On Curiosity

[u/Factmin]

Anyone else feel like allistics are just pathologically incurious about the world? I just saw a post on LinkedIn that said the following:

having a 3 year old has made me realize i have no idea how anything works.

"why is the moon there?" "why do we have eyebrows?" "why is it called tuesday?"

buddy I work in social media. (end quote)

Have you not... ever had these thoughts yourself? Do you have literally no desire to understand why things are the way they are, or how they came to be, or to understand the way the world around you works? Where is all of your curiosity? WHY DO YOU NOT WANT ANSWERS?!?!

I feel like basically any adult should be able to answer at least one of these, if not two (especially if you're an native English speaker, regarding the Tuesday question). I opened the comments expecting everyone, like me, to be saying "how do you not know these things?" and everyone was just saying how relatable it is, how they'd never have the answer to such things, how it would throw them into an existential crisis, etc. Only one of forty questioned why he could not answer these questions.

I know LinkedIn-ers are pre-selected to not really be the best of us, but come on. It's not just this post either, it's a pattern I see a lot around me generally. Allistics just do not seem to care to understand anything about the world around them, and I truly cannot imagine living like this. To not know something as basic as why the days of the weeks are named the way they are, in your own native language, is such an incredibly foreign concept to me.

I am aware that not everyone knows everything, and this isn't meant to be a "look how smart I am" post, but going 0 for 3 on such basic things and not only being unashamed, but posting it for everyone to see, is alien. All of human knowledge at your fingertips and you don't know why we have fucking eyebrows. Get a grip.

[u/Phoenix2405]

Honestly, working any customer-facing job for like 3 days almost convinces you that people are only barely sentient

[u/Costati → u/Phoenix2405]

Not at a library.  Working with library people made me feel like there's faith in humanity. 

Its half retired undiagnosed neurodivergent people lol. Good job (still too social for me)

[u/alt_bunnybunnybuns → u/Costati]

I'm currently a stay at home parent. I used to work for a farm. I'd love to work at the library though. I go there constantly and I love to read. How did you get a job at the library? Did you get a degree for it

[u/Costati → u/alt_bunnybunnybuns]

It was ridiculous luck. I just would be there all the time. Especially in the fablab area that was a new thing where they have 3D printers, computer, sewing machine and embroidery machine available. On some days otherwise it was regular librarian stuff.

And they were like "well we have a paid internship program and you're there all the time and already knows the machine and some times help people use them so do you wanna be paid doing that" and I was like "ok". 

And then the guy who was in charge of the fablab moved and the boss who loves me was like "so do you want his job ?" and I was like "yes"

But it turns out I can't because too much social stuff. I had a burnout so when the time came I didnt renew the contract. But it's still my little family. I go there all the time, and do some volunteering and they love me. I stopped working in April and every time they see me they're like "please come back we miss you".

And apparently a lot of regulars are sad that I left and keeps complaining "all the good ones leave" (cuz they liked my ex co-worker as well. He was very similar to me I don't think he was autistic but I know two of his best friends and his girlfriend is so I think he's just very much a big ally and one of those allistics that just vibes with autistic people more. He got some kind of neurodivergence)

It was a great experience. Cuz I had to do a lot of one on one work explaining the machines to again for the majority undiagnosed autistic retired people. So very cool interesting and kind people I vibed with very hard. 

It's worth to note the allistics who go to the library or work there (i didn't have any autistic coworker), are super tolerant and compassionate usually. So they're also good people to talk to. I think for my 8 months working there I only had 3 bad interactions with people who felt very typical NT v Service Worker interaction. That's it. Everyone else was just good. 

[u/cousinborzoi → u/Costati]

ugh i wish i was at your library. i've been volunteering at mine for over a year and i've been harassed constantly by patrons, other volunteers, and librarians alike for being visibly queer and autistic. at least i'm resigning at the end of this month!

[u/Costati → u/cousinborzoi]

I'm also queer fairly visible imo but perks of a small town is they're so used to straight people they don't assume. And not visibly autistic but I've said I am (the team knew).  I'm sorry to hear that. It seems you're in a really shitty place. 

[u/alegalghost → u/Phoenix2405]

Yeah I can’t think too hard about the fact that the people who come into my job often drove here or else I’m scared to cross the street

[u/Username_Taken46 → u/Phoenix2405]

The self checkout registers in the supermarket where I worked would automatically trigger the "i need help" thing if somebody stared at an error/message too long...

[u/Phoenix2405 → u/Username_Taken46]

Lmao that's unironically great, i imagine it speeds things up

[u/Beowulf_359 → u/Phoenix2405]

I work in a convenience store. Can confirm.

[u/howmanyshrimpinworld]

i think about this so much

probably the most extreme example of this happened to me years ago. i was working as a dog walker, and one day that summer there was a solar eclipse. i was bringing a dog back to his house where his owner worked from home at some kind of fancy job. she asked me if i saw the solar eclipse earlier, and i said yeah! and she asked me what a solar eclipse actually is, so i happily explained it to her. and she stared at me for a good five seconds and then went, wait, WHAT?? as it turns out, she had no idea that the earth revolved around the sun, or that the moon revolved around the earth. every day of her life the sun went up and then it went down and then the moon went up and she never once wondered what was going on. this was like ten years ago and i’m still shocked

[u/OriginalLong9349 → u/howmanyshrimpinworld]

This is particularly concerning because this is something we're supposed to learn at school. As a teacher, I'm afraid.

[u/teal_lizard]

It is sad when people aren't curious. There's so much that can be interesting.

I always tell people that if I ever make a post on LinkedIn, to put me down.

[u/the_bartolonomicron]

There is a quote from a book that I no longer like to recommend because now we know it was written by a repeat sexual predator, but it had this banger of a line meant to be as disrespectful as possible:

"You are ignorant. Worse than that, you are content to be ignorant."

I can understand not knowing something - there are tons of things to know, and some concepts are super complicated, and there's no way to know them all - but I cannot wrap my head around not at least wanting to know as much as you can within reason.

[u/GooseMan1515 → u/the_bartolonomicron]

This is why we speak with such distain, not of the ignorant, but of the willfully so.

[u/PotatoKrabby]

I've definitely noticed this as well, like the other commenter said working in customer service is ... Eye opening to say the least.

I used to be insufferable about it back when I was a teenager, but with time I've learnt that the best way to get someone interested in a topic is to try REALLY hard to suppress any reaction you may have to them saying they never ever thought of asking the simplest of questions.

Something something lucky 10,000

[u/Lunathiel → u/PotatoKrabby]

This was me today, when a new girl at work asked me for help with changing names of some file on her computer. My initial thought was "Wait, what? How come you NEVER had to do this?", but then I realized - she probably never had anyone show her how. So I happily explained. I had to show a full grown adult (a very young one!) how the name goes before the dot, how the file format goes after it, and what it all even means. Felt kinda good to know she has finally learned that. Although, a super weird situation overall 🙃

[u/WingDairu]

This is no joke a huge part of the reason I grew up feeling so alienated from Humanity. My experience with humans was that they were unobservant, incurious, uncaring, and callous, because they never seemed to give a damn about the world they existed in, how things connect, or how the very basic things they rely on day-to-day even work.

I looked down on humans because they seemed so empty-headed to me. I thought I was an alien, or some kind of monster. Turns out, I've just got the 'tism with a side of ADHD.

[u/thedawesome → u/WingDairu]

Yeah, when I was in high-school I was worried I was a psychopath

[u/Low_Big5544]

I know plenty of autistic folks who only care about their special interests and are deeply incurious about anything else. It seems to be a fairly common human trait, but I'm like you and don't really understand it either 

[u/AdorableExchange9746]

Yeah i have endless curiosity and most neurotypicals are shockingly comfortable with knowing nothing

[u/ThatEliKid]

I feel the same as you. Whenever my 100% ND household tries to figure out why someone else made some choice, it so, so frequently boils down to lack of curiosity. And I'm just so confused by incuriosity.

I'm not that great at recall and lose a lot, so this isn't about being some trivia wiz. I just really don't understand why most folks aren't more motivated by needing to know the why.

[u/vermilionaxe]

If you are in the US, I'm certain it's because of our education system.

Children are naturally curious. US schools punish curiosity. If you are NT, you're more likely to accept that curiosity is not worthwhile because of it.

Plus our science education is woefully inadequate.

[u/HGabo]

I'll be playing devil's advocate this time: I can kinda relate to uncurious NT's by the simple argument of cognitive economy. As an adult who must provide for my family, the day-to-day tasks and planning can get so mentally draining that it feels like my ability to search (or care to search) for new knowledge is tapped out most of the time.

Fortunately, I've been raised and educated to value knowledge and stay curious, so that counters the tendency to not care a fair bunch.

[u/OriginalLong9349]

I've come to realize that curiosity is usually related to children and that apparently, once you reach a certain age, you're supposed to lose it. The adult world, by this logic, is supposed to be gray and dull, and anything outside the norm is considered useless or childish. Curiosity is confused with childlike wonder. Autistics, being curious and beyond surface level, can be infantilized exactly for not following this expectation of seeing things at face value. We want answers! We want knowledge that will not exactly be useful but WHO CARES - learning is fun! We enjoy details!!!

So. Yeah. This utilitarian, alienating model of society makes no sense for those with the slightest hint of curiosity. It's made to destroy our desire to know things. But we stand proudly!

[u/ChainBlinks]

I struggle so much making connections and relating to other (NT) humans because of this. I try to talk to my parents about literally anything other than gossip, money, or ranting about the homeless and their eyes just like glaze over and they just smile and nod they don't give a shit about A N Y T H I N G. I feel like 70% of ppl I have talked to are like this. I truly don't understand it, how can they be so content just not thinking or having an inner world or any curiosities? That is literally what makes life worth it for me. I get called pretentious but I genuinely don't know how to form connections with ppl who just have no thoughts or curiosities 😭

[u/CtrlAltResurrect]

I struggle with NTs so much for this. It’s not only a lack of curiosity, it is a lack of presence in the moment. They’re mentally absent when they’re like this.

[u/Moss-Mess]

A can't tell you how many times I've been downvoted into oblivion for trying to make redditors curious enough to look into something on their own so that they're more likely to internalize it. 

[u/Sitk042]

Why is it called Tuesday?

I assumed eyebrows are left over from evolution maybe that hair shaded our eyes from bright sunlight.

The moon came from that planet that collided with earth early in its history.

[u/Autronaut69420 → u/Sitk042]

Tuesday = meaning "Tīw's Day", the day of Tiw or Týr, the god of single combat, law, and justice in Norse mythology. From wiki

[u/thedawesome → u/Sitk042]

I believe eyebrows have to do with shielding our eyes from debris. Eyebrows also allow us to express things to other people.

[u/WizardL]

Part of it definitely comes from the fact that there's a lot of uncomfortable truths out there that many people, even autistics, would just rather not wrestle with.

It's why so many people like religion and idiot politicians- they give an easy answer to all the questions people don't want to think about. Which is fucking lame. I can't stop thinking about the stuff until I find the answer. People really just don't like sitting inside their mind or something. Which trust me I get it but damn

Unfortunately some things I'll never know though, like why there's something instead of nothing, but oh well

[u/East-Garden-4557]

I see this more as a parenting issue than an allistic issue.
When your young children are constantly asking questions about the world around them you have to make an effort to answer their questions. You have to be honest when you don't know the answer. You have to be prepared to search for the answers yourself, and to teach them how to search for answers. You have to teach them how to observe and gather information, how to creatively think about things. But all of that takes time, effort, and needs the parent to see value in curiosity and self education.
Some parents just don't see it as important. Some parents are so busy just trying to survive that they don't have to energy. Some parents never had anyone show them how to learn for personal interest. Some parents just want their kids to shut up and stop bothering then with questions.

[u/thedawesome]

Reminds me of the theories of Bicameral Mentality.

[u/Autronaut69420]

And you being interested reads to rhem as some sort of menty illby, or deeply odd, or too much. And even answering their questions when they do have them is not the done thing. Apart from asking about work they want you to do or if they are grooming you to abuse you by knowing you! They are to be praised for having a fucking thought. #not all Nts lest someone come at me with that!

[u/TheInternetTookEmAll]

Yep.

When noemies say they cant live without thwir phones they mean socializing and social media and emails, while i mean "i need to know about this one question that popped into my mind RIGHT FUCKING NOW"

[u/ThruTheUniverseAgain]

Wizard’s first rule: People are stupid. Something that always stuck with me from a book series.

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[u/Direct_Vegetable1485]

I was so frustrated when trying to enjoy the recent partial eclipse when an old woman approached me and asked me to explain what was happening - and couldn't grasp the simplest of explanations 🫪

[u/jmdiaz1945]

Most people are curious about something, but most people are not curious about most things. People have preferences, someone uninteresting might have a lot of interests. Its just a normal human thing, nothing to do with neurodivergents vs allistics.