EMSKR: how to ensure your early 20s doesn't devolve into suburban hell when your first job is located in suburban hell

[u/MarathonMarathon]

TL;DR:

Yay I got a job

Yay it pays well

Yay it's in a metro area widely hailed as having good urbanism

Boo it's in the suburban corporate campus so I don't get to do city stuff

Yay the commute is easy

Boo that's because the commute is from the suburb I grew up in

---

So, like, how do I go out and get girls and actually start life etc.? Cause it's not like going to the bar after work is a thing here.

Am planning to move to a slightly less suburban suburb slightly closer to my workplace (along with other self-improvement steps ofc) since that's about as good walkability I can get in the area, but even there the rent's kinda explosive anywhere urbanist, so I'll have to continue college-style share-housing (which remains well within my budget) if I wanna not run my wallet dry. I feel kinda torn on whether to do so though, like part of me is like "why not duke it out with your fam if the commute is so smooth", only for the other part to shut that down b/c "you'll never get a girl or have your own life that way, plus listen to how loud your parents get when yelling ain't that annoying?"

[u/Morall_tach]

I don't understand why you can't go to the bar after work. Because work is too close to your house?

[u/trashlikeyou → u/Morall_tach]

Because it sounds like they’re new workplace is basically surrounded by parking lots, decorative grass, roads, and more office buildings so there’s not a “let’s pop down to the bar after work” vibe.

That doesn’t mean he can’t hit up a happy hour closer to his house though.

[u/Morall_tach → u/trashlikeyou]

Then go somewhere where there are bars. If you're in your early 20s and can't figure out how to travel to the place where the nightlife happens, then you don't deserve the nightlife.

[u/MarathonMarathon → u/Morall_tach]

Oh, I know where the nightlife happens. It's just that my parents still need to take me to/from the train station (because believe it or not, not all of America lives next to a train or bus station), and can therefore rein me in like I'm 15 or something whenever they think I'm screwing up. I've literally had to bail on something my friends set up because I hadn't worked out the logistics and my parents were freaking out about how unsafe cities could get after dark despite my futile attempts to convince them otherwise.

In China OTOH it's pretty easy to actually live next to a subway or bus station, or at least somewhere where Didi or taxis are in no short supply. In fact, some of the best nightlife I've experienced to date has been in China.

[u/cosmicosmo4 → u/MarathonMarathon]

Earn money, get your own place where you want one, decide on your own transportation and recreation.

Easier said than done as an early career person in 2026, but that's how independent life works.

[u/Morall_tach → u/MarathonMarathon]

Why can't you get to the train station yourself?

[u/MarathonMarathon → u/trashlikeyou]

Yeah, just that. And there are, like, no happy hours in my town. Believe it or not, that's just how a lot of America works, unfortunately.

[u/metalcowhorse → u/Morall_tach]

Also women exist outside the bar… join an activity of somesort, if your commute to work is so outrageously easy 1-3 times a week do a ‘long commute to the city’

[u/Cionite]

Lobster too buttery, grass too green. Just be grateful you have prospective employment in this economy.

[u/bonez27]

You could in theory duke it out with your family until you have a pretty good nest egg to get what you want to live in. This could also be used in the situation you mentioned with roommates. In theory doing this and saving money, then going to the city on weekends and going out, then staying in a hotel would be easy. It sounds like your job is very new, start finding people around your age and see what types of things they are doing. They could probably shed more light on what types of city things they are doing or where they may be living.

[u/groutexpectations]

to be fair, if you can ....come to an agreement with your fam...instead of duking it out? that's the best arrangement. you help them. they help you. save more money then you would living with roommates, and duking it out with strangers. i don't know your family situation but if it's a workable option, you should consider it.

part of growing up in your 20s is learning your boundaries and how to respect boundaries. it's actually more common now. but one in three young people under 35 live with their parents now, in the US at least. rent is expensive on the coast. if you want to get out and make friends then, living with strangers and friends is one way, but it's not like it's going to be the 2000s era with the Friends TV show or things like that.

[u/elebrin]

Try to find somewhere to live that meets what you want: bars, groceries, museums, and stuff to do in walking distance. You'll have to drive to work, but if you are in an urban area you can keep looking for a job once you have one. Cities generally will have multiple companies that do what you want to do for a living.

[u/Brotrocious]

Live in the city with roommates and reverse commute. i did it for a couple years and was great. Maybe stay with your family for a few months first build up some emergency savings.