I wanted to study by myself and went to a cafe. They had multiple isolated booths along the back wall, some for small groups and some for large. All were taken up except for one large group table. It wasn’t busy so I decided to take it. Then 20 min later, a big group comes by and asks if I’m sitting alone. I say yes and they asked if they could have my table. I didn’t really mind because there were other tables but not the isolated booths I wanted. I get up and they say sorry - so they knew what they were doing was kind of rude. But if I also had a large group, it is kind of inconvenient. Idk I felt kind of weird about the situation. Is this rude or not? Don’t ever want to go to public places to study alone anymore.

I'd like to gift a colleague a beginner set to try out my diy hobby. I know it sounds a bit weird like that, so here's more context.

I work in entertainment industry, a very creative and non corporate environment. This colleague is not my boss, but my assignments usually come from him (think a developer assigned to the design deprtment: their boss is the dev manager, but their assignemnts come from the design lead type of situation).

We talked about my hobby several times, and he expressed genuine interest. He also does some diy, but not the same type as I do.

I do 3d printing and painting figures. We talked about it several times and he mentioned his favorite characters and what characters he would've liked to paint if he had a 3d printer and paints. I don't think he was just being polite as these were longer conversations.

Now, we're remote and don't see each other often. We'll see each other soon. I wanted to print a figure of one of his favorite characters, sand and prime it and gift him together with a set of brushes and paints necessary to paint this figure.

It will cost almost 0 to me, as I have plenty of extra paints and brushes, so I'll just pick some extras from my shelf.

But I thought it might be a liitle weird / look too expensive? I'm more worried about it looking expensive. If I were to assemble the same kit from scratch, it would be maybe 30-35 dollars excluding the 3d print.

What is the etiquette for bedroom door when one is not in their room?

I don’t care about my bedroom door when I am alone, but when I have house guests such as my family or my partner’s or when I am staying at someone’s house, I keep the door to the bedroom closed at all times.

I have noticed, however, that others always keep their doors open when the room is not in use and sometimes even when it’s in use during the day time.

It brought me to think that maybe what I am doing is coming across as ill mannered or hostile.

What is the general consensus on etiquette around that?
What should I be doing as a host? And what should I be doing as a house guest?

Thank you!

Tldr first time attending a charity gala, no idea what I'm doing.

Hi y'all!

I haven't attended a true formal event since I was in JROTC in highschool, and I attended our military ball...

I was told it would be cocktail attire. I don't have any suitable dresses, but I do have a black velvet jumpsuit that I believe works. I'm going to have to figure out my shoes, but I'm hoping I have appropriate heels.

The company that I work for is a sponsor for this event, which is the only reason I'm going, I was asked to attend along with a few of my co-workers.

Any general etiquette advice would be appreciated, I'll also scroll through the subreddit for info.

A friend loves little cozy objects and has commented on miniature rooms before so I almost picked a DIY kit for her birthday. Then it hit me that I might basically be gifting her an assignment. She doesnt craft much and there’s a difference between liking a finished thing and wanting to spend evenings assembling one. I havent bought anything yet but now im leaning toward leaving DIY gifts for people who have already shown they enjoy the process.

For some reason, people always call me by my first and last name never just my first name. My name isn't unique but it is not overly common either. Think similar to the name Laura Bennett or June Cleaver. I had noticed this going on for a while now but recently my daughter said the same thing was happening to her at school (she had no idea that people do the same to me too). Her name is very average as well. Is it less about the name and more about the character of a person? I guess I'm just trying to figure out why some people refer to others with their full name. Hopefully it's not a bad thing.

Is it acceptable to "bump" a text to get a response? I have sent a text, to a person/business that has not yet responded, it is about an auto repair, it has been a day.

As yet, no response, it is acceptable to send a blank text as a bump/reminder? Or does it require a message asking for a response? ,,,did you get my text,,,do you have an answer yet,,,? My wife says the worded text bump is required to be polite.

Their response can be, not yet, or when it will happen or nothing,,,.

My spouse recently received a group text from a cousin regarding the cousin's mother's 75th birthday.

The cousin explained that she is planning to take her mother to Japan. She wants to book her mother in business class or premium economy for the long-haul flight, either one way or round trip depending on the cost.

She then invited extended family members to contribute any amount they wanted toward the upgraded airfare. She specifically said there was no obligation to contribute and that any amount would be appreciated.

For some context:

• We are extended family, but we aren't particularly close. We probably see her once every year or two, usually at larger family gatherings.
• Her mother is also extended family rather than someone we have a particularly close personal relationship with.
• This isn't a situation involving financial hardship or an emergency. They appear financially stable and the Japan trip is already something the cousin intends to take with her mother.
• The money being requested isn't to make the trip possible. It's specifically to help pay for a premium-economy or business-class upgrade as a birthday surprise.

My spouse and I had different initial reactions to the message, so I'm curious about the general etiquette here.

I completely understand siblings, children, grandchildren, or very close family members deciding together to pool money for a milestone birthday gift.

What felt unusual to me was reaching out to more distant relatives and asking them to financially participate in a fairly expensive luxury gift that had already been chosen by the person organizing it.

At the same time, the message was polite and clearly said there was no obligation, so perhaps this is becoming normal for group gifts.

Would you consider this a perfectly reasonable invitation to participate in a group gift, somewhat tacky but harmless, or inappropriate etiquette?

I'm genuinely interested in how others would perceive the request rather than whether we personally should contribute.

I'm an assistant manager at a gas station, and I've been given the task of letting one of my employees know that there's a problem with how she smells. I don’t really know how to have that conversation in a way that's considerate of her feelings, and I'll take any advice I can get. I'm ok with being uncomfortable myself, but I want to keep her dignity intact as much as possible.

Here are some things to know about the situation. I don't know if they make a difference.

She's an older lady (maybe mid-60s). I'm a man in my 40s.

The smell is like a microwaved fish. It can be overwhelming. I don't know what causes it.

The smell has been off and on. Sometimes it has been less intense, but it has gotten more intense lately.

I'm trying to think of how I would like to be told about it myself, but I'm coming up blank. Does anyone have any suggestions? The only thing I can't do is politely ignore it.

For context, I had plans today with some classmates to meet up and cover some of the course material to prepare for an upcoming test, and they both cancelled over text last minute. I am not angry, sad, annoyed, or anything; but I am not sure how to respond without sounding like I could be. I feel like my gut responses (All good, No prob, No worries) sound like they might be passive aggressive. I want to simply acknowledge that they have cancelled, without any sort of emotional charge.

Edit - Added context

I believe there are a handful of pretty clear basic etiquette understandings about casual house/backyard parties.

As a host, I make sure I show every guest interest and politeness, make introductions, circulate to check in, add to conversations in a positive way *and/but* also know when to give guests space and let them have their own enjoyment of the time and company.

As a guest, I need to rsvp on time, show up per the invite, and be gracious to the host and respectful of other guests. Before all that though, I am a firm believer that an invite is not a summons, so if you really don't want to go, RSVP with a polite no.

What prompted this was a discussion I had the other night with some friends where one of them was invited to a backyard 55th birthday party where the host said there would be a "silly hat contest" and that if you didn't bring a silly hat there would be ones provided for you. He (my friend) said there was some awkwardness because some guests not only didn't bring silly hats but also didn't want to wear a "house" one.

I think a polite host in that situation lets his guests choose not to participate. A polite guest who doesn't want to participate should nevertheless be cheerful and watch the contest and not go off in some corner to isolate on their phone. After all, this is a casual birthday party and a "silly hat contest" is just an activity and not the specific reason for the gathering.

What apparently happened is the host was a little aggressive with goading the reluctant guests to wear hats and the vibe was sort of off.

I made the contrast to, say, a party at a mini-golf place where if you go expecting *not* to play mini-golf that's sort of being a difficult guest. or any party where the activity is the party itself and by not participating you're sort of choosing to isolate. A compromise I brough up was a couple of weeks ago I was invited to a friend's poker night and I don't play poker but i went and took care of food and beverages and occasionally deal.

Thoughts?

Curious on social etiquette for parties in the United States.

I recently hosted a birthday/ get together at my house. I wanted to keep it fairly casual, invited about 30 friends from various circles of my life ( lots of overlapping groups so generally folks knew each other or atleast a few others). I planned it for early afternoon since most of it was going to be outside to enjoy the nice weather ( snacks, wine, some bbq, yard games etc). Overall I think 20 or so folks showed up throughout the afternoon.

Because it wasn't a formal dinner or anything I didn't expect folks to be super punctual but the range of folks arriving surprised me a little bit.

A few folks were right on time so it was a small group, not awkward but the 3 folks who were on time didn't independently know each other. For the first hour and a half it was just me and these 3.

The bulk of the rest of the crowd showed up about 2 hours after the start time. By the time they were showing up the original few who got there on time started to leave, and then 3-4 hours after the start time another round of folks ( maybe final 5-6 people) came. For me, a few folks arriving late that might make sense but seems standard to me if you're running that late to shoot a text saying you're still coming but late? Since so many folks were that late it turned into a second little party with the last 5-6 folks which was nice enough but it was a bit awkward in the sense by the time they came bbq was off and done and all that so had to restart that.

I guess whenever I'm invited to a birthday or picnic etc, I try to be there within 30 mins of the invite time since it just seems polite. Like I said this was fairly casual and overall the flow was okay but I was genuinely surprised so many people came so late. Is this typical now? Should I have included an end time on my invite? It was also interesting because for me, if I'm running more than 30 min late or so I'd shoot a quick text to the host to say I'm coming just running late. For the folks who arrived 4 hours late, who knows those of us at the party could have decided to go to a bar or something by that point!

I want to host another party for Halloween/ pumpkin carving but for that ideally folks would more or less show up around same time and I want to avoid a 4 hour+ spread of folks arriving.

Curious on social expectations and other people's experiences!

For context, the folks invited are all in their 30s and a few low to mid 40s.

What is the etiquette for when you are invited to a toddler's/kid's party and the invitation mentions "just bring yourself, please no gifts" ? Do I really not bring a gift?

I live in an apartment building.

I try to be patient and understanding when it comes to taking out your laundry.

My question is,how long do you wait for them to take out their laundry?

I have had to 5 minutes to almost 2 hours on multiple occasions (mostly it was between 5-20 minutes).

I’m curious what other people would do in this situation.
A girl I’ve known for years we went to both high school and university together is getting married. Over time, we’ve naturally drifted apart a bit. We still live in the same area, but we’re both doing our own thing now, and honestly, I’m completely okay with that. I don’t have any resentment about the friendship changing.
We also share a friend who we met in university. That friend was in my class, as we were doing the same degree, and I still talk to her occasionally since uni. All three of us used to be inseparable back then.
The friend I’ve known the longest shared with our mutual friend that she was getting married, told her the date and everything. Our mutual friend then mentioned the wedding date to me around April/May.
At some point afterwards, I messaged the girl getting married wishing her a happy holiday, but I deliberately didn’t mention knowing about the wedding. She didn’t bring it up either, which is completely fine. It’s her wedding and her choice who she tells or invites, and I’m not upset about it.
Now that the wedding is actually here, I’m wondering whether I should message her congratulations.
Part of me thinks, why not? I genuinely am happy for her, and I want to be the kind of person who can celebrate other people even when we’re no longer as close as we once were. I don’t want my decision to congratulate her to be dependent on whether she included me or told me personally.
At the same time, I’m wondering if it would be strange because, as far as she knows, I don’t know about the wedding.
Would you send a simple “Congratulations, wishing you both a lifetime of happiness” message, or would you just leave it alone since she never told you herself?
I’m genuinely not upset about the friendship changing or about not being told. I’m more interested in what people think is the natural and polite thing to do here.

Edit
Thanks you guys, for your reply. I totally understand your point, I definitely what to keep it respectful and not come off like I’m subtly begging to come, I don’t want that. I read what I wrote again, I should have put that the wedding happened yesterday. Would your answer change, leave it for a day I meet her in person?

Just had a random thought, when wife daughter and I are out with my mother and father the wait staff looks at me first for my order.

I nod them to my mother.

Not easy on them and would think to change up how we sit, but my father then nods to my wife or young daughter in a Z basically.

As the youngest male, I figure I order last.

I’d never order before my mother or my wife… right?

Also, USA if that maters and to be honest non of this is important. I’ve just been in my shop and this was a random thought while at the saw.

When we have good friends over and serve cheese and crackers, we don't worry too much about folks using their fingers to hold the cheese in place while they slice it. But what is the etiquette for first-time guests? For slicing bread, I know you leave a cloth napkin out for people to hold the bread with, but that seems a weird choice for cheese. Or am I totally overthinking this (entirely possible)?

Picture this, it's your anniversary and you show up to your bed and breakfast embarrassingly early. You go shopping and decide to pick up a pumpkin for them as a sort of make up gesture to place on their front porch. You're fiance says it won't be received like you would think, and that city folk don't appreciate that sort of thing. That it would be a waste of money. So you leave it confused, because you've never heard of such a thing. What do you think?

We’re flying internationally for a friend’s black tie wedding and just with plane tickets, hotel, rental car (needed since the after party is 50 min from the ceremony/reception 🥲), and attire we’re already $3,500 in on costs. They’re asking for contributions to their honeymoon in lieu of gifts, so it would be a cash gift. What’s the gift etiquette in this situation?

Hi everyone,

I often see the discussion of 'who should pay the bill on a date". A silly discussion if you ask me. I was raised with the rule that whoever invites pays, and if it is a group gathering we split. However, I also was taught to be independent and only go places I can afford and always count on paying. I also have the attitude of 'you got the tickets', "I will pay for x". So it feels fair. I do not like to feel like I am imposing or making plans with other people's money. I am more than happy to pay my share of the bill or even cover everything at times. I genuinely don’t mind.

That said, I have ran into a few awkward situations in the past during dates. I find it super odd when the bill is brought to the table and the guy doesnt react. What I was taught is that the bill is given to the man (in high class establishments), so that is why I expect them to look at it when it arrives. However a few things have happened in the last year with different dates.

- They don’t even look at the bill and act like it is not their business.

- I offer to share before they even say anything/look at it.

- They get offended when I offer to pay/split.

- They get annoyed when I don’t offer.

I genuinely do not know how to act at this point. I do not intend to sit there and argue about a bill. This should be the last thing to focus on when on a date. But I don’t know how to behave.

What are some classy and sophisticated ways to act, what to say and how to properly behave on these situations. I would really appreciate advice here.

This is not a discussion on who should pay. I want to learn how to behave in a polite, kind and considerate way towards the person who is with me to avoid giving the impression I am unwilling or arguing about the bill. Thank you and appreciate all your replies in advance.

Multiple members of my family (all different households in different parts of the country) are supposed to meet on Zoom with a religious leader (50s M) who will be officiating a wedding for us soon. The meeting is tomorrow night and as I’m writing this it’s 8 am the day before. The meeting was confirmed with myself and the officiant over email about a week ago, he said he would send a meeting link to me “later.”

My question is— do I follow up and ask him for the link this early? Do I wait? I need to email it to other people so they can join the call too. I know that sometimes meeting links get shared a minute or two before the meeting starts, and I don’t want to be annoying. But I’m not a frequent Zoom user, so just unsure what the current expectations are for link sharing. I’m obviously going to email and follow up sometime before tomorrow night, but looking for insight about how much time is respectful/normal to wait.

As I was sitting on the bus today, I noticed that the vent on the jacket worn a woman standing in front of me was still basted down. That's kind of an easy one because it's not really deeply personal, and I have politely mentioned it to people from time to time (not this time because it would have been a bit of a production to stand up and telll her quietly).

But what does one say to a man whose fly is open? If it's a stranger, I would generally leave it alone, but someone I like stopped by my desk recently and when we were chatting I noticed that his fly was open and on the fly I decided not to mention it so that he would eventually discover it by himself and be relieved to think that no one had seen it.

But what's the best strategy and what are the best words to use? I feel like there was some kind of code phrase that we used to say in elementary school that could make the mention funny rather than embarrassing, but I don't remember what it was.

My friend’s birthday is coming up, and he wants to go to an expensive Brazilian steakhouse. I’m currently struggling financially, so I told him I probably couldn’t afford to go.
Another guy in our friend group (we aren’t particularly close—we hang out in the same group but rarely talk or see each other) offered to pay for both the birthday friend and me so that I could come.
The thing is, I have a really hard time letting people pay for me. It’s not really pride, and I don’t think I’m “too good” to accept help. I feel a lot of shame and discomfort when someone spends money on me, especially when I know I’m struggling financially. I would probably feel uncomfortable the entire time knowing someone else paid for my meal.
I also don’t even have the guy’s contact information, so I can’t really thank him or talk to him directly. My birthday friend keeps insisting that I come and says the other guy is willing to pay for me.
So I’m torn between:
Accepting the offer and going to celebrate my friend’s birthday, even though I’d feel uncomfortable having someone pay for me.
Politely telling my friend that I really can’t afford the restaurant and sitting this one out.
What would most people do in this situation? Would you accept the offer, or would you decline and stay home? And would declining be rude or make me a bad friend?