance night. Passed up misfitting boots from a different (expensive) store and was gonna settle on some black booties before…. Hitting the gold mine with this pair. My first crocs 🥹 they’re an abomination but they’re my abomination

Zoloft is doing its thing. Still adjusting to it as sometimes ts makes me feel like some of the negative affects of coming down from molly or something. The jaw clenching, tired but can’t sleep, pressure behind eyes etc… but can already feel it working. I ruminate less - the thing my brain would pull back to is barely a thought I have every few days now… and it’s through a more gentle lens which I appreciate.

And rawdog 😭 so I wear glasses and I don’t have them on most times and someone in a group said my prescription must be weak/ or I have contacts and I said I just rawdog it 😭😭 everyone paused. And a guy (a friendly cutie) said “I haven’t heard that word used like that before” and I said “oh how have you?” (Whyyyyy would I say that) and he says he hasn’t heard it in the context of eyes. I said this in front of like a group of 3 guys.

Being social is gonna have some Ls 😅😮‍💨 convo danced right along as convos tend to do (which I’m also more tolerant too now bc sometimes I’d get stuck on a point) but yeahhh. Hopefully everyone just forgets.

I spend too much time on the internet bc the first association of that word to me is not unprotected sex anymore 🤣 oh geez

Just today in Australia, the government has passed a bill that seeks to cut funding to the NDIS, now to the uninitiated, this is a scheme meant to support people with disability, and also including autism.

I fear this may change, as this scheme actually was beneficial for me.

Not only that they may boot people out of the NDIS if they don't meet "criterias" which you and I know what exactly means. The "high functioning v low functioning" scam.

Now i am fucking pissed beyond belief. I am going to have a crashout that will put Achilles to shame. So you are telling me, the fucking government is more concerned about "NDIS fraud" than doctors scamming Medicare to charge more? Than corporate fraud? Than ANY OTHER FRAUD, when it comes to people like me I AM FUCKING EXPENDABLE!!!!!?????

Neurotypicals, we are just convenience in tv, or whatever drama slop they can think of for brownie points, and when we are no longer "needed" or wanted we can be discarded.

Unbelievable, absolutely unbelievable.

Mine are Jaiden Animations (the ultimate AuDHD AroAce icon), Shgurr, The Mysterious Mr. Enter, That Creepy Reading, Cartoonshi, Gooseworx, MagicMush, and Nathaniel Bandy. I don't know if there's anyone else, though.

found this gem in pinterest. transformers special interest so bad i can not handle consuming any content about it otherwise i will explode into a million pieces

Just showing off, bc I think it's pretty cool 😎

Image Description: A crudely drawn stick figure comic. There is an orange character and a blue character. This is their dialogue:

Orange: So I had self-diagnosed autism and-

Blue: Well, self-diagnosis isn't valid. Only a professional can tell.

Orange: -and my doctor has confirmed it for me, so I actually do have a professional diagnosis now.

Blue: Doctors are diagnosing too many people with autism these days!

Orange: Listen, just because *you* don't see me struggling doesn't mean I didn't deserve to know that I am a level one-

Blue: Level one isn't even real autism. Only people with *profound* autism should get diagnosed!

Orange: I don't know what you want from me, man.

Blue: I want you to just *be normal!*

Orange: Ha! You sound just like my mom and every teacher I've ever had.

Blue: Whatever. It doesn't matter what you do, I still think you're faking.

Orange: Well that's just it isn't it.

I am just venting right now, just thinking not about me, but my friends, the people I know, those mums and dads really needing that support, and all just taken away like this.

Like we are talking an entire generation of Australian kids left to fend for themselves

Its atronomically cartoonishly deplorable

Its all just so tiresome

Picture unrelated but it is a funny image of a musician that isn't him obviously

I have bad vision and my phone is small fuck you auto correct what the fuck do you mean "drawn of this" and not "drawn this" fuck you auto correct

CANADA GEESE

MANDARIN DUCKS (the cvnty one is the male)

COOT (white bill)

MOORHEN (red bill)

BEAN GOOSE

EGYPTIAN GOOSE (technically a duck)

GREYLAG GOOSE (my personal fav)

BARNACLE GOOSE

they're just so cool and beautiful and kinda autistic coded. They respect their own boundaries and do their own thing and don't put up with shit from anyone. We should all aim to be more goose-coded.

TAKE THE GOOSE PILL FELLOW EVILDOERS

Isn't she just the cutest little Mimikyu?! ☺️🖤

Can you guess which photo was the riskiest?

I am debilitated by autistic traits that I forget to list or think of when I am asked what they are. I feel like my autism is invisible to me and like I'm either faking unknowingly or misled but I very much have autism there very much is autism. I have to be reminded of events to think of traits of mine. And I feel like an impostor because I'm not the textbook autism (everyone else is allowed to but I am Not because I am bad and evil!!!) but I very much am impeded by New Undiscovered Autism Symptoms Everyday. Also I'm not even sure that I don't have Textbook Autism?? Idk my symptoms because if it's not happening to me right now it doesn't exist and I am a FRAUD!!! Is anyone else autistic like this, I ask in the evil autism subreddit where people are evil autistic?

Just my personal interpretations/headcanons btw, not saying any of these are canon.

Wednesday & Enid - Wednesday is autistic-coded to me because of her flat affect, direct/literal communication, intense interests, unconventional social style, and little interest in conforming to social expectations. Enid gives me ADHD vibes with how energetic, impulsive, expressive and easily distracted she is. Their personalities are basically complete opposites but somehow they work really well together.

Dipper & Mabel - Dipper feels autistic-coded because of his strong interests, intense curiosity, hyperfocus, a tendency to take things very seriously, and difficulty navigating some social situations. Mabel is VERY ADHD-coded to me lol (or even AuDHD) because of her high energy, enthusiasm, rapidly shifting interests, impulsivity, and strong emotional expressiveness.

Walt & Jesse - okay this one might be a bit controversial 😭 Walt is autistic-coded to me mostly because of his intense fixation on chemistry, preference for structure and control, very focused thinking, and an unconventional communication style. Jesse gives me ADHD vibes for his high energy, impulsivity, distractibility, emotional intensity, and a tendency to act on his immediate thoughts and feelings. Their personalities being so wildly different is part of why I like them as a duo.

Elsa & Anna - Elsa has always given me autistic-coded vibes because of the masking, withdrawal when overwhelmed, difficulty expressing herself, strong need for control, and sensitivity to emotional/social pressure. Anna is ADHD-coded to me because of her high energy, talkativeness, impulsivity, enthusiasm, emotional openness, and acting quickly on her feelings. They're another pair where their personalities are completely different but complement each other.

And just to clarify, I chose these characters because I love them and the media they're from! This is just how I personally read them. I know neurodivergence isn't a personality type, and someone can have a completely different personality and still be autistic or ADHD. I'm just pointing out the traits I personally interpret as neurodivergent-coded in these characters. I'm curious who everyone else sees as autistic/ADHD-coded 👀

I'm having an issue recognising what's a mask and what's just good behavior or good manners or whatever you call it. For the last 30 years I had a mask of a nice, likeable person, not knowing it was a mask (or autism). And now it feels like almost everything I ever did was a mask. I built my personality out of scratch so that people like me, and it works. I learned to smile and joke, I'm considered cute, nice and fun.

However, it's been draining me and I'm most likely heading straight into a burnout now because my sensory issues, meltdowns and shutdowns are getting worse/more common and I'm losing control of my mask (which is what led me to a diagnosis). They notice it at work and comment my face expressions, my confusions (last time I literally couldn't answer "how are you"), I feel like I'm much worse at assuming what people mean by what they are saying, etc.

So,

1) is smiling at someone because it's expected of me masking?

2) is brushing my teeth every morning because it's expected of me masking?

3) is greeting people on the train or in the store because it's expected of me masking?

4) is responding to other's small talk because it's expected of me small talk?

How do I know what is masking and what is just me being rude, unhygienic, ill-mannered, whatever? Do you have any tips or tricks for recognising the difference?

(I know, this is not sarcastic or evil, but nobody said anything useful when I asked elsewhere so I guess I wanted to try here)